The art of sleeping, home or away
In the COVID age we are all eyes wide open at 3am, stressed about a host of pandemic-related matters.
Find a comfy spot for a lie-down, breathe deeply and drift back to a time when sleep was a commodity in abundant supply. Whether you were at home in your own bed or in a hotel, getting a solid eight hours was a simple matter of closing your eyes.
Now, fast forward to the COVID age and we are all eyes wide open at 3am, stressed about a host of pandemic-related matters, many far more serious than our inability to visit Bali. On the travel front, I have found myself fretting about sold-out regional holiday accommodation, contemplating a caravan purchase, mentally mapping out road trips, and wondering if I’ll ever again watch from 30,000ft as the far north coast of Australia slips beneath me en route to Europe.
Insomnia has been my travel companion for decades. And like all modern children, I blame my parents. They would rouse me and my brothers at a dark, ungodly hour, force-feed us a cooked breakfast before squeezing us into the car for 12-hour driving marathons. The result of this cruel childhood trauma is that on the day of my departure to any destination I’ll be awake for hours well before dawn. At least I can skip the scrambled eggs.
Hotel beds may look inviting, adorned with cushions and artfully tossed throws and with a tempting pillow menu to soothe knotted necks. It’s all to no avail. The first hurdle is those electronic blackout blinds. In my experience, flicking the switch will simultaneously close one and open the other and never the twain shall meet.
Once I have worked out how to dim the lights and slipped between the sheets, slumber proves elusive. It won’t help that the aircon refuses to budge from 24C and the quilt feels like it was imported from Alaska. Melatonin barely dents my insomnia’s armour but reciting my 14-times table silently backwards and forwards sometimes does the trick.
COVID has only increased the ranks of the eternally tired, so perhaps it’s no surprise the luxurious new Amangiri resort in the Utah desert is hosting a restorative sleep retreat in December. Let’s face it, who in the US would be getting a good night’s kip in the current climate? Retreat organisers are taking a “science-based approach” to the issue (I can think of at least one world leader who could learn something from these people). Guests receive a “genetically determined” sleep schedule, dine on snooze-friendly foods, do yoga, take therapeutic cold-water plunges and find out how to enjoy caffeine and alcohol without adverse affects. After four days they will know all the secrets to getting a restful night. Sounds like the stuff of dreams.