'I'm done catering to my vegan friend's selfish demands'

 “Her entire personality is being vegan. That’s sad.”

Image: iStock.

Dining out is supposed to be one of life’s greatest pleasures: good food, good wine (or coffee) and good friends. But what happens when your friend has very strict dietary requirements and is quite happy to impose them on you?

One woman took to Reddit to share her dilemma after her friend’s demands became too much when it came to eating out.

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"I have no issue with that"

“My friend Lauren is a vegan who doesn’t drink,” she wrote. 

“That’s awesome and I have no issue with that. The problem is that she is part of a small group of friends who don’t get out very often but when we do it always has to be limited due to Lauren’s choices.”

The woman says the friends live in a small town with limited dining out options so their choices for catching up are few and far between. While that in itself is an issue, the real problem is when Lauren gets upset about her friends’ choices. 

“She doesn’t say anything if we get a soup with chicken in it,  but if we ordered a hamburger she would cause drama. She also doesn’t drink, which is no big deal, but she will send us videos on the harmful effects of alcohol if we get a drink or two with dinner. 

“It has gotten on my nerves to say the least. It’s been awhile now so I am done with everyone catering to her needs.” 

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"I respect your choices but they limit mine"

The woman shares how she has stopped going out with her friends at all because she doesn’t want to spend money on dining out in places she doesn’t like, or be made to feel guilty when she has a glass or two of wine. 

But now Lauren has noticed her absence.

“She asked why I keep bailing so I told her, ‘I respect your choices but by the very nature of them they have limited mine. Being that I don’t have the ability to go out often nor unlimited funds I am only going to go when I know the entire experience will be what I want. So if I am in the mood for a steak and a vodka tonic I want to have them in a relaxed atmosphere and that obviously bugs you. If I’m in the mood for a salad and water I will gladly join you, or we can just hang out at the beach when we have time during the day’.”

Unsurprisingly the woman wrote that Lauren did not like that much at all. 

She said that isn’t what friendship is about and I should enjoy the company enough not to care. I told her that I understood and I would gladly hang out with her when food or drink isn’t in question because it’s too expensive not to enjoy it.

“I later got a text from a mutual friend to say that Lauren was upset, but she agreed with me because she was tired of the same s**t. 

“Am I right in feeling like she’s being selfish, expecting the rest of us to do what she’s comfortable with each time?”

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"Veganism is her whole personality"

The comments were mostly helpful; advising the woman how to move on from here.

“I would make plans with another one of my friends and then invite the rest, so I knew at least one person was going,” one helpful user writes.

“[She suggests writing ]’Hey all! [Mutual friend] and I are going to be hitting up ______ at : pm for food and drinks! We would love for you all to join us:) text us so we can reserve a big enough table for our girls night out, please!

“There is no special occasion, other than me craving a steak and vodka tonic lol! If we don’t hear back by _____ evening, it’s not a problem and we’ll just assume you can’t make it this time around. Love you guys and hope you all can make it!’”

One woman had a few choice words for Lauren: “She's obnoxious and self-centred, you've behaved extremely kindly to her, more than I would.”

A second added: “Her entire personality is being vegan. That’s sad.”

While a third commented on the fact that thankfully she’s probably in the minority.

“Thankfully there are still reasonable vegan heads out there. It just sucks that this has to be a life crusade to so many.”

Originally published as 'I'm done catering to my vegan friend's selfish demands'