Awkward phone call after 45yo’s wedding

A social media influencer and dad has revealed how he blacked out at his own wedding — and what happened next changed his life forever.

A social media influencer and dad has revealed how he blacked out at his own wedding — and it still wasn’t enough to stop his drinking.

Ben Tate is one half of social media duo Ben and Zara, where Mr Tate and his daughter lip sync and dance on social media. However, when she was born nine years ago it was the breaking point for the father-of-two to start his sobriety journey.

Mr Tate appeared on Two Doting Dads, a podcast hosted by Matty J and Ash Wicks, and opened up about his drinking and recovery.

The 45-year-old said it had been a long journey of knowing that he shouldn’t drink.

“My mum would say in my late teens, ‘Some people just shouldn’t drink and you’re one of them’,” he recalled on the podcast.

Mr Tate did a nine-week stint in rehab in 2010, and tried to “control” his drinking by only drinking light beers. At the time, he was working at a pub while also doing voice overs. It was at the pub he worked where he met his wife Lisa in 2011.

He said on the surface it looked like “everything was awesome” but when he’d go to dinner with Lisa, he’d have a light beer and then disappear to the bar to have a “couple shots”.

It progressed over time, and he “blacked out” towards the end of their wedding in 2013.

Ben Tate opened up about his sober journey. Picture: Instagram/@twodotingdads

“I said a couple of mean things to some of the people I love the most in my life; two of my groomsmen, my sister-in-law, my cousin,” he said.

“It was actually my cousin, the next day who rang me and told me. I had no idea. We went on the honeymoon and I was just filled with guilt, remorse and regret.”

He said six weeks later, at a family event with a drink in his hand, he was apologising to his sister-in-law and brother. His brother accepted, but said it was “never going to happen again”. “I remember thinking clear as day, ‘I can’t guarantee that’,” he said.

Mr Tate said he’d been hit by cars, burned bridges and had pancreatitis more than once due to his drinking.

He said on one occasion he didn’t come home and Lisa found him in the bushes. She gave him an ultimatum — clean up or she would leave after just two months of marriage. He went to his psychologist, and he was referred to a community of like-minded people.

Ben and Zara at the TikTok awards. Picture: Instagram/@ben.and.zara

Mr Tate said he loved a beer, and he grew up surrounded by older men who said the phrase “never trust a man who didn’t drink”.

He said he used drinking as a way to socialise and relate to the people around him, and a crutch for his emotions.

He said when Zara was born, he was nine months sober. He said early recovery was tough as his identity was wrapped up in being a party boy, and he relapsed when his daughter was born because he found it hard to let go of that.

But, when he came home and looked at his daughter he realised he was done and threw himself into his recovery.

That was the start of his journey, saying it’s taken a village in order to get to where he was — and that he couldn’t have done it without their continued support. Now, he is sharing his story in order to continue the support and community that he has experienced.

If you need support, call Alcohol and Drug Foundation on 1800 250 015

Originally published as Awkward phone call after 45yo’s wedding