'I gave my kindy girl too much control': Mum's awkward birthday invite error

"Did I mess up? What are the unspoken social norms for school age parties?"

Children’s birthday parties are delicate grounds for parents to navigate, with the appropriate “etiquette” constantly being thrown into question. 

We have yet another example this week: after a mixup following her daughter’s most recent birthday party, a mum has shared her experience of a rookie mistake.

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RELATED: ‘Sweat shop’: Birthday party plot twist omitted from invitation

"I didn't invite the whole class"

Posting under the name AnitaShower - so we’ll call her Anita - she explained that due to the cost of hiring a venue, she made the decision not to invite the entire kindergarten class.

In her experience, there was a “siblings welcome” policy that could result in about 50 children coming along - and she couldn't risk having to pay for that many guests.

Instead, Anita gave her daughter the opportunity to pick the classmates she’d like to invite. To keep everything private, she circulated the invitations online, instead of handing them out at school.

According to Anita, about one week after the party while at school pick-up, one mum apologised for not RSVP’ing to the event. However, little did she know, her child wasn’t invited in the first place. 

Now, Anita says she feels “awful” and “mortified” about the situation and wonders if she could have done anything differently.

Is this girl too young to decide her party list? Image: iStock

RELATED: Dad won’t cancel 5yo’s party even though the boy can’t go

"It all depends on how many you've excluded"

In a surprising turn for the internet, people have compassionately responded - sharing their own missteps and guidance for the future. 

A number of parents suggested keeping an eye out on the number of people who aren’t invited.

“I think it depends on how many kids are being included vs excluded. If only 5/30 classmates get the invite, it's fine. But if 20/30 get the invite some of the excluded kids will be hurt, especially if they are often excluded,” one user wrote.

A different commenter added, “I asked my kindergartner and she named off all the girls except 2 - and I didn't want to exclude 2 so we invited just all the girls.”

Others shared that to save on costs, they let their child invite the number of friends equal to their age. 

“My rule for my kiddo is you can invite how many friends as the age you’re turning. 5th bday, 5 friends, etc etc. We pick a smaller venue, at a playground, where they can run around freely.”

Many also jumped in to comfort the mother, saying that it’s perfectly reasonable not to invite everybody. 

“Now if the whole class was invited except one or two, then yeah that doesn’t look great, but having a short guest list due to finances and energy is perfectly fine. No one is owed an invite to every birthday just because they happen to share a classroom,” another user expressed.

Since posting earlier this week, Anita has updated the original thread, thanking everyone for their advice. 

“Looking back, my husband and I naively never thought to consider how many of the total girls we were inviting versus the whole class—perhaps because our daughter has always played with both boys and girls,” she said. 

“This experience has taught me so much about navigating the social aspects of parenting, and I'm committed to being more thoughtful and inclusive in the future.”

Who could have expected this? A respectful and helpful discussion on the internet. More of this please!

Originally published as 'I gave my kindy girl too much control': Mum's awkward birthday invite error