Dangerous Liaisons is raunchy and going nowhere

Stan’s new adaptation of Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’s 1782 masterpiece is clearly out to shock, with lots of sex from the get go – then not much else. 

Stan’s new adaptation of Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’s 1782 masterpiece is clearly out to shock, with lots of sex from the get go – then not much else.

Lesley Manville is showing her range these days. In only the past two months, she’s been resplendent in The Crown as an ageing Princess Margaret and charming as an old washer woman dreaming of Dior in Mrs Harris Goes to Paris.

So it’s rather a shock when in the first five minutes of her latest outing on Stan this month, you see this 66-year-old beloved British theatre doyenne enjoying a much younger man – well – checking her undergarments from below. 

Yes, it’s the latest adaptation of that filthy, scandalous French classic Dangerous Liaisons. 

You remember that 1988 sex-filled thriller starring a slimy John Malkovich and a monstrous Glenn Close, where the dastardly pair play a game of sexual chess with innocent lives as the pieces. 

This new series is the prequel, the story of how two young lovers on the eve of the French Revolution became the wicked, psychosexual game-players who star in Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’s 1782 masterpiece and its adaptations since. 

Returning to Manville’s dress, this series makes its central question quite clear from the beginning. As Lady Marmalade once asked: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?”

Stan’s offering is clearly out to shock, with lots of sex from the get go. Nobody keeps their wig and corset on for long in this show. So why is it all so dreary?

Are we all fatigued by the sauciness of Bridgerton? Are we all a bit sick of sex-obsessed aristocrats, from The Crown downwards through the ages?

You can’t place the blame here on its two Australian stars. Nicholas Denton is Valmont – the John Malkovich one – and no wonder all the women in France say “J’taime, oui j’taime”.

Anyone who’s seen Denton on the Melbourne stage knows he’s a star and clearly the American makers of this saw he was perfect for France’s most infamous literary Lothario. 

He’s charming but a cad, gorgeous but ghastly. Even as he blackmails every woman he can and grabs every penny he sees from their purses, you can’t help but root for Denton​Valmont. 

And Alice Englert is more than a match for him as his true love turned enemy. She starts out in Dangerous Liaisons as a waif-like prostitute who seems a bit fragile and pale. But Englert has a rage and an experience in her voice which makes it no great leap she’ll turn into Glenn Close. 

The problem here is not our stars. It’s the script. Dreary monologues, repeated lines of “oh my love has betrayed me, I will never love again, blah blah blah”.

Sure things moved a little slower in the pre-Revolutionary French dating scene. But for goodness’ sake get on with it. Robespierre is getting ready to chop some heads, so move the plot along.

Dangerous Liaisons seems to put all its sexy shocks in the opening and then has nothing left much to show. The powdered wigs are good, there are some good performances (another British acting veteran Clare Higgins is great as a malevolent brothel madam). 

But Dangerous Liaisons doesn’t really know how to last all night long. 

Our Parisian lovers may have had to deal with guillotines and syphilis and bad scripts, but at least they avoided the most horrific torture device of all time: dating apps. 

Swiping and liking and poking plays a central role in Disney Plus’s star-filled new comic thriller Fleishman is in Trouble.

Starring Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network, Superman) and that heroine of Homeland and darling of Romeo, Claire Danes, the adaptation of Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s hit 2019 novel is all about getting back onto both the horse and Tinder.

Eisenberg is a sweet, moralistic, slightly self-righteous doctor who Danes – a cold, materialistic theatre agent – dumps brutally after 15 years. 

To the amazement of his friends – and frankly the viewer, Eisenberg is not a looker – our divorced protagonist ends up the No.1number one ​prize of New York’s dating scene with apparently every woman sending him inappropriate photos and begging for dates.

Guess everyone loves a doctor. 

But there’s a twist. The ex-wife goes missing and things change rather quickly.

While this is predominantly a mystery, Fleisc​hman is in Trouble is a zesty exploration of post-divorce love and sex. 

The visual depiction of Eisenberg caught in a tornado of profiles, pics and women is fantastically done and he’s brilliant as a man finally discovering what it’s like to be the stag.

He’s aided in his adventures by the great Lizzy Caplan (Masters of Sex, Castle Rock) who plays the best female friend of years ago who comes back into the hero’s life. And yes, you can feel a “will they won’t, won’t they” wind a blowin’.

And everyone’s favourite early 2000s teen soap heart-throb Adam Brody (aka Seth Cohen in The OC) is a winner as the bachelor boy mate who escaped the drudgery of marriage.

The downfall? The characterisation of Danes. She’s very good as always, but surely we’re done with the cold-bitch-ex archetype. Hopefully we find more layers to her as the mystery of where she disappeared to drags on. 

There’s two hard and fast rules to the world of modern dating. No.1umber one - ​– if someone is charming, funny, smart and cute on a dating app, they’re probably rubbish in real life. 

And No.2number two - ​– your online honey isn’t just vibing with you. They’re making another special someone sigh and giggle just as much. 

Love Triangle, Stan’s Australian reality hit, has for weeks brought both those horrible truths home and now viewers this weekend can binge the whole thing in its fake tan, big muscle glory.

It’s pretty basic – very good looking Sydneysiders are given two people to text with for three days with no photos swapped. Once they choose the person they like, they go on a blind date and move in together immediately.

You’ve seen the blind date scenario on screen before. The immediate love sick puppy dogs, and the people who couldn’t run away fast enough. Love Triangle goes further. This time, you get a second chance with the text mate you rejected while still staying stuck with your original partner.

Viewers will of course get all the drama you’d expect. The cheaters and the screamers. The fights and the make-outs. One particular dude is referred throughout as the “walking Tinder” for all the attention he supposedly gets from the ladies.

The characters here are pretty gripping and you’ll keep coming for more to see who snogged who, who dumped who, and who’s playing away. But it can feel a bit bloated with long running times for each episode (a short show is a good show) and a long, long wait for the series’ twist. Love Triangle does ultimately succeed in showing what’s been true from pre-revolutionary France to modern Sydney: dating sucks.

Dangerous Liaisons​, streaming on Stan. 

Fleishman is in Trouble​, streaming on Disney Plus. 

Love Triangle​, streaming on Stan.