I don't have time for 'demure and mindful' - I'm a mum

"I'm not like the other mums. When my kids tell me they want to go to the park I say it's closed. Very deceitful, very dishonest."

'Demure' and 'mindful' have re-entered the vernacular according to a viral TikTok trend - but as a mother of three boys, I don't have time for being either.

Here's an example of why.

It's a school day. I have barely opened my eyes and already have had to beg almost on my hands and knees to get them dressed and eat breakfast.

I have also refereed two physical and one verbal battle between my older two.

Do they listen? No, they don't. So: enter my alter-ego, 'Deceitful Mum.'

And there ain't nothin' demure or mindful about her.

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"Very demure, very mindful"

Deceitful Mum tells very small, and I would argue insignificant, white lies, to get them out of my hair/ to school on time.

I thought I was alone until I stumbled on the wise words of Chaya of London. She, too, is a self-professed deceitful mum.

In her viral video, she says, mocking the viral TikTok trend, "I'm not like the other mums. When my kids tell me they want to go to the park, and I don't, I say it's closed.

"Very deceitful, very dishonest.

"When they find their arts and crafts in the bin, I tell them the cleaner threw it away. Very tricky, very cunning."

My favourite line in her clip is this: "I don't lay in their bed and scratch their back for an hour. I close the door and let them cry, very mean. I go back to my own room and cry quietly into my pillow.

"Very demure, very mindful."

Jordana is not a 'demure or mindful' mum. Image: Supplied

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"White lies and deceit run our home"

Let's face it: Demure and mindful have no place in the everyday world of parenting.

White lies or deceit run our household. My boys are nine, seven, and two. While they do push back on every request I make, they often buy into the lies that I tell them - which I say mostly to keep them safe but also to keep me sane.

I regularly (as does Chaya) tell the kids that something is "spicy" when I don't want to share. It's usually all sugary treats that I want for myself and no one else.

"You won't like it. It's spicy," I tell them.

It's harmless, and there's no tantrum.

Jordana with her boys. Image: Supplied

Another classic is when they get too loud and are up way past bedtime. I will come in and say, "The neighbours have messaged. They are ready to call the police because they think something is wrong over here."

It shocks them enough to quieten down and go to sleep.

*Shout out to my neighbours who have NEVER messaged but have had every right to!

"No, I can't put on the TV," I'll say when I'm woken at an ungodly hour. "The Wiggles are still asleep."

HARMLESS.

"Sorry, I don't know where your teeny tiny mini figure that came from a Kinder surprise."

LIE! I tossed it during my rage cleaning.

"If you keep picking your nose, it will fall off."

This one has yet to be effective, but one can always hope.

"Choosing your battles is easier than being demure"

While some parents may think I'm "hurting" my kids by lying, I would argue that having me totally spent is by far worse for them. This is parenthood.

We are navigating life from sun up to sun down, keeping our little ones alive and relatively happy while also trying to maintain some dignity as a person.

So if demure and mindful isn't working for you, consider going rogue like I often do. And not just with your kids -I highly recommend you try it with your husband, too.

Originally published as I don't have time for 'demure and mindful' - I'm a mum