The 'innocent victim and evil abuser' narrative doesn't fit

"Victims are having one of their worst fears reinforced... 'Nobody will believe me'. And when it comes to leaving, I fear women are thinking 'Maybe he'll do a Depp on me'," said Phoebe Burgess.

"Victims are having one of their worst fears reinforced... 'Nobody will believe me'. And when it comes to leaving, I fear women are thinking 'Maybe he'll do a Depp on me'," said Phoebe Burgess.

We are letting you know this is analysis, not a news report.

Typical relationships rarely involve just two people.

There are commentators, there are courts of public opinion, and there is private counsel.

And that's without actual legal proceedings and lawyers charging thousands of dollars by the minute. 

Then there's Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's union and their horribly dysfunctional marriage with abuse claims on both sides.

If we’ve learned anything from the autopsy of their coupling, it’s that there are break-ups, there are toxic relationships and then there are these two: a perfect storm of overly inflated egos and a driven desperation to “win”. The trial was salacious but at its core, it was a sad circus – and a sadder indictment on us, the audience.

We giggled and gawked while this formerly glamorous “it” couple crashed and burned. What it showed is that we’re not yet ready to grapple with the serious issue of domestic violence like adults.

It was the OJ Simpson trial for a younger generation. We tuned in and watched the proceedings via a YouTube live stream as evidence – including a severed finger, claims of sexual assault with a vodka bottle, and stories about bodily fluids and waste being smeared around palatial rentals on the Gold Coast – was heard.

It was reality TV in its rawest form, courtroom pornography, Hollywood without producers.

At the peak of the seven-week case, held in a small-town courthouse in the US, more 19 million people tuned in. For comparison, the highest-rating TV show is the SuperBowl which draws an average audience of about 110 million every year.

We love sport, but we are fascinated by the blood sport of celebrity gossip.

The trigger for this lawsuit – season two of Depp v Heard, as season one was set in a British court where Depp lost – was an opinion piece titled: “I spoke up against sexual violence – and faced our culture’s wrath. This has to change”. During the verdict on Thursday it was read out again and again as the jury ruled against the woman who wrote it. Outside the court and online, Depp’s fans cheered and chanted “We love you Johnny” and liked the hashtag #JusticeForJohnnyDepp.

The jurors ruled in Depp’s favour across three counts, awarding the actor $US15m, an amount later reduced by the judge to $US10.35m, citing a limit to punitive damages under state law.

Heard sat with her eyes down. Depp wasn’t in court. He’s touring in Britain with musician Jeff Beck, a singer whose hits include songs like Cause We’ve Ended as Lovers. The actor released a statement saying that six years after he had been accused of domestic abuse by Heard, “the jury gave me my life back. I am truly humbled.”

Amber Heard ordered to pay $US15 million in damages

Depp, 58, has won the courtroom battle. But now, instead of being famous as a Hollywood leading man, he’ll be known as the guy who sued his 36-year-old, less connected and not as successful ex-wife. Nobody won. The big business of defamation law did, but this showbiz sideshow has sent discussion about domestic violence back decades. 

Relationships are never black and white. At times they burst with colour, and then are clouded with grey. Anger, lust, love and misunderstandings are all part and parcel of sharing your life with another.

Context is important but so too is listening when people - men and women - are brave enough to speak about what happens behind closed doors. Lawyers can object and call hearsay in court but these arguments of "#notallmen" and "#believewomen" are not binary in the real world. 

Allegations of domestic violence are never clear-cut.

There is no such thing as the evil perpetrator and the chastened, pure victim.

Harm cannot be measured just by bruises copped. Hurt cannot be compensated solely in financial terms.

Context is important but so is listening when people – men and women – are brave enough to speak up when bad things happen behind closed doors. As a society, we need to learn to prevent the causes of partner mistreatment and gendered violence. We don’t need more court cases to clean up the mess.

"This man took legal action - demanding $100m - after a UK judge found he was a 'wife beater'. If his mission was to send a signal to all the abusers and misogynists out there that women won't be believed, he's succeeded," alleged survivor Phoebe Burgess said.

"Victims are having one of their worst fears reinforced... 'Nobody will believe me'. And when it comes to leaving, I fear women are thinking 'Maybe he'll do a Depp on me'," Burgess added.

Depp may have won on paper. Heard will go on to be a high-profile advocate in the domestic violence space, but this case has stained the public discourse in ways much worse than those sheets we heard about.

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au