The technicolour safari camp
Set in South Africa’s Greater Kruger, in Big Five terrain, Waterside Lodge redefines the traditional safari with high-voltage colour, exceptional food and intuitive guides.
With veteran guide Nik Vounnou in the driver’s seat, the epic wilderness of Thornybush Nature Reserve becomes a charted land where every creature’s whereabouts is known. Rhinos pop up all over the place, defying their reputation for elusiveness. Giraffes graze in Arcadian scenery. There are innumerable antelopes, hundreds of birds, a dazzle of sun-dappled zebras. I gatecrash a spotted hyena feasting on a wildebeest skull. Can almost touch a sleek male leopard as he saunters by our open-topped Land Cruiser to an acacia where he’s stashed an impala kill. For a few tantalising minutes it seems he might even climb the tree for a snack.
Elephants galore. And so many lions I lose count. A wake of vultures hunched in a tree leads us to three big cats sleeping off a feast. I witness a fretting mother call for and eventually locate her two cubs, a raw performance with all the emotion of a soap opera. One unforgettable afternoon I sit transfixed in the vehicle surrounded by eight lions – six females and two males – all tinted gold in the fading light. Most creatures here have grown up with vehicles and human voices, so they’re supremely unbothered by our presence. I may as well be a tree for all the attention they give me. “This whole area is just littered with lions,” Vounnou says.
In the space of a few days at Waterside lodge in South Africa’s northern Limpopo province, part of the Greater Kruger National Park, he arranges audiences with every animal I could wish to see on an African safari. But it’s the final afternoon, when Vounnou spots a lilac-breasted roller high above us munching a worm-sized thread snake, Africa’s smallest serpent, that I realise this man is a true sage of the savannah. An executive producer – ably assisted by his equally sharp-eyed tracker Eric Ngomane – to the Greatest Show on Earth. Their crack game-viewing duet would be more than enough reason to book a stay at Waterside, the latest addition to The Royal Portfolio’s South African hotel collection, which also includes Malewane Lodge, Farmstead and the recently revamped Africa House. But this 24-person lodge, opened in 2022, has so much more to recommend it.
The Royal Portfolio founders Liz and Phil Biden bought the nearly 30-year-old property to add its 2000 hectares of land to the 13,000-hectare Greater Kruger, then reconfigured it to their exacting, exuberant standards. Regular guest Sir Elton John has described The Royal Portfolio properties as “some of the most exquisite boutique hotels on the planet”. It’s hard to disagree with him from the vantage point of my Waterside suite (number two) and its carnival of candy-pink colours, bold African portraits and canopied bed under a high thatched roof. Home comforts include a fireplace, a well-stocked maxi-bar and library and, on the deck, a heated pool and swing seat above a dry riverbed where elephants, kudu and even lions pass by. Unbridled luxury in unpredictable surrounds.
“In Africa, you can mix anything,” Liz says of her bush-Baroque style. “In every room I always try and do something old, something new and something fun.” Besides the lodge accommodation – comprising six suites, the two-bedroom Baobab Suite and four-bedroom Waterside House with its own staff – there’s a chic new green- and white-tiled lap pool with trampoline hammocks suspended over the waterhole, home to hippos and the occasional elephant. Just yesterday, staff saw an impala paddling frantically across it with wild dogs in pursuit.
There’s a yoga studio and impressively equipped gym. A games room for youngsters with pool table, foosball, videos, arcade game, ride-on stuffed zebras and a pizza oven. A well-stocked wine cellar of notable South African vintages. And a three-room spa with gold-tiled hammam offering elaborate facials alongside wraps and deep-tissue Royal Thaba massages using herders’ sticks known as knobkerries.
All public areas are meticulously detailed, from the alfresco bar that acts as de facto social hub (breakfast, pre-safari musters, coffees, cocktails) to a waterfront lounge of hanging wicker seats, hot-pink armchairs, viridian-green walls and hand-drawn prints of indigenous insects in display cases. Arresting African and Asian art adorns every wall.
The gorgeous décor would be a hollow gesture without the right staff to give it life. There are 111 at Waterside (for two dozen guests) and everyone from star barman Wonder Mlambo to sassy waitress Kayleigh Meyer, suave general manager Jon Morgan and Steve “I Bring the Party!” Shabangu are a delight to meet. There’s no smothering service or unwanted attentions. Just really cool people I look forward to seeing each day. Arguably the most important staff member is the always cheerful head chef Cheslin Cornelissen – meal quality is critical on holiday. Out here in the hinterland there’s no option but to eat at Waterside; Cornelissen, plucked from the kitchens of the Bidens’ smart Cape Town hotel The Silo, ensures there are no dining disappointments.
From my first lunch surveying hippos in the filigreed shade of fever trees while snacking on springbok carpaccio to sundowners with truffle-gin cocktails and DIY tacos, a wine-matched tasting menu of Mzansi-inspired plates, such as spiced tomato soup with deep-fried vetkoek bread, to tarte Tatin with “tennis biscuit” (coconut cookie) ice-cream, the fare is top-notch. “The quality here has to be extraordinary,” says Morgan. “At this level most people… are used to eating in the top restaurants of the world. It’s always got to be the best.” Individual menus are printed three times daily, so mealtimes feel special and personal.
The sad reality of Kruger and most African game parks is that poachers and conservationists are pitched in constant battle. Lodge guests can venture to the front line to see the K9 (canine) anti-poaching unit where head of security Darrel Camden-Smith demonstrates how extraordinarily well-trained his troop of Belgian Malinois, Dutch shepherds and Doberman-bloodhound cross hounds are to track humans and sniff out smuggled pangolin scale, rhino horn, ivory and ammunition. The unit’s human troops have night-vision goggles and AI systems to track vehicles and game; the canines have bulletproof vests and infrared patches monitored from choppers.
It sounds extreme but, as Camden-Smith says, “We’re fighting guys who have no rules, no scruples.” The K9 unit is funded in part by guest donations and The Royal Portfolio, whose philanthropy supports village crèches and primary schools and ongoing research into threatened species, including wild dogs, ground hornbills and leopards. A flash new Conservation and Research Centre gives guests the chance to mingle with researchers over breakfast and/or Mimosas.
The Bidens also sponsor two-year apprenticeships in which trainee trackers and rangers live on site. “They get thrown into arguably the best guiding team in Africa,” explains Vounnou. “If you take our team and look at their qualifications (two of the world’s seven master trackers, more than 300 years of cumulative African bush experience), I don’t think anyone comes close to that.”
All things considered – its opulence and amenities, service and cuisine – this is Waterside’s most compelling attraction. In the war of wildlife attrition raging across southern Africa, The Royal Portfolio’s dedication to conservation trumps everything else it offers. A stay here is, ultimately, all about the animals.
The fine print
From Johannesburg or Cape Town guests fly to Hoedspruit with CemAir (flycemair.co.za) and are transferred by road (at extra cost) to Waterside Lodge. Suites start at 47,500 rand (about $3,900) per person a night and include all meals, most drinks, game drives, laundry, minibars, daily conservation levy and transfers from Jackalberry airstrip (for charter flights).
The writer visited Waterside Lodge as a guest of The Royal Portfolio; theroyalportfolio.com