Whisper it in future, but this team is exceptional

YOU will have read of late that the England cricket team are very good at cricket. This was a mistake.

YOU will have read of late that the England cricket team are very good at cricket. This was a mistake.

It should have said that the England cricket team are very bad at cricket. Not because it is true, but because as soon as anyone tells them they are good, they go weak at the knees. Disaster follows as night follows day.

It is a problem that mostly affects the batsmen. Good, even great on their day, they have this dreadful tendency to get above themselves. That is when they fall in a heap and wait for the bowlers to come to the rescue, as they have done on many occasions - and that is exactly what happened at Trent Bridge on the first day of this Feast of the Endless Ashes.

Whether the bowlers have done enough remains to be seen.

It all happened because the England cricket team are the worst favourites in the history of sport. They are the worst front-runners since Devon Loch.

One hint of triumphalism and they have gone in the fetlock, gone in the brain, gone in the heart. As soon as they succeed in climbing to any summit whatsoever, they make the fearful error of looking down. That is when they come over queer. Fit of the vapours. Do you mind if I have a little lie-down?

Once again we fell into the terrible trap of praising England as if they were a normal cricket team.

We praised their abilities; well, they deserve praising. We celebrated their numbers; they deserve celebrating. We praised their record, their planning, their preparation, their management, their fitness, their technique, their personalities, their strength in depth.

That is a media-led thing, but it is what everybody was thinking. It was the only logical stance.

I saw them beat India in India, something that only the best teams manage. In Mumbai, they were seriously brilliant. I knew that, and so did everyone else who watched it, in India or back home on the telly.

This was clearly a genuinely exceptional team - and just think of all the confidence and self-belief they would take into the Ashes.

There was no mistake in making this judgment. The mistaking was in telling them. Yes, good point well made, we are rather good, aren't we? Ooh, and down they go again like a Victorian lady who has done her corsets up a shade too tight: lay her out on the chaise longue and send for the sal volatile.

It has been the story of the past eight years - ever since they won the Ashes in 2005 after an 16-year period of devastating Australian dominance. It's called open-top bus syndrome, the same set of symptoms that affected the England rugby union team after they won the World Cup in 2003.

Ah, remember the heady days of that Ashes summer and its aftermath? England had beaten Australia, the team were crammed full of heroes and Freddie Flintoff was physically incapable of failure.

So they made him captain and England lost the away Ashes meeting 5-0 in the Ricky's Revenge series.

But the England team, being full of good cricketers, regrouped and came back and beat Australia in 2009, beat Australia in Australia in 2010-11 and beat India at home to achieve the No1 Test ranking - and, whoops, there she goes again; catch her before she hits the ground, put a pillow under her head, loosen her clothing.

Next thing England were losing to Pakistan in the United Arab Emirates and to South Africa at home, and losing the No1 status - so much cosier without it - at the same time.

So they basked in the hostile criticism and went on to play that blinder against India. Alas, by doing so they attracted all manner of praise again - and were at once brought up short in New Zealand, drawing in circumstances that did not flatter.

But they beat New Zealand back home, looked all right, and were praised again, went into the Ashes series as heavy favourites - and the inevitable happened. Fetch the brandy, she's flat on her back on the sofa again.

It is not as if the Australia bowlers were especially brilliant yesterday (Wednesday). It is more that England were especially English. Including the South Africans.

Alastair Cook: airy waft at a wide one. Kevin Pietersen: a hubristic flick. Jonathan Trott, in circumstances that required a long one, throwing the lot at a wide ball on 48. After a cheerful Stuart Broad cameo, England lost their last four wickets for two runs in 14 balls.

It shouldn't have been like that. England should have been casually confident, politely superior, charmingly condescending flat-track bullies.

There was nothing deadly in the bowlers, the pitch, the ball or the atmospheric conditions. It was not easy, but they knew it was an Ashes series. It is not supposed to easy. If it is easy, you cannot show how good you are, can you?

James Anderson and Steven Finn then knocked back the Australia top order to rescue the batters and the day somewhat, but they will need to go some today (Thursday) to stop Australia profiting. Still, a rather mad day was under some sort of tenuous control by the end. Thanks to the bowlers. Again.

Meanwhile, if the England batsmen could remember that they are completely useless, utterly hopeless and that Geoffrey Boycott's granny could do better, they may put up a better show in the second innings.

The Times