Did Djoker lie? Let’s cross to the Federal Court

Novak Djokovic’s court hearing to have his visa passed will be live-streamed to the world. With photographic evidence against him, the case boils down to this. Did he lie about having Covid?

Novak Djokovic and his representatives will get to plead the case for the world No.1 to play in the Australian Open on Monday Picture: AFP

Novak Djokovic begins his Australian Open campaign on Monday against the Home Affairs Minister. Formidable opponent. Jim Courier is on the red-eye from Sydney to do the post-match interviews. Those interminable Dylan Alcott ads are ready to roll. Character references against the world No. 1 are expected to be lodged by a Mr Roger Federer, of Switzerland, and a Mr Rafael Nadal, of Spain.

Djokovic hoped to avoid Nick Kyrgios early in the tournament. An even more dangerous floater has landed in his section of the draw. It has shades of Winston Smith versus Big Brother in the Orwell Open of late 1984. Djokovic may end his day by hugging his favourite tree at the Royal Botanic Gardens and revving up his Instagram account – #detaineelife – before instructing his personal chef dish up something that doesn’t have maggots in it. Or if the umpire, a variation on Judge Judy, calls game, set and match against him, the world No.1 may be on his way back to Serbia by nightfall. Protests will fall on deaf ears. Judge Judy reserves the right to act like Alex de Minaur on Ken Rosewall Arena: “This is my f … ing court!”

An activist holds a placard during a rally outside a government detention centre where Novak Djokovic is staying. Picture: AFP

This bit is remarkable – we can watch Djokovic versus Home Affairs Minister on the internet. All we need is Wi-Fi and something called Microsoft Teams, which from memory was beaten by Team Spain in the opening round of the ATP Cup. The broadcast of hearing will get a bigger audience than Spider-Man: No Way Home. Spoiler alert: Judge Judy has sufficient powers to well and truly show Djokovic the way back to his Belgrade abode. Spider-man: Next Plane Home. You couldn’t make this stuff up, apart from the stuff Djokovic may have made up.

Judge Judy is really Federal Circuit Court judge, Anthony Kelly. His honour says he’s not much of a tennis man, asking if this Djokovic fellow will be missed if he doesn’t play the Open. Mate, it depends who you ask. Djokovic’s barrister, Goran Ivanisevic – sorry, Nick Wood – says the 20-time major champion should be let loose on Melbourne’s streets, organic food shops, botanic gardens and blue hardcourts until the matter is finalised. Which obviously allows a game plan of an avalanche of appeals and adjournments so Djokovic can play the Open in the meantime. I don’t understand this theory. Surely if the case keeps being adjourned, Djokovic stays in detention. It’s not like he’s seeking to become a permanent resident. He only needs a few weeks to get what he wants.

The match of the summer starts at 10am. It’ll be nearly as colourful as Kyrgios versus Fabio Fognini at the Sydney Classic. Tennis Australia wants an immediate verdict as well a Panadol and a good lie down. “The tail won’t be wagging the dog here,” Judge Judy said last week. “If that means that your client needs to give evidence by (Microsoft) Teams, I will hear him. I doubt that his evidence will be controversial.”

You doubt the evidence will be controversial? Mate, you really don’t know your tennis. Central to the dispute is whether Djokovic is lying through his teeth to the Home Affairs Minister. We thought that was Lleyton Hewitt, but apparently not. Djokovic reckons he contracted Covid last month. It seems immaterial – a recent dose isn’t enough to get you in the country anyway, is it? Everything seems to hang on Djokovic’s claims that he tested positive to the virus on December 16.

Far be it for us to suggest his pants are on fire, but that was an awfully convenient date to get it. Two weeks could lapse and then he could fly to Australia, on his ill-fated Exemption Certificate, right on cue for his January of tennis. Just an incredible coincidence. The poor sod must have had a very quiet Christmas and New Year in isolation with his family at home. It was something of a yuletide miracle the Euroleague basketball competition wasn’t shut down because two days earlier, he sat courtside and wasn’t wearing a mask.

That couldn’t have been Djokovic testing positive and then hitting the celebrity circuit in the festive season. That couldn’t have been Djokovic at the December 16 function hosted by the Serbian National Postal Service to unveil a commemorative stamp in his honour. It couldn’t have been Djokovic who wrote on his Instagram:” An honour to receive my very own Serbian stamp. Thank you to my generous country for this rare gift! I’m humbled! Excited to share we’ll partner with the Serbian National Postal Service on @novakfoundation projects for every child to have the opportunity to attend preschool.”

Djokovic using his foundation to get disadvantaged kids into preschool is to be applauded from the rooftop of Rod Laver Arena. But mate, you reckon you had Covid at the time. On December 17, that couldn’t have been you at an awards ceremony at the Novak Tennis Centre in Belgrade, posing mask-less for photographs with children. That couldn’t have been you on December 18, doing a magazine photo shoot. On December 25, that couldn’t have been you playing tennis on a Belgrade street with Serbian kids. What a wonderful thing for a 20-time slam winner to do, to play Santa like that, but again, you reckon you had Covid at the time.

So, either Djokovic lied on his visa application or he was doing his level best to give the virus to the boss of the Serbian National Postal Service and assorted Serbian children. Perhaps he was trying to get Covid. Licking stamps and door handles in the belief a dose of it would get him into the Open. We’ll leave it to Judge Judy to decide but in the meantime, Djokovic’s brother, Djordje, has told Serbian media of his #detaineelife: “I think Novak went through all possible phases and moods. He was angry, unhappy, sad, perhaps laughing with irony. But he is peaceful now.” Angry. Unhappy. Sad. Ironic laughter. Peaceful in the end. Sounds like one of Djokovic’s matches. If he gets to play one.