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Vanilla sex can be some of the best of your life
“Vanilla sex” is, of course, the catchall phrase for garden variety, mainstream sex.
The kind that’s free of the bells, whistles, and whips of kink.
Video: YouTube | Alysa
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but it’s neither sexy nor subversive. And when you're young and self-conscious, entertaining the idea that your interests might be "boring" is frightening stuff.
When we hear “vanilla” we imagine an ordinary, monogamous, heterosexual couple having lights-off, missionary sex.
Georgia Grace,Sex educator
“It's really exciting to be in a time of sex positivity, a sexual revolution, we're speaking about pleasure and orgasms and exploration, I think now en masse more than ever before.”
According to sex and sexuality historian Hallie Lieberman, it was likely coined during the kink movement of the 1970s, to indicate the “norm” from which the kink community deviated.
So where did the term 'vanilla' come from?
Somewhere down the line, this once non-judgemental phrase transformed into “a bullying of women who admit they want regular sex," writes author Nikki Gemmel. The type that doesn’t include violence or hurting kinks.
#Kinktok
On #Kinktok, the TikTok hashtag where the kink community share their sex stories, there’s a growing sentiment from users that rejects ‘normal’ sex.
And a permeating idea that non-violent sex equals boring sex.
Video: TikTok | yallbewildinaf
In a 2019 study, 'Feeling Scared During Sex' ...
The bad side...
 13% of sexually active girls aged 14-16 reporting being choked non-consensually.
23 of 347 respondents reported feeling fear in the bedroom after being unexpectedly choked out by their partner.
There is nothing wrong with kink
It can be a healthy and a fabulous part of sex, provided there is discussion around it. Kink requires consent and a continual, verbal renegotiation of boundaries and preferences. Most of the time, porn fails to portray this necessary communication.
If you’re not interested in kinky sex, that’s cool too. As for the vanilla slander?
“Like the ice cream flavour, you can add more to it,” says Grace.
WORDS: Geordie Gray & Sophia MorrisonPRODUCER: Bianca Mastroianni
																															

Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/web-stories/free/the-australian/vanilla-sex-can-be-some-of-the-best-of-your-life