The curse of the Kardashian men

Coincidence or Koincidence?

Coincidence or Koincidence?

There is type-A, then there are the Kardashian-Jenner women.

You don't make it to the Forbes Rich List and influence everything from body shape trends, beauty standards, the entire entertainment industry and, like... linguistics without being, at least, a little bit... intense (right Elon? 🤷🏻‍♀️).

When news broke last week that Blink 182 rock star Travis Barker was rushed to hospital in an emergency situation, certain corners of the internet murmured and muttered the phrase: "The Kardashian Curse".

It's the new age Beetlejuice. Just don't say it quickly out loud three times unless you wish to summon some "seriously online" conspiracy theorists.

What is this Kardashian Curse?

It started years ago and, like most "curses", it has some severely savage and sexist undertones. 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single Kardashian/Jenner in possession of good fortune, must be in want of an NBA athlete or entertainer.

Any time a sports star has dated one of the sisters, rumours of the curse have run wild on social media.

Fuelled by the fact the family has essentially been pop culture for almost 20 years now and their proclivity for dating players, the Kardashian curse has been swirling around for almost as long as they have.

While they have the Midas touch when it comes to business, their track records in love, make them look like cashed up praying mantis with acrylic coffin shaped nails for claws. 

Who are the 'victims'?

It all started with a bloke called Reggie Bush.

The mere fact most of us say "Who?" when his name is mentioned is telling.

Bush was the hugely talented NFL quarterback who dated Kim during the early years of his career.

Reggie and Kim at an event in 2009. She was described as his "actress girlfriend" at the time.

When it became apparent that he was never going to meet the hype that came with him, people took to blaming Kim. 

He had previously been embroiled in a college football scandal which saw him lose the Heisman Trophy (like the Dally M or Brownlow medals) after allegations he received illegal and lavish gifts, cash and even a house for his family, while playing footy at uni.

His team won the Super Bowl in 2010 (the year they broke up) but he then suffered a freak, career-ending knee injury when he slipped on concrete during a game. He's now commentating amateur NFL.

Kim then went on to marry and quickly divorce the aspiring NBA star Kris Humphries. The marriage latest 72 days. They divorced in 2011. Humphries played with eight NBA teams, and his best season was in 2011-12 - the year they married and divorced. 

In a 2019 essay for The Player's Tribune, Humphries said it "bothered" him when people called his marriage to Kim "fake." "There's definitely a lot about that world that is not entirely real," he said while stipulating his feelings were legit.

Khloe married Lamar Odom. They met in September 2009 and got married a month later when he was a star power forward for the Lakers. They lasted four years. Khloe left him citing "alcohol, drug abuse and infidelity". 

Since then, Odom has been arrested for drink driving, gone on drug-induced benders, been sued by a paparazzi photographer and suffered the loss of two friends. He was then found unconscious in a brothel in Vegas in 2015, a narrative arc which was used in that year's season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom in 2011.

Khloe then met Tristan Thompson. Another NBA player and they have a child together. It's since been revealed he cheated on her with her sister Kylie's (former) best friend Jordyn Woods and also fathered another baby with another woman while he was travelling for work.

The latter issue is also one of the content tent poles of the new TV series on Disney+. Widely circulated promos of The Kardashians included Khloe talking about how she was made so anxious by his behaviour, she fainted.

Since Thompson has been in the Kardashian orbit he's bounced around to four NBA teams since he left the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2020. He's now signed with the Chicago Bulls on a one-year, $1m contract. Which is just a fraction of what he earned during his last years with the Cavs. 

Kendall Jenner has also dated a number of jocks, including Australian and former Rookie of the Year Ben Simmons. Simmons was selected with the first overall pick in the 2016 NBA draft by the Philadelphia 76ers.

After sitting out a year due to an injured right foot, he was named the NBA Rookie of the Year in 2018 and was selected three times to the NBA All-Star Game. He started dating Kendall in 2018 - on and off til May 2019.

The wheels then fell off at the 76ers, he didn't play in the Olympics and was finally traded to the Brooklyn Jets. He has been dealing with some family issues, an inability to shoot 3s, and is also now trying to recover the nearly $20m he lost when his former team withheld his salary for games he missed earlier this season.

Kendall Jenner at a 76res v Lakers game in 2019.

Kendall recently broke it off with another player - Devin Booker.

Other men in the midst include Rob Kardashian, the son of Kris Jenner and the late lawyer Robert Kardashian.

The black sheep of the family had a baby with Blac Chyna, who then tried to sue Kris and co for damages when their poorly rating reality show was cancelled. He is now living the quiet life away from cameras of the new reality TV series and managing his type 1 diabetes.

Some other men who also reportedly started struggling in their personal lives include Kanye West, who was married to Kim for seven years. Ye publicly struggled with bipolar disorder after marrying her and the fallout was messy, public and captured for the aforementioned new reality show.

Then there's the Lord. Scott Disick, who dated Kourtney on-and-off for 10 years. He also went through addiction and depression during their time together before going on to date 21-year-olds, including Sofia Ritchie.

But back to Barker who married Kourt three times this year.

He's fine. The couple confirmed over the weekend the drama was all over "life-threatening pancreatitis".

Barker released a statement via Instagram Stories. 

Travis is fine. For now.

The couple revealed they had their digestive tracts investigated together.

"Travis and I went in for a routine endoscopy together and he ended up with severe, life-threatening pancreatitis," Kourtney said. "I'm so so thankful to our specialists, doctors, and nurses at Cedars Sinai for taking such wonderful care of my husband and me during our stay."

Do the Kardashians know we're talking about them like this?

Obviously.

The devil works hard, Kris Jenner works harder. As the executive producer of their original reality series (and all the spin offs like Khloe & Lamar), she included a segment about it in the reunion specials. 

The women rubbished the "curse" as nothing more than people being "insane".

"What I don’t like about this narrative is that the blame is on us,” Kendall said.

“The men need to take that responsibility. I think that we’re all extremely giving and caring and loving women. When there is a man in our lives we give everything to them and, as a family, we all love them so much. It’s almost offensive."

Khloe agreed that talking about the "curse" only serves to blame women "for men's problems".

The others pointed out that plenty of men thrived while being linked to the family.

Kim said Kanye did well, and Kris pointed out they had dated a Super Bowl champion (Bush) and two NBA champions (Odom and Thompson).

"Of course, factually, it doesn't add up," Kendall said.

Are they just control freaks?

A common thread through all the criticisms of the "curse" and the ladies of, what author Ian Halperin called "America's most notorious family" in his New York Times best-selling book, Kardashian Dynasty, is control.

Something they all, reportedly, weld in different ways.

"Everyone who goes to Kris' house has to sign a confidentiality agreement," Halperin wrote. "Not even the Queen of England is as controlling as Kris."

Others would call it discipline.

Collectively Kris, Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie are worth more than $3bn.

You don't get that type of personal wealth without either working, like Kim encouraged us to do in that tone-deaf Variety video, or inheriting a mining licence in WA's north west from your father. At least Kim takes her own advice.

Everything in the Kardashian world is controlled. We've all seen Kris' house which boasts a fine china room, as well as images of Khloe's super organised pantry and videos of Kim's well stocked fridges (she has nine).

Like politics and the royal family, nothing happens to the Kardashians publicly "by accident", it happens with them. The difference between them and the rest of their peers is they are better at spinning than a top of range Fisher and Paykel.

Lamar's dad Joe, blamed them for his son's downfall, calling them "controlling".

Caitlyn Jenner, following her unveiling, hinted at Kris' strict behaviour during their marriage. 

Something she refuted in a rare interview with the New York Times.

"I guess if I get a little weird about something that isn't the way I want it, and I complain, then it's called controlling. I like everything a certain way. I'm not somebody who can just lay back and let it happen. That's never going to happen for me. And I think that's what's gotten me to where I am in life, at the same time. I can't turn it on and off," Kris said.

The apples, albeit the incredible successful ones, didn't fall far from the tree.

Back in May following the Met Gala when Pete Davidson made his official red carpet debut as Kim's beau, some behind the scenes footage was released of him being told what to do by Kim as they posed for candid photos. 

"Take the hat off," she said.

"I didn’t know where to put my hat," the former Saturday Night Live comedian said

"She’ll hold it, just in case," she responded, referencing her assistant. "Because if it works and we want to use this somewhere. Just if I want to post any behind-the-scenes...I’m just looking out for you."

"No, it’s cool," Davidson replied, followed by giving his cap away and saying, "Thank you, man. This hat caused a lot of trouble."

Davidson has also featured heavily as a story line for the new TV show and we are eating it up.

The Kardashians is the now the most-watched series premiere on Hulu in the US, and across all global markets (including on Disney+ here in Australia) according to a Hulu spokesperson.

Controlling women cursing men - it sounds more like sour grapes than criticism. 

We shouldn't be shocked by these revelations. It's in the title and been their brand DNA since 2007 - Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Now let's settle in to watch from afar and analyse the next round of men who try to to keep up with the work's most aggressive pace setters.