Give Margot Robbie as Barbie the Oscar

For The Academy's consideration... 

For The Academy's consideration... 

Greta Gerwig is making a film about Barbie.

A perfectly cast Margot Robbie will play the Mattel icon. Ryan Gosling is Ken (swoon). Kate McKinnon, Alexandra Shipp, America Ferrera, Simu Liu, Issa Rae, Michael Cera, Hari Nef and Will Ferrell will all co-star.

“People generally hear ‘Barbie’ and think, ‘I know what that movie is going to be, and then they hear that Greta Gerwig is writing and directing it, and they’re like, ‘Oh, well, maybe I don’t,” says Margot Robbie.

We have absolutely no idea what this movie is going to be like.

Greta Gerwig is an exquisitely cerebral writer. Her early days as the face of the Mumblecore movement, ad-libbing dialogue in Hannah Takes the Stairs, and LOL; her driftless and gorgeous Noah Baumbach collaboration, Frances Ha; and her incredibly special coming-of-age directorial debut, Lady Bird, speak of her knack for insight and emotional nuance.

Adam Driver and Greta Gerwig in Frances Ha.

So what is she going to do with our beloved bimbo Barbie?

Yes, Barbie Roberts is a bimbo. She’s also an accomplished career girl. Who ran her first presidential election in 1992 and has run in every election since. She travelled to space four years before Neil Armstrong; worked as a surgeon in 1973, before winning Miss America one year later; and enjoyed illustrious careers as a video game developer, robotics engineer, Olympic gold medalist and computer engineer.

But going off the one promotional image we’ve seen so far — a luminous Margot Robbie, teeth sparkling, polka dot hairband, b ehindthe wheel of a hot pink convertible — we suspect (and hope) Gerwig is honing in on Barbie in her glorious, bimbo manifestation.

Source: Warner Bros.

Perhaps she’ll take cues from the 1992 Teen Talk release of the doll that spat out phrases like ‘will we ever have enough clothes?’, ‘meet me at the mall,’ and ‘math class is tough!.’

Robbie said the film “comes with a lot of baggage and nostalgic connections.” The kind of baggage she’s talking about is vague. Two theories: a) we’re in for a Joker style trauma origin story or b) she’s talking about the stages of development hell this film went through.

A timeline of the Barbie debacle:

• The film has been on the cards since 2014
• Sex in the City writer Jenny Bicks wrote the first script
• Sony was not impressed. So Juno writer Diablo Cody was tasked with penning the script, who, in her words “​​failed so hard at that project.” Honest to blog
• Amy Schumer boarded the project in 2016, with a script by Hillary Winston about a woman who was exiled from ‘Barbie-ville’ for not meeting its body standards
• Schumer left the project citing creative differences. She wanted Barbie to be an ‘ambitious inventor’ but both Mattel and the studio pushed back on the idea that the invention be high heels made of Jello
• In 2017 there were talks that Australian director Alethea Jones would man the project, with Anne Hathaway as lead
• In 2019 it was confirmed that Margot Robbie would play Barbie, with Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach
• In 2023, it will be released

Whatever it may be, we hope that Barbie gets both Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig an Oscar.

Recent winners of the Best Actress category have either had to deliver raw, turbulent performances (Frances McDormand in Nomadland, Olivia Coleman in The Father) or go through grotesque physical transformations (Charlize Theron in Monster, Jessica Chastain in The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Nicole Kidman in The Hours) to nab the award.

Charlize Theron as Aileen Wuornos in Monster (2003).

Margot Robbie has already earned her stripes. Her range is one of the most diverse in Hollywood: from Tonya Harding in I, Tonya to Harley Quinn in Birds of Prey to Sharon Tate in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.

It’s time for The Academy to honour girls for being hot and fun. As TikTok would have it, the bimbo reclamation movement is in full swing.