Pure waste of money

YOUR Departure Lounge is rather fond of the Emmy-nominated television series Flight of the Conchords, starring Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie as the hapless members of New Zealand's "fourth most popular folk-comedy duo" as they try to make it big in New York.

Illustration: Tom Jellett

YOUR Departure Lounge is rather fond of the Emmy-nominated television series Flight of the Conchords, starring Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie as the hapless members of New Zealand's "fourth most popular folk-comedy duo" as they try to make it big in New York.

Aside from the funny antics of this pair as they attempt to pick up gigs (and girls) and avoid their stalker fan Mel (Kristen Schaal), the best scenes are at the New Zealand embassy in a seedy precinct of New York, squeezed between escort agencies and waste management contractors. Their energetic but ineffective manager is the legation's deputy cultural attache Murray Hewitt (Rhys Darby), he of the abundant "electric copper" hair and love of meeting minutes-taking.

In Hewitt's office, the travel posters frequently change but there's no sign of the evocative images from the (real) mega-successful 100% Pure New Zealand campaign. Instead, the posters show the most boring pictures imaginable ("New Zealand. Take Your Gran"), bare mountainous slopes ("New Zealand Rocks") and corny cliched images ("New Zealand. It's not Australia").

Of course this is done for comic effect, as the show is a not-so-gentle spoof about all things kiwi. Lounge (September 5-6) has been pondering the effectiveness of tourism slogans and the federal government's plans to spend $20 million over four years on a brand campaign to promote Australia's investment potential and tourism drawcards. There's been a deluge of response to Lounge's remarks and not all the suggestions can be repeated. Most readers feel such money would be better spent on other feel-good initiatives (health and education, for starters) and not on the services of pony-tailed poseurs with business cards that say consultant.

The federal government can have Lounge's slogan suggestion -- "Australia. All natural" -- for free, provided the fees for focus groups and fact-finding missions are put into hospital beds and indigenous welfare. Otherwise, given the ever-competitive nature of trans-Tasman tourism, how about "Australia. It's not New Zealand."

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ASIDE from the present fetish for slogans, state tourism bureaus have been stepping up their promotional TV advertising. Most controversially, the so-called sunshine state has gone for a "Hey, hey, this is Queensland" series of four ads to the music of The Monkees and to the tune of $5m. It's all quite fun and fresh but Lounge doesn't understand why music from an Australian band, rather than an anodyne 1960s group, couldn't have been used. Target audiences for the ads are backpackers and generation Y travellers, none of whom was born when Davy Jones and co hit the world stage.

Tourism Victoria has gone regional in its approach, focusing on the mineral springs, food and wine of pretty Daylesford, with some suggestive berry-licking by starlet Isabel Lucas and a soundtrack of Down to the River to Pray, sung by Paris Wells. Both women are Australian, at least, although the latter has a given name that must have resonated with the Tourism Victoria bods, who like a bit of a brush with Paris when they can get it and have been guilty in the past of serving us carefully edited ads that make Melbourne look like Montmartre.

Let's hope it's the last time we'll see something as daft as the 2006 "Lose yourself in Melbourne" campaign with that enormous rolling ball of red wool that seemed to be aimed at attracting a generation of frisky kittens to play in the streets. Those Melbourne ads focused on the city's European flavour, too, using the majestic Hotel Windsor, the laneways, colonnades and grand facades of the so-called Paris end of the city. All of which makes Lounge cringe as she considers whether the beret-clad creatives at the French Tourist Office sit about wondering how to come up with campaigns that make the Seine look like the Yarra.

There will never be another tourism campaign as successful as Paul Hogan's 80s shrimp-on-barbie extravaganza. Its timing was impeccable, the Americans (in particular) didn't have a clue what was on offer down under, and Hoges had larrikin charm in spades. Let's face it, we have grown up since then and our face to the world needs to be more sophisticated. That's why the "Where the Bloody Hell are You" campaign missed the mark so badly. Short of a miracle, we are, one could say, stuck between a croc hunter and a hard place.

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EVEN with the Australian dollar faring very well against the British pound, we all love a good London bargain. New to the accommodation scene is Ivy Lettings, a boutique, family-run leasing service designed for stays from a few days to a month or longer. The range covers self-catering digs from studio flats to four-bedroom houses and most configurations between, all within about 20 minutes of the capital's main tourist attractions. A gorgeous-looking studio in a 1750s Soho building, for example, has original hardwood floors, antique furniture and fittings, stainless steel-finished kitchenette and a cast-iron clawfoot bathtub. Sleeps two; from pound stg. 650 ($1220) a week. The cost compares well with conventional hotel rates and Ivy Lettings can also arrange competitively priced airport transfers with Green Tomato Cars, rent mobile phones so guests can avoid expensive roaming charges, grocery shop, arrange babysitting and more. www.ivylettings.com.  

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A FEW seats are still available on the landmark chartered Qantas Airbus A380 flight from Sydney and Melbourne to Antarctica on New Year's Eve and a second A380 flight has been scheduled for January 24 from Sydney plus a Boeing 747-400 flight from Melbourne on February 14, which just happens to be Valentine's Day (Lounge presumes ice queens need not apply). From $999 for economy-class centre seats to $6299 for first class. There are eight seating classes available on the Airbus A380 flights and seven on the Boeing 747. Mr Lounge did an Antarctica flightseeing jaunt several Decembers ago and all but trotted out our front door in woolly hat and mittens, muttering that he might be gone for some time. The polar-explorer look is hardly necessary but he was surprised how many passengers had gone the full Shackleton and dressed for the occasion, penguin suits included. More: 1800 633 449; www.antarcticaflights.com.au.  

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IF you are Paris-bound next year and keen for an eyeful of the works of leading impressionists and post-impressionists, you may need to detour via the US west coast. The Musee d'Orsay, housed in the historic former Gare d'Orsay railway station and home to the city's premier collection of Monets, Manets, Cezannes, Renoirs and the like, will be partially closed for refurbishment and reinstallation in anticipation of its 25th anniversary in 2011. Many of its best-known works are moving to the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco for two exhibitions. Birth of Impressionism: Masterpieces from the Musee d'Orsay, runs from May 22 to September 6, 2010; Van Gogh, Gauguin, Cezanne and Beyond: Post-Impressionist Masterpieces from the Musee d'Orsay, runs from September 25, 2010 to January 18, 2011. www.famsf.org.  

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CALL it premium economy or executive lite, more and more airlines are introducing a buffer class that's a notch above what the Americans delight in calling coach and the rarefied domain of business class. Latest off the blocks is KLM Royal Dutch Airlines with a name that delivers much promise: Economy Comfort. Whether or not that's mere tautology will soon be put to the test by the airline's international and intercontinental passengers. Seating in this zone offers about 10cm more legroom and back supports that recline twice as far as standard economy-class seating. Available from the end of November; www.klm.com.  

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