Bianca Warner’s joy on first Mother’s Day after cousin delivers her child

Bianca Warner was 19 when she learned she’d never get to experience the joy of pregnancy. Fast-forward a decade on, her cousin did it for her. Today she celebrates her first Mother’s Day.

Surrogate mother, Anna with her cousin Bianca and her baby Vienna and in Light Square, Adelaide CBD. Picture: Ben Clark

Bianca Warner was just a teenager when she was told the shocking news that she would never be able to carry her own child as she’d been born without a uterus.

“I couldn’t grasp it … you have all these ideas of what life will be like when you grow up – you’re going to buy a house, you’re going to get married and have a family,” she said.

“Then to be told at 19, ‘you can’t have kids’, in that moment I thought there was just no point … you start thinking, no one’s going to want me because I can’t have kids.”

It was a lonely diagnosis she rarely shared over the next decade.

Bianca, baby Vienna and surrogate mother Anna. Picture: Ben Clark

“I didn’t know how to put it into words at the time and didn’t really talk about my infertility at all in my twenties ... (but) I would be so annoyed when I would hear things on the news about people neglecting their kids,” she said.

Her desire to be a mum didn’t wane and she and her long-term partner of the time started to investigate “the possibility of surrogacy” – a role ultimately taken up by her loving cousin, mum-of-two Anna Hamer.

Young cousins Bianca Warner and Anna Warner. Picture: supplied

“One day Anna (who was living in Darwin) called me to say she was moving back to South Australia and would be our surrogate … I said, ‘are you joking me?’,” Ms Warner said.

“There were so many tears – when I told my partner, he started crying too. It was just crazy.”

It would be almost three years later when little Vienna, now six months old, arrived.

“There was counselling as well as medical and legal requirements to get through before we could even move to the transfer stage,” Ms Warner, now 33, said.

“We did two rounds of IVF, each costing between $12,000 and $13,000 – IVF for surrogacy doesn’t attract a Medicare rebate – and ended up with five eggs; it then took three attempts for the transfer to be successful.

“I thought I might find it hard watching Anna’s belly get bigger but I just didn’t … it probably helped that I had 10 years getting used to the fact I can’t carry a baby myself,” she said.

“But there were tears along the way.

“Anna would share ‘bumpies’ – pictures of her growing belly – with me each week and also ‘baby kicks’ … the first time I felt a kick I started crying – it was a really emotional moment.

“So yes, I was sad I didn’t get to experience being pregnant but at the end of the day, she is my daughter and I get to experience the rest of my life with her.”

Anna Hamer was a surrogate for her cousin and shared weekly images of her growing belly. Picture: supplied

Anna Hamer shared weekly “bumpies” - images of her growing belly. Picture: supplied

Vienna was born after a labour that lasted less than two hours.

“She was just really cute, I can’t really put it into words … you know, you’re holding her and you’re just scared, but you’re not scared, you’re excited and you are thinking ‘am I really here, is this really happening?’,” she said, her voice breaking with emotion.

“It was overwhelming.”

Ms Warner, who is now separated from Vienna’s dad, said motherhood had exceeded her wildest dreams.

“The newborn stage, the first three months, were the most intense but after that she’s honestly been a perfect baby … it just feels so natural,” she said.

“She is just the most happy, smiley and calm baby … she really is just perfect and I can’t fault her.”

Bianca Warner holds her newborn daughter, Vienna. Picture: supplied

Proud mum Bianca Warner with baby Vienna, who is six months old. Picture: Ben Clark

Ms Warner said “Aunty Anna” would forever hold a special place in hers and Vienna’s hearts.

“I want Vienna to know exactly where she came from … Anna, and her boys, will away be a part of our immediate family – I’m going to keep them close,” she said.

Ms Hamer, a former police officer who now works as an investigator with a government agency, said the decision to be a surrogate “was easy”.

“Bianca is an absolutely beautiful person and so deserving of a family … where would I be if I couldn’t have children?,” she said.

“It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced and even though (Vienna’s) not my daughter, I have a bond with her that is not like anything else.

“She has become one of the most important things in my life ... we will forever be tied.”

Originally published as Bianca Warner’s joy on first Mother’s Day after cousin delivers her child