The basic baby care act my husband just doesn't want to see

“He refuses to even be in the room when I do it, so he'll learn from YouTube if he needs to."

When their daughter was born eight weeks ago, one mum expected to navigate parenthood as a team with her husband.

But so far, it’s felt like a solo journey, especially when it comes to one basic responsibility that comes with newborn life: Changing nappies. 

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“I understand why it can be intimidating"

During her pregnancy, she believed her 23-year-old husband was excited to become a father. But now, she’s not so sure.

After experiencing a miscarriage in 2023, she says he seemed more enthusiastic back then than he does now. 

“He seemed more excited during that pregnancy than he did this time,” she shared.  “And this is new... he says he doesn't want to change nappies because it's ‘gross'."

In a post shared to Reddit, the mother opened up about his ongoing refusal and how she’s tried to support him through it.

“I understand why it can be intimidating because he is a man and she is a baby girl. She has different parts than he does,” she reasoned. 

“I reassured him that I would be here to help and show him what to do. He even practiced putting a nappy on a stuffed teddy bear before I had the baby.” 

But any hopes of him coming around haven’t translated into action. In fact, she says his resistance has only grown stronger. 

“He refuses to even be in the room while I change her,” the mum admitted. “Every time I bring it up and ask ‘so when do you want to start changing her nappy?’ He just says ‘we're doing this again?’

Now, she’s questioning whether he was ready for parenthood at all. 

Image: iStock

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“That’s absolutely absurd"

She turned to the forum, asking for advice on how to handle the situation.

“I think you need to keep pushing him,” one commenter suggested. 

Another criticised, “Guy thinks he is back in the 1800s or something.”

“That’s absolutely absurd. He needs to learn how to change a nappy or he literally cannot be a parent,” a third added. 

In a later edit to her post, the mother revealed that she’d tried to dig deeper into the reasoning behind his discomfort. 

“He said, ‘Everything. The different parts...’ and then kind of trailed off, like there was more to the sentence than what was said,” she recalled. “He told me, ‘Why would I take her from you to change her and then bring her back, when you could just do it?’”

She posed a simple question in response: What if she wasn’t there?

“I said, ‘What if something happened to me? Or I had to leave her with you for an hour or two?’ He said at that point, he’d look it up on YouTube and wouldn’t leave her sitting in a soiled nappy."

Originally published as The basic baby care act my husband just doesn't want to see