My wife wants to send our daughter to a private school; we can't afford it

"Is sacrificing our current financial stability for the sake of potential future success the right thing to do?"

"Let me start off by saying I am 100% for quality education and I believe in educational opportunities," a dad begins his post in an advice forum, "but where I draw the line is where those opportunities start putting our livelihood at risk."

He's talking about his wife's insistence that their child go to a private school despite their inability to afford it. 

"We've had many debates and almost fallouts over this issue," he continues. "While I understand the value she places on education, I'm unsure if she is just overlooking our financial situation or if she truly believes 'what's best for the children' outweighs our current precarious financial status."

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"Surely quality education doesn't guarantee success"

He says they're both working professionals, but as it stands, they barely make it through the month after covering mortgage, utilities, groceries, car-related expenses, and other life necessities.

"Our daughter is of age to go to school. My wife insists she must attend one of the top private schools in our city. The tuition fees for this school are astronomically high compared to the public school system or even other less prestigious private schools. There is simply no way we can afford that route without creating substantial debt or greatly diminishing her university fund," he explains. 

"When we got married, we were sure we wanted to give our children the best, but we had also agreed that we wouldn't risk our financial stability."

So, to tackle the issue, he suggested they explore less expensive private schools or even public school education paired with extracurricular activities, but the wife dismissed them all, stating they are "not comparable" to the education at her suggested private school.

The dad says he's "genuinely worried" that her insistence could drive the family into "financial ruin."

"As a father, of course, I want what’s best for my children, including a good school," he assures, "but surely quality education doesn't guarantee success just as much as the lack of exclusive education doesn't guarantee poor performance."

He concludes his post by asking, "Am I being unrealistic here? Is sacrificing our current financial stability for the sake of potential future success the right thing to do? Would love to hear your perspectives on this."

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"Your wife sounds delusional"

In the comments, people told the dad he wasn't being unreasonable, rather, he was being financially sensible. 

One user offered this practical advice: "Write out your budget monthly. Income versus expenses. Literally, every section should have a number. Show her and ask where the money for tuition should come from. Is she willing to downsize homes or where does she suggest to cut back to make it possible? Your quality of life needs to change to make it work, so where does she want to take that money from? Do her suggestion for a month (ie eating out less or something else).

"At the end of month, see if that money saved is still saved and have her evaluate her reality vs expectations. It doesn’t mean you don’t want the best for your daughter. Wanting it and affording it are different things."

Another agreed, "She can't be making demands and then hoping the money will appear out of thin air."

And then this user provided this perspective: "Your wife sounds delusional. If it helps, I went to very fancy private schools. I sent my kid to public. Neither was what you’d think it would be. My private schools killed us with work, and focused on very outdated pedagogy (we wrote a lot of long papers, why?). Her public schools were fine, absolutely fine, and the high school was pretty great. If you want your kid to have really well rounded knowledge and exposure to ideas, you do the extra yourself. You can’t outsource it."

And someone else made the point: "Consider that putting a kid who can barely afford it in an elite private school means your child will be an outcast in that school, and it might end up doing more harm than good."

"I attended an exclusive private boy’s school, one where parents literally sign their sons up before birth. Yes, I received an above-par education; they also taught me I was better than everyone else (I’m not), and they told us that where we had attended would matter ( I can guarantee you no one I know gives a rats ass where I went to primary and high school). Did my education set me apart? No. My willingness to learn and aim higher lead to my success. I’m a pilot, most of my colleagues went to regular old public school and are just as smart and as good at their job as me. Only difference is I can speak Latin and German," someone else shared. 

Originally published as My wife wants to send our daughter to a private school; we can't afford it