Injured Nick Kyrgios ‘zero chance of playing the Open’

Nick Kyrgios needs to be on his best behaviour at the Australian Open now he’s become the moral guardian of men’s tennis.

Nick Kyrgios hits a return against Alexandre Muller on Tuesday Picture: AFP

You can imagine Nick Kyrgios as a 193cm Bart Simpson, standing at the blackboard in the Melbourne Park locker room, his baggy pants hanging down to his knees and his Murray River Open cap on backwards while he writes a hundred times on the blackboard: I Will Not Do Anything Bad Ever Again. I Will Not Do Anything Bad Ever Again. I Will Not Do Anything Bad Ever Again.

Kyrgios played his first match in nearly a year at Melbourne Park on Tuesday. His behaviour was expected to be the focus but the 3-6 6-4 7-6 (7/4) victory over France’s world number 209 Alexandre Muller, who’s never won an ATP Tour match, revealed Kyrgios is not remotely fit enough to win the Australian Open.

Not even close. He might not even play it. He’ll be lucky to survive Wednesday. His left calf was strapped. He needed treatment on his left knee. He complained, “It’s sore, bro!” He looked to have a little extra pudding round his girth, like plenty of us post-COVID. He was bored in the first set; barely interested in the next two.

Unless my ears deceived me, he told his entourage, “F … ing zero chance of playing the Open.”

He was in slow motion against an opponent he would normally annihilate. “It’s shocking,” he said of his injury. “No confidence in it at all. It’s not good, mate. It’s not good! It’s bad, bro. It’s bad! My leg feels like a piece of wood.”

The best serve in men’s tennis saved his bacon in the second and third sets set. And the superman forehand second only to his salty old mate Rafael Nadal’s. Kyrgios said something was “pissing me off” midway through the first set. Perhaps the lack of atmosphere on an outside court in a relatively unimportant tournament.

He didn’t do anything bad behaviour-wise, but that’s not to say he won’t ever do it again. He had bigger issues to deal with. The physical conditioning was not as strong as the ever-present charisma. Still, even on a wooden leg, he was entertaining enough.

US Open champion Dominic Thiem wrote recently of Kyrgios: “He is distinctive, you cannot replace him, he is totally unique! Tennis should be happy to have such a person. This sport hasn’t seen anyone like him before and probably never will. People either hate him or they love him. Deep in his soul he is a very nice person. Some years ago we discovered the Acapulco night life together, that was awesome!” Kyrgios replied: “Thanks for the love. That night in Mexico was naughty.”

Naughty Nick lived to fight another day. Let’s assume he ain’t ditching the on-court nincompoop routine any time soon, but Naughty Nick needs to try if he wants his off-court rants to be taken seriously.

There’s more riding on his behaviour since he appointed himself the moral guardian of men’s tennis. Naughty Nick cannot keep being a dunderhead if he wants to dictate to others. Naughty Nick cannot remain a pork chop and expect the respect of his peers or the public. He’s willing to throw stones at the “tool” Novak Djokovic for inconsiderate, self-centred tendencies, which is all well and good, but it’s going to sound almost comically hollow if he reverts to acting like an A-grade tool himself.

Nobody expects Naughty Nick to do nothing bad ever again, but he has to do more good than before if he’s going to cast judgments on others. Precious young punks don’t get to preach.

The Australian Open is going to be feisty. Tensions are simmering like it’s the eve of the Border-Gavaskar Trophy. Djokovic is in the role of Virat Kohli. See his match against Denis Shapovalov on Tuesday? Shapovalov was roaring straight at Djokovic like it was personal.

When Djokovic won the first set, he howled and chest-thumped like he was in an octagon on Fight Island. Djokovic might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s one thing he is that most of his peers are not. A winner.

Perhaps that is what annoys them most of all. They can say what they like about him – and they do – but he can always reply with the last words of any sporting argument. Look at the scoreboard. There’s the tool of his trade.