We need separate waiting rooms for all the different mums at the OB/GYN

"Losing my baby while I sat in a room full of very pregnant women sharing genders and scan photos will haunt me forever." Please note: sensitive content.

You've got a follow up appointment with your OB/GYN after the devastating loss of your baby.

You walk in, and the waiting room is FULL of women in their third trimester. They are huge with healthy babies; faces glowing with excitement.

You can imagine how they feel because that was you. Or should have been you. 

Instead, you're here for all the wrong reasons, and would do anything to not be confronted with people growing a family. Yes, you're happy for them, and wouldn't wish your pain on anyone.

But the heartbreaking questions remains, "Why can't it be me, too?"

Then, on a logistical level you also think: "I can't sit here with them. I'm not ready. There needs to be another waiting room for mums like me."

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"A different waiting area"

This universal experience of many women was captured in a viral TikTok, and it's resonated all around the world. (You can watch the video above.) Describing her loss, and how it feels to be in that waiting room, India Batson has given voice to millions who've known the heartbreak of being in that situation.

The clip reached Australian Fertility Advocate Ceci Jeffries, founder of Fertility Collective - and the reaction was immediate and strong.

"I shared this post to my stories yesterday and had hundreds of replies," she wrote on Instagram. "I've chosen a handful to share to spread awareness and advocate for change."

Ceci asked her followers, "Should OB/GYN offices start to offer two different waiting rooms - one for those who are having successful, healthy pregnancies, and those who are going through a loss?"

The advocate for anyone experiencing pregnancy loss or fertility challenges then shared some of the responses she received. 

"Losing my baby while I sat in a room full of very pregnant women sharing genders and scan photos will haunt me forever," said one bereaved mum.

And another shared, "When I was having my miscarriage, I was placed in a waiting area with heavily pregnant women."

Image: iStock/Instagram

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"The suffering is excruciating"

The reaction was something Ceci feels she must represent loudly.

"If OB/GYN offices, fertility clinics and hospitals can do something to help lessen the pain for parents who are experiencing loss and infertility, then they should. Any act of empathy goes a long way when you're going through something so difficult," she exclusively tells Kidspot.

"We need much more awareness around losses and infertility. Hospitals and OB/GYN's offices need to be more sympathetic towards those going through something so heartbreaking.

"It can be pure torture for women experiencing loss or infertility to sit with pregnant women, hear fetal heartbeats and listen to newborn baby cries when they've lost their baby, are losing their baby or are struggling to have a baby.

"No one understands how difficult this is until they've experienced it. The suffering is excruciating. We need to do better."

Ceci's words are echoed by Dr Amber Hart, a GP specialising in maternal and infant wellbeing.

"It is clear from the comments that women want a separate space," Dr Hart tells Kidspot.

"I don't think sitting there needs to be mandatory, but it's important to offer a choice. We need to be sensitive to what an individual is going through."

Dr Hart says that there is hope going forward, with the gold standard accreditation of her clinic from the RACGP including the provision of a private space when needed.

"Staff must be trained in offering solutions, such as waiting in another consulting room, or even the car if the patient prefers. Every mum's experience matters."

This post was published in March 2024 and updated in September 2024.

Originally published as We need separate waiting rooms for all the different mums at the OB/GYN