If you don’t know who these people are, you’re old

One moment you’re young and trendy and the next minute you’re writing an email that reveals you’re old.

OPINION

A swanky event to promote the skincare brand Bali Body was brimming with Aussie influencers, and if you don’t know who they are, you’re officially old - and so am I.

I understand why you don’t want to hear this, no one wants to be past it, but let me give you some cold, hard facts that you won’t be able to wriggle your way out of.

The event was held at Bar Jayda, a trendy cocktail bar in Melbourne where people like to post photos of themselves looking cute with fancy cocktails.

It’s somewhere where you want your Hinge date to suggest meeting for the first time.

Instead, they’ll suggest Max Brenner, but in a perfect world, they’d pick somewhere cool like this.

If you don’t know who these ladies are, it’s time to admit defeat. Picture: Supplied

Molly on the right has more than 150,000 followers. Picture: Supplied

Bali Body, known for its self-tanning milk, held the swanky event to celebrate signing a rumoured multimillion-dollar deal with Coles.

I’m not going to say anything crazy like it’s the new Bondi Tan, because that would be an attack on millennials, but it is emerging as a trendy brand that influencers like to take sexy photos with.

The Aussie event featured all the things you’d expect: florals that probably cost more than most people’s rent, a three-course meal that looked very Instagram-friendly, and mood lighting that was perfect for selfies.

Five years ago, it would have been the kind of event you’d have seen Bec Judd at, or maybe Tammy Hembrow.

Bali Body founders Laura and Dave told news.com.au that they are always on-top of the Gen Z and Alpha trends, so it makes sense, they knew who to invite to their shindig.

“Beauty trends like the; ‘yummy enough to eat’ beauty trend. You can see this playful marketing approach, reflected in our latest products, like our Gradual Tanning Butter and Self Tan Body Milk,” they said.

“We also regularly incorporate office and employee content to give our audience a behind the scenes look at what goes on at Bali Body HQ.”

If you only know who her dad is, you’re old. Picture: Supplied

Brooke's almost at 80,000 followers. Picture: Instagram/BrookeWarne

It also attracted some Australian stars, the crème de le crème, of the Gen Zers, if you will: Shane Warne’s daughter Brooke Warne, Love Island alum Nakia Pires, and Influencers Molly Cook and Kairo Calvitto.

If the only name that means anything to you is Shane Warne, I’ll try to break the news gently: You’re old and out of touch and need to start taking daily vitamins.

Even as I write this, I’m wondering if I should ingest vitamin C daily now.

This wasn’t an event that only managed to attract Z-listers.

These young people are the new big stars.

Molly has more than 100,000 followers on Instagram, and Kairo has around 150,000 as well. Brooke’s edged past 70,000 followers, and Nakia, who was on a very beloved Gen Z show, has more than 80,000 followers.

The Gen Zers have more followers on Instagram than the populations of some rural Aussie towns.

On social media she's so Gen Z that she describes herself as someone that "loves a photo dump". Picture: Instagram/kairocalvitto

She was on Season Five of Love Island. Picture: Instagram/nakiapires

Grace Garrick, who runs the trendy PR agency MVMNT, who are often behind the glitzy events you see across your social media feeds, put on the event.

In true PR fashion, she sent an email to offer the media a recap of the event, explaining who went, and some photos.

I stared at the list of names, and besides Brooke Warne, who I know because of her father, I was at a loss.

So I Googled them, figuring maybe they just weren’t that famous, or didn’t have big social media followings.

You can be a social media snob all you want, but these days if you’re a successful Aussie influencer, you’ve achieved the same level of fame someone would get from starring on Home and Away in the early 2000s.

Influencers are our new famous people.

I sent an email, explaining that I felt old. Picture: News.com.au

Knowing who the cool influencers are like Molly, is a sign of youth. Picture: Instagram/MollyCook

I replied to Ms Garrick’s email and made a very personal confession: My lack of recognition of these famous people, with their low-rise jeans and photo dumps, could only mean one thing.

“I am getting old because I dunno who these people are,” I wrote back.

It is not something I’m happy to admit - I’m young! I own $60 Cotton On baggy jeans and I post photo dumps.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was explaining to someone older than me the love triangle between Sabrina Carpenter, Shawn Mendes, and Camila Cabello, and now I’m starring at Aussie influencers with zero recognition?

If you’re reflex is to argue that these people just aren’t famous enough, and in fact, you’re hip and very cool and have never needed a Gaviscone to help with indigestion - then you’ve already lost the argument.

Once you start insisting that older stars are the cool stars, then you’re old. I remember mum telling me Harry Styles would never be Brad Pitt.

The truth was staring me in the face, though.

You know you’re not young and trendy anymore when you don’t even know who the young and trendy people are.

Originally published as If you don’t know who these people are, you’re old