In praise of the office suck-up

People-pleasers can teach us a lot about promoting our contributions and interacting with the boss. 

People-pleasers can teach us a lot about promoting our contributions and interacting with the boss.

They loiter around the boss’s office. They dole out compliments to all the right people. They chime in enthusiastically at every meeting.

The only thing more maddening than observing an office suck-up in action is realizing that it’s working.

“It drives me so crazy,” says Rick Davis, an application developer in Haverhill, Mass. He can’t help but tally all the people-pleasing tendencies he’s noticed over the years, the folks who copy a flood of executives on emails touting their accomplishments, the ones who ask redundant questions during department calls just so everyone remembers they’re there.

They can be less than collegial to co-workers. And yet, they often succeed—even faster than the rest of us.

Can we learn to live with the office suck-up? Can we borrow some of the things they do well, without devolving into ingratiation? And why do they bug us so much, anyway?

“The reason we don’t like suck-ups is because we’re suck-ups,” says Michael Karson, a psychology professor at the University of Denver. Who among us has never fawned over a photo of the boss’s baby, regardless of how cute it is?

There’s some jealousy, too. Many of us secretly want to be the favorite child and wish we were more natural at being the squeaky wheel ourselves. Plus, we don’t like being reminded of the innate unfairness and hierarchy baked into organizations, Dr. Karson says.

“The fact that it works says something about the way bosses are,” he adds.

Still, what if the suck-up is making life easier for everyone by soothing an insecure boss’s ego, making him or her less likely to micromanage? 

“Be grateful that your suck-up’s willing to do that emotional work for the rest of us,” says Amy Gallo, the author of “Getting Along,” a new book about working with all kinds of colleagues.

When faced with a suck-up, Ms. Gallo says, first ask yourself: Is this person doing something I should be doing, too?

Maybe you need to promote yourself more. Do it in a generous way, she says. For example, in a meeting, offer up your recent successful project as a blueprint for a colleague who’s just getting started on something similar. Or, ask your boss if you can present in an all-staff gathering to highlight the team’s recent good work. 

When embarking on a joint effort with a grandstanding colleague, strike a deal upfront about how you’ll share the credit, Ms. Gallo recommends. Offer to create a slide on the PowerPoint presentation that lists everyone who worked on it, or agree to sign all emails to higher-ups from the team.

Be wary of complaining to your boss, Ms. Gallo warns. After all, the suck-up probably has your manager’s ear, and you could be labeled the difficult one. If you’re set on talking to your boss about your trouble working with the person, tie your issue to a business impact. The problem isn’t that this person is annoying. It’s that the team might miss its targets. Treat the conversation as a joint problem-solving session where you come with ideas, too.

There are even benefits to being colleagues with kiss-ups. A working paper from Columbia Business School, Harvard Business School and University of Toronto finds that “upward influencers,” or employees who are more highly regarded by bosses than peers, can improve team performance.

‘Be grateful that your suck-up’s willing to do that emotional work for the rest of us.’

— Amy Gallo, author of the book ‘Getting Along’

When such workers made up just over half of a team, clients’ assessments of the success of a project increased by about 25%, compared with when a team had no suck-ups or was all suck-ups, says Wei Cai, an assistant professor at Columbia and co-author of the paper, which analyzed 360-degree reviews of 578 employees at a consulting firm. 

Too many suck-ups and they spend all their time jockeying for power and not enough time doing the actual work, Dr. Cai says. Too few and the group doesn’t communicate enough with their bosses, who can get them the resources they need to keep the project on track.

If you find yourself clashing with a suck-up during a meeting or gathering, be direct but keep a positive tone, says Julia Minson, an associate professor at Harvard Kennedy School who focuses on conflict and negotiations. For example, if they recycle a comment you just made, attempting to pass it off as their own, say, “Thank you for reiterating the point I made. It’s great to have your support.” If they attempt to claim sole credit for behind-the-scenes work you participated in, try, “I appreciate you describing the work we’ve been doing together.”

And don’t wait for the perfect moment to jump in and highlight your own contributions and insights. It’s often not as awkward or jarring as we think to turn the conversation to the point we want to make, Dr. Minson says. If a suck-up is taking all the airtime, try pivoting with interjections such as, “But also, we should consider this question,” or “Here’s something else that has been on my mind.”

Behind the scenes, maybe it’s time to create an alliance. Suck-ups often have robust professional networks, says Heidi Grant, a social psychologist and author of a book about eliciting help from others. They’re skilled at connecting mutual acquaintances and often awash in information.

“These are people who are very, very good at sending the social signals that make other people like them and trust them,” she says. “You’re wise to befriend them.”

Ask them for advice and insight, such as how to write this email, who to connect with in the marketing department, what’s going on with that reorganization. Tie the query to something specific that they’re truly, uniquely good at: “Our manager seems to trust you so much. How would you start this proposal?” Afterward, come back to them and tell them how helpful they were.

“When you do that, they feel really good. They get that warm glow,” Dr. Grant says. 

Suddenly, the suck-up is on your side.