I let my teen make a permanent life-changing choice behind my husband's back

"He said I broke his trust and undermined his authority. He is now giving me the silent treatment."

Parenting is a tough gig that often makes us overthink every decision we make for our kids and the ones we let them make for themselves. 

In a recent forum post, a mum grapples with this, as she finds herself in a tricky situation when her teenage twins, John* and Judie*, decide they want tattoos.

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"I thought f**k it"

Both parents have ink themselves, but things get awkward when John shares his intended design, which the mum fears could be mistaken for a white supremacist symbol.

"He chose the world serpent from Norse mythology and this tree. The serpent forms a circle around the tree and there are Norse runes inside the circle. I saw it and had to think immediately about white supremacists and their Nordic tattoos," the mum explained. "We are white with blond hair and blue eyes and this tattoo would send the wrong signals. He wouldn't compromise on the design."

Meanwhile, Judie's design got the green light - a "lovely little flower" -  whereas John's got an "instant no." This caused the dad to pull the plug on the whole thing for both of them as he said he "wanted them to get tattoos at the same time."

Not wanting her daughter to be punished because of John, the mum decided she still deserved to get a tattoo.

"Why should Judie suffer because of her brother's unwillingness to choose something more appropriate?" she asked.

"In the end, I thought f*ck it. She’s getting this tattoo. So I drove her to my studio without telling hubby and she got her tattoo. My husband was furious when he saw it and called me a massive a**hole. He said I broke his trust and undermined his authority. He is giving me the silent treatment," she explained.

Image: iStock

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"You have major damage control to do here, if that's even possible"

The viral post has opened up a can of worms about parenting choices and thousands of commenters had thoughts. 

"YTA. I’m heavily tattooed and I cannot imagine ever letting a 16-year-old get tattooed. Sure, I wanted tattoos at that age and they would have been so sh*t cause what you want at sixteen usually very much differs from when you’re 18. If I saw someone with a Nordic tattoo, my first thought wouldn't be white supremacy but this is also why kids shouldn’t be getting tattoos. Your husband seemed to finally be thinking this through, you went behind their back to do it anyway," the top comment, with 7.1k likes, read.

Someone else agreed, saying, "YTA - this is honestly about respecting your husband's wishes and coming at this as a team. Now you’ve put all sorts of issues and play with not just your relationship with him but your relationship with both of your kids. You owe everyone an apology. And honestly, 16 is too young to get a tattoo. I had a girlfriend whose dad let her get a tattoo at 16 and she regrets it every day now that she’s in her 40s."

And another concluded, "YTA - this is a decision for both parents when talking about a minor. You really screwed up. What was the downside to waiting until everyone was in agreement? And your son is probably going to double down on his design and just do it without permission once he turns 18. You have major damage control to do here (if it's even possible)."

Originally published as I let my teen make a permanent life-changing choice behind my husband's back