Advice Needed: My husband wants to leave our 11-year-old at the cinema alone, I said no

"I've told him that I'm not comfortable leaving them at the shopping centre by themselves. Am I being overprotective?"

"My husband wants to see them into the cinema and then leave the two boys at the shopping centre and return home."

Advice Needed

My husband has suggested taking our 11-year-old son and his friend (similar age) to the movie theatre as our son has a gift card. My husband wants to see them into the cinema and then leave the two boys at the shopping centre and return home until it's time to pick them up (we live about 30 mins away). I've told him that I'm not comfortable leaving them at the shopping centre by themselves. Am I being overprotective? What age would you leave a child at a shopping centre/movie theatre by themselves?

Have an anonymous question you desperately need answered? Submit a question to our Advice Needed column.

Jordana's Advice

As a mum, I totally understand your discomfort and I don’t believe that is being overprotective. Sadly these days, it’s just the world we live in, deciding when to allow kids to do things by themselves and have some independence. I also feel for tweens, as they want that independence but are also still young!

The other sticking point is that your son is going with a friend. Firstly, be honest with the other parent as well, they too might feel the same way and not want the boys to be left alone. There are many scary scenarios you and anyone reading this could conjure up, and while sometimes these nightmares can become a reality, there are ways to avoid it. And for me, going home in between isn’t an option, given their age. 

I would suggest that you say to your husband that you aren’t comfortable with the boys being left alone. This isn’t being a helicopter-mum, given that the boys are still quite young. Here are a few solutions for your husband that will hopefully alleviate any concern both for his time and safety of the boys. Could they choose a movie that he would like to watch? If not, he could see one he wants to see at the same time as the boys' movie, while he’s not sitting with the boys but is at least in the cinema, in case the boys need anything.

Alternatively, if the cinema is in a shopping centre, give him the shopping list for the week. He’s alone, in the supermarket, for parents that’s practically a holiday. Finally, he could sit in the lobby of the theatre, watch Netflix, a sports match, read a book, enjoy the quiet time - anything! I mean, at this point I would be happy to chaperone just to have some alone time! Whatever he decides, he needs to communicate this to the boys, especially if they don’t have phones and no way of contacting him.

Arrange a meeting place for when the movie finishes, and if anything does go wrong or they feel uncomfortable, how to get in touch or where to find him. 

For a PG-rated film, it’s not recommended for viewing by people under the age of 15 without guidance from parents. Photo: iStock

RELATED: At what age should you leave kids home alone?

To answer your question about what age, this is a tricky one, and I would say that it may vary depending on the child’s personality. You know your child, if they are responsible and confident enough to be alone. Given there has been a lot of chatter recently about what age to allow children to go into a public restroom without a parent. You’re not wrong to be concerned.

While cinema websites don’t have a hard and fast rule about unaccompanied minors, the classifications rules might give you a guideline for the future. For a PG-rated film, it’s not recommended for viewing by people under the age of 15 without guidance from parents, teachers or guardians.

It’s very likely that if they are seeing a PG movie there will be other children in the cinema. However, if they are seeing a MA 15+ movie the boys would need a guardian in the cinema in order to watch the film, not to mention there would be more adults than children. I’m sure most cinemas don’t enforce this rule, but I think it’s a good argument to be staying within the confines of the shopping centre while the movie is on. 

I hope this helps, and if your husband doesn’t want to take up that quiet alone time, you should take it for yourself!

Originally published as Advice Needed: My husband wants to leave our 11-year-old at the cinema alone, I said no