Men’s tennis has dined out on the admirable headline acts of Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal for the last 15 years. They have been good men. They have been statesmen. The next generation of young buffoons threaten to trash the sport’s reputation and turn the ATP Tour into something out of Zoolander.
Seen the gas station scene in Zoolander? The scene in which Zoolander and his mates spray themselves with petrol and dance around like dorks without remotely realising how tragic they are? Seen that scene?
That scene has first come to mind when a shirtless Novak Djokovic and his pals, led by Alex Zverev, have been getting their nerdy groove on in a nightclub during the Adria Tour. That exact scene has come to mind again when Zoolander Zverev, having apologised for his spectacularly selfish behaviour, has been caught in another video on Monday, grinning like a fool while women danced next to him. Zoolander Zverev was all goofy smiles until the bloke who took the video, German fashion designer Philipp Plein, posted it on Instagram. Plein has quickly removed it but that was too late, pal. Once it’s out there, it’s out there.
Sascha Zverev six days ago after Adria Tour coronavirus cluster:
— Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) June 28, 2020
“I deeply apologize to anyone that I have put at risk...I will proceed to follow self-isolating guidelines...stay safe ðŸ™.â€
Sascha Zverev four hours ago: pic.twitter.com/vqBXvYdxkv
Ben Stiller himself could not make this stuff up for sheer idiocy and self-absorption. For the pampered, pouting Zoolander Zverev to be caught up in the Djokovic party is one thing. Faking contrition in a shallow apology before going out and doing it all over again is enough for Federer and Nadal to cry into their skim half-shot decaffeinated morning coffees. They have built men’s tennis into a colossal entity. Now what? Djokovic may overtake them on the all-time majors list. And then Zoolander Zverev and Nick Kyrgios, the new moral guardian of tennis, which is really saying something, may be flying the flag for the next decade. There goes the neighbourhood. The decline in interest, ratings and prestige may be rapid.
Here’s the @NickKyrgios response so many of y’all were clamoring for. I think he delivered.
— Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) June 29, 2020
But to me the silence of the other 100+ ATP players is far louder and more telling. pic.twitter.com/guj2JjRZuS
I am missing Federer and Nadal before they’ve even gone. Federer is so old and injury prone that he can’t run a bath for his kids without having an ambulance on standby. Nadal, like Federer, wants to leave men’s tennis in a better state than he’s found it. Women’s tennis is laughing with Ash Barty as its major character. She is everything the WTA Tour wants and needs in a role model, a supremely gifted player and top all-round chick. If I’m running the ATP Tour, I’m not sure I want Zoolander Zverev as my pin-up.
Granted, the Anjuna Plage Private club looks a bit of fun. Under other circumstances, there may have been nothing wrong with Zoolander Zverev acting single and ready to mingle. But he’s meant to be self-isolating after every man and his dog has tested positive since the Adria Tour. Zoolander Zverev hasn’t been ordered to; he’s offered to; he’s pledged to; he’s promised to. What a crock. Six days ago, after the coronavirus cluster(f…) around Djokovic, he’s said: “I deeply apologise to anyone that I have put at risk. I will process to follow self-isolating guidelines. Stay safe.” He’s followed that hollow tweet with one of those little prayer emojis. Heaven help us, et cetera. Well, Zoolander Zverev must have misread the memo; the bits about the importance of isolating oneself while self-isolating.
We eagerly await Zoolander Zverev’s explanation. Perhaps he will just borrow from Stiller’s character in the movie and tweet: “Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?”
The video shows him in a crowded bar, everyone laughing it up, dancing, no doubt getting cozy later on, laughing with each other, laughing at the world, ladies never far from Zoolander Zverev’s side. Deeply apologetic is no longer the vibe we’re getting from him. Here’s what I don’t get about him. It’s one thing to not care about catching the virus yourself. But what if you pass it on to someone else? Isn’t that the greatest fear? Isn’t that why the world, with 10 million cases, is being careful? What if you give it to an older person who dies from it? Is that not terrifying enough to make you run a mile from this sort of scene? Djokovic has failed the pub test in more ways than one. In repeating the error, Zoolander Zverev fails the intelligence test.
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