Meghan’s Netflix show fails to make top 350

The streamer has released viewing numbers and the ratings for the Duchess of Sussex’s lifestyle series are finally in.

It’s not often a spreadsheet makes news but today’s story comes to you live from the depths of thousands of line items.

Every six months Netflix executives take a break from brainstorming ideas like a Squid Game/Stranger Things crossover set in space and lets the world take a look under the hood by releasing their streaming figures.

In the first half of this year, the Emmy-nominated Adolescence was the most watched TV show on the platform, hoovering up 145 million hours of viewing.

Meanwhile, Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex’s lifestyle-tainment show which saw her instruct audiences in the finer art of decanting pretzels from one plastic bag into another didn’t manage to make it into the top 350.

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According to Netflix’s latest “What We Watched” report, With Love, Meghan was the 383rd most watched show, registering 5.3 million views, beaten by the first four seasons of Suits and Gossip Girl season one (number 376).

Who knew that Blair Waldorf could better a real life duchess?

With Love’s flatter-than-a-deflated-souffle-numbers have left the Hollywood entertainment bible Deadline scratching their heads, given that the world is in for a second serve.

They reported that the show’s ranking “is very low for a Netflix original — and pretty unprecedented for a show that has been renewed.”

Meghan Markle’s Netflix series did not rank well. Picture: Netflix

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(‘Atypically,’ they noted, With Love’s seasons one and two were filmed back-to-back.)

Today, more than three months on since With Love posed the important question to audiences, “but have you ever thought about fiddling about and colour-co-ordinating a fruit plates?”

No date has been set for Meghan’s sophomore series. But there is one clear date on the horizon: September 2.

That day will mark five years since Meghan and her husband Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex announced their “megawatt” five year Netflix deal.

Back then, in 2020, this seemed like an all round jolly good bet, with the world pressed-up- against-the-glass and glued to the unfolding saga of the self-exiled couple.

They had done the unthinkable - turned down the chance to spend their lives in a group chat with Princess Anne sending horse gifs, doing charity all the charity work they fancied and never having to pay a gas bill.

She also has her As Ever product range. Picture: Instagram

When they announced the deal, it seemed a given that the streamer’s subscribers would eagerly gobble up whatever they made.

It all seemed pretty win-win: The duke and duchess would make content that “that informs but also gives hope” and “impactful content that unlocks action” and Netflix could piggyback on the global Sussex obsession.

Five years on the proof is in the cold, stodgy pudding. The only “action” they have ‘unlocked’ is Meghan having given an unexpected boost to the flower sprinkle industry and them managing to further estrange the royal family and to set a lot of Brits’ teeth further on edge.

Meanwhile, Netflix has extracted the only thing of real value the Sussexes possessed -the sorry, sad tale of their tortured royal lives.

The outlier in their Netflix tale has been their six-parter, Harry & Meghan, all those hours of raw emotions, soft lighting and one infamous curtsy making for compelling viewing, translating into Netflix’s biggest documentary debut ever, which has now been watched for more than 177.85 million hours in total. Huzzah and all that.

Meghan said the show was about “connecting with new friends”. Picture: Netflix

However, move beyond that and we have two egregiously flaccid duds, Harry’s solo Heart of Invictus and Polo proving that he’s about as good at making TV as his uncle Andrew is at giving interviews, and With Love’s limp showing.

Heart of Invictus only got 300,000 views after its release. Since then it has not made the top 6,800 shows.

Polo, a boring offering of on field testosterone, horsey braggadocio and capped toothed-men rabbiting on about winning only got 600,000 views, putting it at 2,946th spot.

In the six months of this year, it has added 500,000 views and currently sits at 3,436.

In return for all this output and their credibility, the Sussexes have reportedly only made tens of millions, far from the much touted figure of $USD100 ($153) million.

Over the weekend, “a source with knowledge of the Netflix deal” told the Daily Mail that the Sussexes “probably managed to maybe keep $10million-$15million [$15.3-$23 million] or a touch more purely for themselves over the nearly five years so far.”

The Netflix ratings are out and it does not look good for Meghan. Picture: Patrick T. FALLON / AFP

How long can or will that sum last, with the same Mail report saying they need to bank $6 million a year after tax to pay for their living expenses?

The good news for the duke and duchess is that Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos is said to be a huge fan of Meghan’s and that With Love will be renewed for a third go. According to the Mail, “It’s probable that they’ll pay Meghan between $3-$5million [$4.6- $7.6 million] a year for it.”

Or in other words, the duchess would make just about enough to keep the lights on and their bank manager sweet.

With Spotify having parted ways with the Sussexes back in 2023, the duke failing to have gotten a single podcast series off the ground, and both The Hollywood Reporter and Vanity Fair having published exposes about their allegedly poor treatment of staff, the couple’s Hollywood fortunes are in the doldrums territory.

Meghan with her daughter Lilibet in the garden. Picture: Instagram

The Duchess of Sussex might keep cranking out With Love and dispensing invaluable advice about how to put ice in drinks but beyond that their entertainment careers appear to be largely kaput.

Should push ever come to shove, the latest Netflix spreadsheet makes one thing clear: the appetite for royal melodrama is as healthy as ever. Season one The Royals, a long since canned series in which Liz Hurley is the Queen and heads up a fictional British royal family, has been viewed 14.3 million times for a total of more than 85 million hours. As the saying goes, there’s money in muck - and monarchy.

Daniela Elser is a writer, editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with a number of Australia’s leading media titles.

Originally published as Meghan’s Netflix show fails to make top 350