My mum gap year was a relief worth waiting two lifetimes | Robyn Ingerson

It’s a milestone that some say leaves a parent feeling aimless and empty. So why didn’t I feel like that, writes Robyn Ingerson.

Children.

As a mother, you spend the first 18 years of their life making sure that you invest just the right amount of time (which is all your time) demonstrating how to be a decent human, how to love, learn, respect, be kind, considerate, form friendships, cook, clean, to develop empathy, courage, gratitude, a keen sense of humour, brew a strong work ethic, save, and then they leave.

They leave.

Some mother’s talk about the loss, the despair, the void, which remains after the kids go, days of walking aimlessly around the house, wondering what on earth they are going to do now.

For me, both kids left on the same day last February within 30 minutes of each other – one went east, one went west.

As the days leading up to the departure loomed instead of feeling panicked, I felt, well, euphoric.

Sorry, kids.

It was not as though I was not going to miss them, but I felt my job was done.

I had put so much energy into their young life, school life, family life, and do not get me wrong, I made some spectacular fails, but I did put in an A-grade effort at least.

As they headed off on their adventures for uni and travel, I realised that my very own gap year was about to begin,

I do not begrudge being a mum – far from it, it has been an absolute honour and joy, and definitely the most rewarding of all vocations, but suddenly to have the space and time to engage in activities that were purely for me, has been like receiving a gold watch after 40 years of service.

Despite working full time, I have been able to practice yoga, sometimes up to six classes a week without the juggle of school drop-offs, pick-ups, work, sport practice, washing, cooking, cleaning (and repeat).

While all of that was fun, to now have the elixir of time, is such a gift.

I am not sure why this is not well publicised among the mum fraternity.

I hear some say you raise your kids, and then as a parting gift for all your efforts you hit the war zone of menopause.

Instead, we should be promoting the gap year and the key selling points of finally having time for yourself, to exercise, investigate health options, travel with friends, play cards on a Wednesday night just because, pickle ball whenever possible, cook for pleasure, read, date, and even see friends during the week.

Seriously, the gap year is equivalent to having ice cream every single night and not feel one ounce of remorse.

I like to focus on the positive aspect that we have assisted our kids to a point of takeoff, given them as many life skills that we could possibly cram into 18 years, wish them good luck, and the good grace that it is now their turn to work out the type of human they want to be.

And then let them do it.

I am constantly pulling myself up from interfering with the building of their own adult brand. It is about embracing the adult-to-adult relationship with them now and letting go.

My gap year has been an opportunity to take on new projects – writing, charity work, research, fitness and even love.

I mean who does not want love in their gap year?

So, here’s to that!

Robyn ‘Ringo’ Ingerson is a single working mother who likes to ponder on the power of female friendships, surviving menopause, and the quest for true love.

Originally published as My mum gap year was a relief worth waiting two lifetimes | Robyn Ingerson