With its glitzy museums and tiki bars, there’s more to Vegas than losing money
Take away the gambling, the mega-casinos, the strip, and what do you have left? You’ll be surprised by the thriving cultural life of this iconic desert destination.
I’m going to Vegas and I do not gamble, and you would be forgiven for thinking: OK, so why go to Vegas? Fair question.
My brief, as I understood it, was to be surprised by what visitors can do that doesn’t involve pink chips and roulette. I was intrigued, because Vegas in my imagination was basically Sharon Stone as a backcombed mobster moll, and Little White Chapel weddings with Elvis doing the honours, but it’s a whole lot more than that.
But first we had to get there. Like maniacs having a mid-life crisis, we opted to ride a pulsing hog – that’s a Harley-Davidson – across Route 66 and the Mojave Desert over three blistering days, which was a little reckless, given it was the height of summer and the temperature hit 47C at times. Caution: if you too choose to do this, and break down, all you’re going to find by the roadside is a three-armed cactus, and maybe a coyote.
We didn’t break down.
Did we in the process use up our luck? Maybe. But more on that later.
Our first stop in Vegas was the Circa Resort & Casino, which is “downtown” as opposed to “on the strip” (the strip has the mini Eiffel tower, and all that jazz; downtown is quieter). We parked at the wittily named “Garage Mahal” – that’s your first sign that Vegas
wants you to have a good time – and set out for the El Cortez (it’s the oldest casino in Vegas, still with the original sign; they have steaks and shrimp, and you can sit in maroon leather booths).
From there we made our way to The Golden Tiki, which is a tiki bar. Now, I didn’t know what a tiki bar was before I got there, mainly because I never know what the latest thing is, and it’s the latest thing: a bar inspired by the experiences of American servicemen in the South Pacific during the Second World War. If you’re thinking, “So, it’s like Elvis in Blue Hawaii” – yes, it’s exactly like that. The Golden Tiki leans hard, and hilariously, into the kitsch: they have a thousand little curios for you to admire while you await the arrival of your quirky waiter, among them foul-mouthed parrots squawking out all manner of funny lines. Prudes should not enter the bathrooms; everyone else will love the wallpaper. The Golden Tiki also has a tiki god carving with a giant penis, and you’ll be invited to give it a rub for good luck, which you absolutely should do.
We ended up staying well past our bedtime but there’s no rest for even the wickedly hung-over in Vegas. The next day was by chance the 4th of July – happy birthday, America! – and the Circa was celebrating in the traditional way, with a hot-dog eating competition. Six girls in stars-and-stripes bikinis got up on the stage and began wolfing down small sausages known as “weenies” while the boys cheered, and bopped along to doof-doof, and drank foot-long frozen pina coladas.
Before long, I needed a nap.
Later that night, we went to Esther’s Kitchen. Let me tell you the story of Esther’s Kitchen. You won’t find a nicer story in all of Vegas. The chef, James Trees, was born and raised in Vegas. He went to Las Vegas High School, where he dreamed of becoming a chef. His family had no money but his great-aunt managed to find enough to send him to cooking school. He’s since become a huge success, and now when you walk in the door, you may well feel like you’re at their place.
James makes the sourdough and the pasta from scratch. We had the wagyu carne crudo, and the rigatoni carbonara, the charred eggplant tortellini and the tiramisu pavlova, all of which were delicious, but really, it was the thrill of finding so cosy and homey a place in Vegas that won me over.
After dinner we went to the Neon Museum, which is a “graveyard” of old neon signs from now-closed casinos. The owners are committed to saving these signs from landfill, and you can wander through while they blink on and off; the staff also tell fascinating stories of fortunes lost by those who rolled the dice, as it were, on a casino operation.
The next day, we went to the Mob Museum. I’ll be honest and say I expected to be there about an hour. We stayed three. You will learn all about rackets (any kind of criminal activity, including the sale of alcohol during prohibition, was a racket; anyone involved in such activity is a racketeer). You’ll also learn about the divorce industry for which Vegas is famous. For example: did you know that a young Norma Jean Dougherty spent six weeks in Las Vegas in 1946, specifically to establish residency to file for divorce from her then-husband, Jim Dougherty? He had married her when she was just 16 and facing another round of foster care. She changed her name after the divorce to Marilyn Monroe.
That evening we secured tickets for the “couples friendly” X Country show, which turned out to be bare-breasted cowgirls with leather chaps over their G-strings, so no, this ain’t Texas. From there, we joined the crowd for a free show at the piano bar at Harrah’s, where the pianists belt out favourites while the crowd sings along. There was a hen’s party underway, and the bride-to-be (identifiable by the scrap of tulle on her head) got up to sing a very saucy version of Going To The Chapel. Of course the pianist shouted, “Does anyone have any advice for the bride?” And you’ll know what they said, “Don’t do it!” At which point, the bride (literally) fell over with champagne and laughter. Gee it was fun.
On our final day, we visited an art installation called the Meow Wolf Omega Mart, which is … well, how would you describe it? On one hand, it’s like walking into a surreal kind of supermarket, selling weird stuff like bright blue steaks, but it’s also art, meaning you can open “secret” doors and disappear down long corridors, and you’re meant to find clues as to what it all means. I didn’t get any of it, but the kids in the room seemed to be having an absolute ball and that’s what matters.
Later, we visited The Composers Room for drinks and dinner. By chance, we were there at the same time as the owner’s young son and his gorgeous fiancée were celebrating their engagement. Apparently he’d been in love with her since kindergarten, and could hardly believe his luck when she finally said yes. They invited us to celebrate with them, by sharing the “he popped the question” popcorn, and we watched a terrific Motown-style show: a trio called These Guys Worldwide singing The Temptations, the Black Eyed Peas and Earth, Wind & Fire.
Then it was back to the Circa, and since it was to be our last night in Vegas, and since it would have been a hassle to have to change the $US60 in cash we still had in our pockets, we decided to put it all on black. And promptly lost the lot (what goes to Vegas stays in Vegas, except of course your happy, slightly hazy memories, which are yours to keep).
Checklist
Note: You will need a valid physical ID for entry into your hotel, and bars, and the pools.
Eat: The Golden Tiki (thegoldentiki.com) for new-fangled drinks and fun; Ester’s Kitchen (estherslv.com) for heartwarming home cooking; the Composers Room (thecomposersroom.com) for drinks and a show.