'I was forced into a home birth by the person I least expected'

“I hear mothers say that they forget all the pain the second they have the baby, but I didn’t. I love my daughter so much, but it was horrible, and it was entirely their fault."

When Jenny* got pregnant with her first daughter, she was over the moon.

However, her pregnancy and birth experience would soon become a nightmare.

As soon as she told her husband Rob* she was expecting, he started beating the ‘home birth’ drum.

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“I really do not know why he was so adamant about it, but he was,” Jenny said.

“At first I brushed him off and told him I would think about it because the birth seemed so far off.

“Of course it came quickly, and my husband would literally speak over me at doctors’ appointments when they asked if I had a birth plan.”

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Jenny* was stunned when her husband Rob* refused to take her to hospital when she was in labour. Picture: iStock

"I felt overwhelmed"

Jenny said they had “some arguments” during the pregnancy, but she still fully intended to have a hospital birth.

Rob eventually got his mum involved, who also started pressuring Jenny into a home birth.

“I expressed my concerns about the safety of the baby and myself, but she just brushed me off,” Jenny said.

“I ended up telling my husband that I would take myself to hospital when it was time, but he acted as if he didn’t hear me.

“We met with a doula who was also very pushy. I felt overwhelmed and not supported at all.”

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Jenny said she was left feeling terrible after the birth, and blames her husband for the experience. Picture: iStock

"I begged him to take me to the hospital"

When push came to shove, Jenny quickly realised her husband truly wasn’t on her side.

“I was 39 weeks when I went into labour, and I begged my husband to take me to the hospital where my doctor was,” she said.

“He wouldn’t. He spoke to me condescendingly and called the doula instead. I ended up being in labour for about three days, and active labour for the last 22 hours.”

Jenny said her birthing experience was horrible, and that she “cried the whole time” while being forced to stay home to give birth.

“I just felt like something was wrong,” she said. “I was scared, and they often left me alone.

“The doula eventually said that if active pushing and labour reached 24 hours, I had to go to hospital. I remember thinking that I couldn’t decide which was worse: staying in labour for another two hours, or having my baby right here.

“When she was finally out, I don’t even remember wanting to hold her. I just remember crying out of relief.”

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"He absolutely ruined it for me"

Naturally, Jenny ended up being quite traumatised by the experience.

“I told my husband he absolutely ruined it for me,” she said.

“I hear mothers say that they forget all the pain the second they have the baby, but I didn’t. I love my daughter so much, but it was horrible, and it was entirely his fault.

“I told him that, and he just rolled his eyes at me and told me mothers are ‘strong’ and that I’m not trying to be strong.

“I told him that if we ever have another baby that I won’t be doing a home birth again. His response was ‘we’ll see’.”

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"This is a massive red flag"

Jenny took to Reddit to share her story, and commenters were horrified at her husband’s behaviour.

“Why are you still with a man who ignored all your wishes, and was able to ignore your crying, fear and pain for hours just to get his way?” one person asked.

“A normal loving person wouldn’t be able to stand seeing your suffering at all, let alone for this long.”

“I don’t think this would be forgivable for me, and my older children’s dad was a tw*t both during and after birth,” another woman wrote.

“When you are feeling able, I would look at reporting the doula and putting boundaries in place to make sure your husband can’t pull any other shenanigans like skipping vaccinations.”

“This is a massive red flag,” a third person wrote. “Obviously a father should be involved in decisions for the child, but when it comes to birth, the mother’s choices should matter so much more.

“Requesting you consider a home birth and asking you to research it is fine. Forcing you is so beyond OK.

“Your husband showed no concern or consideration for your safety or the safety of your child. He disregarded your feelings, your comfort and your autonomy. These are not the actions of someone who loves you.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as 'I was forced into a home birth by the person I least expected'