My husband told me to 'use my own money' for IVF

"He said, 'the truth hurts', as if that explains his selfishness."

A woman has been left wondering if she even knows the man she married, and with whom she's trying for a baby.

In their last argument, he told her their infertility was her medical issue, so she needed to pay for it herself.

This is after 13 years of marriage - so naturally, she's devastated. But that's not all that he said that night.

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"IVF sessions are costly"

Appealing to an online parenting group, the woman anonymously explained:

"We've been trying for so long to have a child but haven't been able to do it.

"A friend of mine suggested we try IVF, and I told my husband. He agreed to the suggestion but the cost kind of had him hesitating. IVF sessions are costly, but we can afford them.

"My husband said he wasn't sure we should take this route. He pointed out how one session isn't guaranteed and that we'd have to pay for more. Again, I mentioned how he and I can afford it with our money combined, he looked at me intently then told me that "logically", since I'm the cause of infertility then he thought that I should handle the cost of IVF sessions by myself.

"He said it to my face straight. I felt so hurt. Then said he was not obligated to pay for "my own medical issues". I lost it and decided to pack my stuff and go stay with my mother.

"He just a text stating "truth hurts". I got blamed by family saying I'm overriding his feelings and that he had the right to open up about how he felt when I kept pushing him about the IVFs.

"Have I overreacted?"

Image: iStock

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"This is the shittiest thing I've seen"

Commenters were empathetic to the woman, and reassured her she had reacted appropriately.

One even said, "That’s one of the shittiest things I’ve seen written on these boards. Be glad he showed you that side of himself before you had a child with him."

Others agreed, with one writing, "No, you didn't overreact. Your husband's comments were incredibly hurtful and insensitive. It's a shared journey, not just your "medical issue." You deserve support and understanding, not blame."

And another adding, "Your husband has violated his marriage vows in the most egregious way possible - he has violated the "in sickness and in health" clause. He has shown his true colours.

"What will he say if you get cancer???? "Oh honey, I'm not contributing to your chemotherapy... your cancer is a YOU problem."

There was no support for the husband's callous attitude, despite him of course having a right to reasonably discuss fertility treatment as a couple.

The only solution many saw was a break up: "You're dodging a bullet. Do you really wanna have kids with this man? Next thing you know you'd have a kid and he'd do nothing at all for them claiming they came out of your body so they're your responsibility.

"Divorce is looking good from this perspective."

Originally published as My husband told me to 'use my own money' for IVF