Meghan, Harry star in the worst royal scandal since the last one

Apparently trading state secrets to the Nazis and allegations of pedophilia are small beans compared to walking away from the Windsors. Picture: AFP

The Windsors and I have an understanding. I won’t write about them if they stick to opening garden shows and swanning around at the polo. They blinked first and well, here we are.

The Windsors are a family known self-referentially as ‘The Firm’ as if the Kray brothers have just wheeled a fruit machine into Buck Palace and are now demanding the ‘vig’ and Charlie Richardson could pop over at any moment and nail a troublemaker to the floor.

Welcome to a family where first names are always enough. There’s Harry and Meghan, Charles and Camilla, Will and Kate, Edward and Sophie, and Andy who no one is talking about until it all blows over. There’s the Queen, of course, the much put upon matriarch desperately trying to keep the family together, and her husband, Phil, both now in their 90s.

It’s more than coincidence that Meghan and Harry were interviewed by a woman whose own surname has become superfluous. Oprah, too, by sheer weight of celebrity rather than regal birthright has made it to the rarefied air of Bono, Elvis and Cher.

The first name basis interview offered some startling insights, most of which were either richly embellished or untrue. The real headline grabber though was a claim of racism, where apparently one unnamed member of the firm had told Meghan and Harry that a pantone colour chart would be run over their son, Archie and if he was a shade or two darker than iced coffee there could be a problem.

That didn’t come from Phil nor the Queen, we were assured by Harry.

That and several thousand other grievances were aired by Meghan and Harry over the two hour interview which if you’d bothered to watch it, seemed to punch a huge hole in the space-time continuum. I glanced at the clock on several occasions, and I swear it had gone backwards.

Who’d have thought the gripes and petty resentments of people born or married into a life of overwhelming wealth and privilege could be so boring?

The media, especially in the United Kingdom, who are known to be entranced by shiny things, predictably went OTT.

Of the first 32 stories in the Daily Mail, 31 were devoted to the story, the sole remaining article related to a Brit television presenter of little note or relevance as if inserted at the request of a graphic designer so readers might have an opportunity to take a breath.

It was by media consensus the gravest crisis the monarchy had faced in 85 years, presumably referring to the abdication of Edward VIII in 1936.

On the eve of the interview, the Telegraph took the allusion a step further, promoting the 20th Century abdicant and his American wife as possessing the same attributes as Labradors, easily confused perhaps, but loveable and, you know, loyal.

“The saddest thing is that Wallis and Edward,” the Telegraph editorialised, “despite being banished, were dutiful and patriotic to the end...Meghan and Harry, who took it upon themselves to leave Britain, seem unlikely to display similar loyalty to the Crown on Oprah tonight.”

Wait… what? Wallis and Edward were hosted by Hitler in Berchtesgaden in 1937 where it is written Edward went full Nazi banging out the old seig heils to anyone who entered the room, human, dog, cat, anyone.

In February 1940, the German ambassador in The Hague, Count Julius von Zech-Burkersroda, claimed Edward had leaked Allied plans for the defence of Belgium.

Edward and Wallis fled France and were holed up in Portugal, a non-aligned country throughout World War II that had become a hotbed of espionage. Edward, who was a commissioned officer in the British Army, holding the rank of Major-General, declined to return to the Old Dart for military service until Winston Churchill threatened to court martial him.

But apparently trading state secrets to the Nazis is small beans compared to walking away from the Windsors, the titles and the wealth and going on the telly to complain about them.

While we’re at it, how is Harry and Meghan’s voluntary fall from the good graces of the House of Windsor the biggest royal scandal in 85 years? It is merely the greatest scandal since the last one.

And the last one, I would argue, was a purler. Allegations of paedophilia made against Andrew who maintained he was innocent, sweating through a Zeppelin crash of an interview while claiming he did not perspire.

The last we heard about that was the Palace issuing a statement that Andrew would co-operate with any investigation. That was 15 months ago. The FBI who were and still are conducting one, haven’t heard a peep from him.

Knocking around with a convicted paedophile with claims Andrew himself had engaged in the sinister sex slavery services of Jeffrey Epstein apparently plays second gorilla to an Oprah interview.

But that’s the media for you. One minute, they’re with you, the next they’re all over you like a bad dose of scabies.

The royal family on the balcony of Buckingham Palace in 2019. Picture: AFP

The last royal, albeit by marriage, to flee the confines of the House of Windsor was Lady Diana Spencer, ex-wife of the heir to the throne, Charles. The media were set to rip her apart for her disloyalty and vile headlines were being contrived about her latest dalliance with Dodi Fayed.

Buckets of muck were being prepared until … well, we all know what happened next.

The sudden death of Diana, Fayed and Henri Paul on the Pont de l’Alma in Paris on August 31, 1997 forced the media to do a swift 180. This led to embarrassing scenes from magazine publishers who had to suddenly pull their publications, rich in shrieking denunciation and soft porn obloquy, from the shelves.

It also led to a statement from the US scandal sheet, the National Enquirer, which may be the greatest example of an editorial snafu in recorded history.

“We apologise for the Princes Diana page one headline Di Goes Sex Mad, which is still on the stands in some locations. It is currently being replaced by a special 72-page tribute issue: A FAREWELL TO THE PRINCESS WE ALL LOVED.”

And that, too, was the gravest crisis the British monarchy had faced since the last one.