‘Quiet dumping’ is making all of us single

From not showering to not having sex, this is how you’re being dumped without even knowing it.

From not showering to not having sex, this is how you’re being dumped without even knowing it.

Picture: the moment your beloved drapes an arm around your shoulder, whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and your body instinctively recoils in disgust. 

The words that once sent you into flutters ensnare you with rage, and you proceed to never cook a single meal that requires more than four ingredients, never spend above $25 on a single item for their benefit or groom for longer than five minutes prior to seeing them again.

It’s a sensation that expands on the Gen Z consensus of “quiet quitting”, coined nowhere else but on TikTok as “quiet dumping”.

While quiet quitting has emerged as a revolt against the high-pressure demands of employment, where adopters do the “bare minimum” required to keep their job, quiet dumping is more pervasive, insidious and fortunately, hilarious.

As discussed by LA-based TikTok star Daniel Hentschel, quiet dumping is simply “when your partner chooses to only do the bare minimum required to date you without you breaking up with them.”

@danhentschel

Quiet Quitting in a Relationship aka “Quiet Dumping” #couples #relationships

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The symptoms are as follows:

• Total loss of interest
• Showing up “but not really showing up”
• Seeming “fine” to everyone else, but knowing deep down it is absolutely not

It’s a motivation, also known as the “slow fade” (not to be confused with the haircuts of Love Island), fuelled by our society’s inherent addiction to passive aggression. 

Sydney man John*, 28, told The OZ he was guilty of “quiet quitting” a relationship, solely because he didn’t want to be perceived as a bad person.

“I just didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, so I kind of waited until they dumped me,” he shared.

“It backfired though because that took four years, so I’m going to try and be a big boy next time and pull the trigger myself.” 

Other recollections of quiet dumping were less generous, with moves like “not having sex,”, pretending to be “too busy” to see them, and “finding someone else,” used as excuses.

The mentality of languishing out of love, Amanda Lambros, a relationship expert and counsellor tells The OZ is a result of “care”.

“Most people care about the relationship or actually care about the person and that’s what takes so long to leave,” she explains.

“I tend to hear ‘they’re so nice’ or ‘I don’t want to hurt their feelings,’. Most of us just haven’t learnt how to have a relationship or how to communicate, so if you genuinely don’t know what you want for yourself, how are you meant to communicate that to other people.”

@amandatwiggsjohns

Quietly quitting means a slow disengagement from you and the relationship. #marriagetips #marriageadvice #relationshiptips #amandatwiggsjohns #relationshipadvice #marriagehelp #marriagecoach #tipsforcouples #relationshipcoach

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Lambros, who boasts a Masters in Forensic Sexology and 22 years of experience, says a major contributor to the trend is the tendency for people to date partners with enormous red flags, that they wear like a bandana, rather than acknowledging what they want.

“When you’re clear on your non-negotiables from the outset, you don’t end up in this situation,” Lambros says.

“Often we’re tolerating something much longer than we normally would, rather than telling someone I do not want you to change for me, and I’m really secure in what I want, but I'm going to go.”

There are innumerable think-pieces and data-backed studies analysing at length how long it takes you to get over a break up, but few delve into the harsh reality of how long it actually takes someone to break up.

Lambros says quiet dumping poses a “Catch-22”, as the recipient is often “thrown off guard” when the relationship inevitably ends.

When it comes to taking accountability in a break up, Lambros’ advice is simple.

“Just be more secure in who you are and what you want,” she says.

As summer slowly inches closer and an unprecedented supply of horniness ignites in couples seeking to terminate their romantic ties, one can only imagine whether the quiet dump era will end with a bang.