I am not okay with the ballet flat resurgence

Flat chance you'll catch me in these bow-tied monstrosities.

Flat chance you'll catch me in these bow-toed monstrosities.

This is the un-expert opinion of a journalist who knows approximately three things about fashion.

I am a stan for the comfy shoe revolution. 

Pictures of Victoria Beckham wearing stilettos to basketball games haunted me as a teenager, so when our generation flipped high-heel culture on its head, my feet breathed a sigh of relief.

I have broken an ankle just looking at them. Picture: Getty Images

We rejected the legacy Mad Men had left behind, and didn’t need high heels to make our legs look longer and butts look smaller. 

White sneakers became appropriate clubbing footwear, masseur sandals were spotted in trendy restaurants and chunky black thongs appeared in everyone's wardrobes. All was well with the world.

But when I opened The Weekend Australian and spotted an article titled “How Bridgerton revived the ballet flat”, my mouth fell agape.

I have no eloquent words to describe how I am feeling about this. Ballet flats are just ugly.

They've made their way back to luxury fashion and thus, inevitably, they'll be back in the mainstream soon.

The Miu Miu silk flats. Picture: Getty Images

“Some brands, like Chanel and Margaux, consider classic ballet flats part of their DNA,” journalist Nancy MacDonnell wrote.

“But a wider range of designers has lately been tinkering with the shoe’s dainty proportions. Both Mansur Gavriel and Khaite have given theirs squared-off, pointe-shoe-style toes. Molly Goddard has affixed skinny ankle ties (and introduced men’s sizes).” 

MacDonnell quoted the co-founder of luxury fashion brand Margaux, Alexa Buckley: “Comfort leads to confidence and confidence leads to style. After the past couple of years, comfort is really important.” 

 

Sure, as a society we're accepting comfort culture. But ballet flats are punching above their weight.

They’re the shoe a struggling cellist dons when performing in a community talent show. They’re the shoe mandated for Coles and Woolworths workers everywhere. They’re the shoe I crammed my bigger-than-average-for-my-age-but-still-fine-sized-I-promise foot into, for relative's funerals in the early 2000s.

These aren't a fashion item - they're the wardrobe go-to for someone who doesn't want to draw attention to themselves.

They make my American-girl-doll legs look even stumpier, and my feet look plump. I'd have more sympathy if someone told me they were "supportive" or "ergonomic", but the flimsy footwear are doing  nothing for your arches.

I have dark memories of being a tween wearing a pair of Rubi Shoes jiffys on a day trip to the shops with my pals. With a Country Road tote slung over my shoulder we'd traipse from Supre to Dotti to Cotton On thinking we looked like the tits. But we didn't. We looked like D-grade Gossip Girl wannabes.

I despise jiffys. Picture: Rubi Shoes.

Upper-class brands I tend to avoid at Sydney Westfield - Miu Miu, Louis Vuitton - are revamping the ballet flat, which is an early indication they’ll shortly be available in your local Windsor Smith.

 

Remember when the Miu Miu mini skirt waltzed onto the internet earlier this year, with exposed pockets and almost-exposed hoo-hahs? Dupes have already been spotted in Lioness and Verge Girl. It’s only a matter of time before ballet flats follow suit. 

The Miu Miu mini skirt, and it's slightly-longer cousin for sale at Lioness. Picture: Vanity Fair, Supplied

As a generation, we have loved reviving early noughties trends. Mini-skirts, crew-neck sweatshirts, low-rise jeans. But guys, we've found the line. Let's draw it at ballet flats.