'Get it yourself, mate': Here's how I got into my 'lazy mum' era

"Before this epiphany, if my kids would say they're thirsty, I would run to the tap as fast as I could to quench their thirst as if they'd been wandering the desert for days." 

"You need to be a lazier parent."

No truer phrase has ever been uttered, and I applaud mum and content creator Leahova for her honesty in saying it, and for being a parenting genius.

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"You're helping your kids too much"

She starts her very Parenting 101 video by saying, "You need to be lazier. I think everyone's helping their kids too much." 

She's right. The more we do for our kids, the less they will do or want to do for themselves. On a rational level, most of us know this.

"Be there if they need you, but if they ask for something, say, 'Honey, I'm literally having my coffee right now. You can get it yourself'.

"You can tell which kids are having everything done for them because they can't even eat an apple if it's not cut."

She ends her lesson by saying, "You can be lazier, and it will probably make your kids better. " 

Jordana with her boys. Image: Supplied

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“What was I gaining from all of my hovering?”

As a mum of three boys nine and under, I stand with her.

"The best form of parenting is high attentiveness but low interference," the saying goes. I used to wonder, is that really thing? 

It's my thing now. And I wished I had done it sooner.  

When I realised that I was quickly falling into the typical trope of a helicopter parent, I needed to take a step back. What was I gaining from all of my hovering and dare I say it, controlling?

Not a whole lot. And neither were they!

Before this epiphany, if my kids would say, "I'm thirsty," I would run to the tap as fast as I could to quench their thirst as if they'd been wandering the desert for days. 

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were almost handed to them on a silver platter. 

Their PJs would remain on the floor until I picked them up and aggressively threw them into the laundry basket. 

Jordana with her boys. Source: supplied

They didn’t even know where their clothes came from

If I asked them to get dressed, they would look down at the floor and up at me, confused. This was simply because I would always ceremoniously bow as I placed their daily wears in front of them. They didn't know. 

I knew it had to stop when my nine-year-old was still demanding an audience when he went to the toilet. 

I was running around like a headless chicken for all three— four if you include my husband —and for what? 

When I went to bed at night I would say, "Ahhhh, I'm so good, I've fostered another day of helplessness in my kids and husband!"

Enter “lazy mum”

Enter the "lazy mum" era. I'll admit the name needs tweaking but stay with me on this one. 

I began to pull back on being the 24/7 concierge and butler service my kids had become accustomed to. I started small, having them take out their uniforms for the week. I gave them a soft landing by having a set of drawers labelled with the days of the week outside their bedrooms for said uniforms. 

For breakfast, we would pull out the essentials the night before, but in the morning, say, "OK, make your breakfast."

The first day, there was more food on the bench than in their bellies, but now they've got it. And I see they're proud of what they can achieve independently. 

They still will inform me they're thirsty, but I won't flinch. I'll just remind them that they live here and know how to solve the problem. 

When it comes to my toddler, don't get me wrong, I still help him, but I'm fostering his independence a whole lot earlier than his brothers.

He now wants to put his nappy in the bin, put his clothes in the laundry basket, and take his plate over. He's proud, and so he should be. 

But there's one thing I would change: I would sub "observer" for "lazy". Because lazy is generally a negative word. It means you aren't doing anything, disengaged or complicit. The combination of laziness and parenting makes it feels shameful - a brush that no one wants to be painted with. 

So try it with your kids, I promise it's liberating. For all of you!

Originally published as 'Get it yourself, mate': Here's how I got into my 'lazy mum' era