Are the kids worried about a war? A paediatric psychologist shares what to say to them

Ideally, your child should hear about distressing events like war from you. An Aussie paediatric psychologist guides you through how the conversation should go. 

It’s natural as a parent to feel unsure about talking to your kids about frightening world events - particularly when they’re dominating the news.

Take the current conflict involving Iran and Israel - this is a heavy topic, and it’s natural to want to protect your kids from being exposed to it.

But kids are incredibly perceptive! Even if you haven’t already spoken about it, your kids may have overheard snippets of conversations from other adults, caught glimpses on TV or social media, or even picked up on the emotional tone in your home.

Here’s how you can navigate these conversations in a calm, supportive, and developmentally appropriate way.

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War talk is scary for children all over the world. Image: iStock

Should we talk about it at all?

Yes - ideally, your child should hear about distressing events like war from you, rather than picking up confusing or scary details from others. This gives you the chance to present the information in a way that is honest, but also developmentally appropriate and reassuring.

You know your child best, and you know what information is appropriate for their unique developmental stage. While children as young as five years old can start to show curiosity about the world around them, it doesn’t mean they need to know all the details! It does, however, mean that they benefit from gentle explanations to help them feel safe. 

Start with what they know

Ask if they’ve heard anything about what’s happening. Let their questions guide how much information you provide.

You might say:

“There’s been some news lately about fighting in another part of the world - have you heard anything about that?”

This creates space for your child to voice their concerns and lets you correct any misunderstandings.

Keep it simple, clear and truthful

At all costs, don’t overwhelm your child with graphic detail or emotionally charged language. Instead, use simple and direct terms that they will understand.

You could say:

“It’s a bit weird, but sometimes countries don’t get along and they fight.”

In a situation like the current one, it’s helpful to emphasise that most people, including the world leaders, are trying really hard to find peaceful solutions.

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Reassure them about their safety

It’s natural for children to question their own safety when they hear about distressing events. There will be children at the moment worrying that there will be a war in Australia, or that someone they love will be affected.

This is particularly so for those with relatives in impacted countries. It’s important that as adults, we keep calm and offer rational reassurance to help our kids feel secure.

You could say:

“It’s normal to feel scared when things like this happen. But remember, this is happening far away from us and you’re safe.”

Monitor media exposure

With distressing news content on high rotation, we need to firstly explain why our children are seeing it so often.

You can say:

“It’s on the news so much because it is so unusual - if these things happened all the time, it wouldn’t be such a big news story”

Secondly, we need to be vigilant with monitoring the content our kids are accessing, and limiting it as much as possible. If your child does come across upsetting images or news, talk to them about it and encourage them to come to you with questions.

Validate their emotional experience

One of our most important jobs as parents is to let our kids know that it is normal to have big feelings. So ensure your child knows it’s okay to feel sad, scared, or confused, and help them regulate their emotions through play, physical activity, and creative arts.

Try saying:

“It’s normal to feel upset about what’s happening. I feel that way too sometimes. There are lots of ways we can make ourselves feel better”

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Offer a sense of agency

Older children may struggle with the knowledge that there are people suffering in the world, and as a result, may feel disempowered with a sense of helplessness.

This is a great sign of empathy, and if your child wants to help, you can empower them by exploring developmentally appropriate ways that they can make a difference - like donating money to a charitable organisation or raising awareness with their classmates. 

Keep the conversation going

Like all the important topics, this isn't a one-time chat. Drip-feeding small pieces of appropriate information and encouraging your child to come to you with questions or worries builds trust, resilience, and a healthy understanding of the world. Even when that world feels scary.

If you’re feeling unsure yourself - remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers! What’s more important is ensuring your child feels comfortable coming to you with questions or worries, and understands that their feelings are valid.

Amanda Abel is an Australian paediatric psychologist and mum. You can visit her website here. 

Originally published as Are the kids worried about a war? A paediatric psychologist shares what to say to them