A viral TikTok trend is exposing the lengths women go to feel safe in their own relationships

It started as a catchy trend, but what it's become is a raw, heartbreaking reminder of how many women are still documenting their relationships for safety.

It starts with a beat. A catchy hook. A TikTok clip featuring Lorde’s voice singing, “Let’s hear it for the man of the year."

You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s another fun internet trend. But keep watching - things get dark fast.

Instead of praise, women are using the trend to expose toxic, disturbing, and sometimes dangerous behaviour from men in their lives. Some post screenshots of text messages that reveal emotional abuse. Others share videos, voicemails, even footage of damage to their property. Some are funny. Some are terrifying. All of them are real.

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When a song becomes something darker

Behind these reels is a heartbreaking common thread: many of these women are documenting this behaviour not to go viral, but as a safety measure. It's a sad fact that when you live with someone who manipulates you, scares you, or makes you feel like the truth won’t be believed - evidence becomes everything.

The Man of the Year trend on TikTok started with Lorde’s song of the same name, released in May. It was meant to be a cheeky and artistic take on gender identity and self-perception. In fact, Lorde has said the track was inspired by her experience attending a GQ 'Men of the Year' party. In the music video, she plays with gender roles, binding her chest and dancing alone in a dirt-strewn room.

But like so many things online, the song took on a life of its own.

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Lorde had no idea her song would inspire this movement. Source: Lorde/Instagram

Stories that hit too close to home

TikTok users - mostly women - began overlaying the upbeat track with posts about their most painful relationship experiences. And what started as a few confessional clips has turned into a viral, public archive of emotional neglect, coercive control, and domestic abuse.

In one post, TikTok user @brinley_huebert shares how her ex-fiancé gained her trust by encouraging her to open up about a past assault - only to later perpetrate the same kind of abuse himself. The betrayal is staggering, but sadly, it’s not unique.

@brinley_huebert

He sucks #manoftheyear #fyp #dv #domesticabuseawareness #assaultawarness #exfiance

♬ Man Of The Year - Lorde

Brisbane woman, @graciejade777 posted a video showing her car - a family heirloom passed down through generations — smashed and vandalised by her partner. The damage wasn’t just to the vehicle. It was emotional. Symbolic. A message.

@graciejade777

Thanks boyfriend

♬ Man Of The Year - Lorde

Another user, @rootedlove88, told her story of being groomed and isolated by a man who fathered her three children by the time she was 17. He cut her off from her family, moved her interstate, then abandoned her. Her story is one of resilience - but also of deep, long-term trauma that started when she was still a child herself.

@rootedlove88

♬ Man Of The Year - Lorde

Even the quieter forms of damage are getting airtime.

TikTok user @annier_uok offered a cautionary tale about marrying the so-called “nice guy.” Her video suggests that sometimes the most insidious behaviour hides behind a mask of respectability - the kind of man who knows exactly how to behave in public, but not behind closed doors. It’s a familiar feeling for too many women.

@annier_uok

rule #1 never date a mid guy just bc he’s “nice”

♬ Man Of The Year - Lorde

What this trend tells us - and why we should listen

These aren’t just bad breakups. They’re stories of survival. And in many of them, you can feel the underlying message: “If anything happens to me, here’s the proof.”

Because for some women, this kind of digital record is the only line of defence they have. It’s heartbreaking to even type, but many of us know this instinct. The urge to take a screenshot. To save a message. To record a conversation - not to use against someone, but just in case you need someone to believe you.

And what does it say about the world we live in, that we even have to think like this?

The trend has opened up huge cultural conversations about how women experience relationships, especially when power and control are involved. It’s also another example of how Gen Z in particular uses humour - and platforms like TikTok - to cope with trauma. There’s strength in solidarity, yes. But there’s also pain in numbers.

@lorde

These messages…….

♬ Man Of The Year - Lorde

Lorde responds with quiet concern

Lorde herself seemed shocked by the direction the trend had taken. She responded with a simple TikTok video of her own, captioned only: “These messages…”

It was short, but it said everything.

Because when the stories are this widespread - and this serious - it’s hard to look away. And maybe we shouldn’t.

If a viral trend is what it takes to get these stories noticed, then so be it. But let’s not pretend it’s just entertainment. These are real women. Real families. Real trauma. And if there’s one thing this trend has made heartbreakingly clear, it’s that far too many women are still living in fear - and quietly collecting evidence, just in case the people around them don’t believe them.

If you or someone you know is impacted by domestic violence, support is available. Call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for 24/7 confidential advice and assistance.

Originally published as A viral TikTok trend is exposing the lengths women go to feel safe in their own relationships