‘I’m going out to dinner on Friday night and I can't help feeling guilty’

"I was so excited, but then the wrath of mum guilt took centre stage."

I’ve heard all the sayings…

You can’t fill another person’s cups if your cup is empty.

You have to love yourself before you can love others.

Put your mask on before helping another with theirs.

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes- whoops, scratch that!

But why is it, since becoming a mum, embracing these feels, well, wrong?

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Friday night plans

My best friend and I used to schedule regular dinners to catch up on life, talk a bunch of gossip and enjoy a good meal.

However, after having a baby almost a year ago (ahh, how do I almost have a one-year-old child?!), these dinners dropped down the to-do list after my new title of mum was appointed.

For the record, I COULD have gone out for dinner, but it was a combo of not wanting to leave the baby and becoming a bit of a homebody.

However, I missed these dinners and, after much back and forth on trying to find a date that suits, the bestie and I locked in dinner this Friday. 

Initially, I was so excited, but then the wrath of mum guilt took centre stage.

RELATED: My postpartum body left me with no clothes to wear

Enter mum guilt stage left

Mum guilt is such an unwelcome guest who visits frequently and takes a lot of pushing and shoving to get out of the spotlight.

My husband isn’t just totally capable of solo parenting for the evening; he’s actually amazing at it, and despite the lounge room transforming into an obstacle course of old nappy boxes, lounge cushions and blanket forts, I know they are both having loads of fun.

When locking in the plans, I thought about how important it was for him to get some quality time with her alone, and that’s how I justified saying yes.

But now, I can’t help but feel guilty for wanting to go out alone to eat with two hands without Emma Memma blasting and picking up a toy from the floor in 15-second intervals.

So, what gives?

RELATED: Let’s all just drop the mum guilt

It's important we give dads time with their kids to make special memories, too!

What is mum guilt?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, mum guilt is the “name given to the feelings of guilt and shame some people feel when they don't live up to their own or others' expectations in their role as a parent". 

“It's like an internal dialogue that tells you you're failing as a caregiver.”

Relationships Australia revealed a recent study of nearly 1000 mums found that 78% suffered from mum guilt, with 68% feeling this way at least once daily.

I shouldn't have to give up the things I love to do just because I'm a mum

How to cope with mum guilt

Mum guilt is a common struggle, but self-compassion can ease the burden. 

Challenge your inner critic by practising kindness and celebrating small victories, acknowledging daily accomplishments in parenting.

The biggest lesson I’ve recently learned is to avoid the trap of comparing myself to other mums on social media. 

I often remind myself social media is a highlights reel, and while this mum’s white boucle sofa doesn’t have pumpkin puree stains on it, it doesn’t show her child’s poonami explosion or those four loads of laundry being neglected.

Dinner for two

So, this is a reminder to any mums (or dads/carers) that doing things for yourself doesn’t make you a bad mum. In fact, it makes you a better person, which then makes you a better mum.

Will I miss my daughter when I go out this Friday?

Absolutely!

But will catching up with my best friend over a delicious meal make me happy?

Abso-freakin’-lutely!

Originally published as ‘I’m going out to dinner on Friday night and I can't help feeling guilty’