Only fools and horses need Luc Longley’s help

Things we learnt this week. Thon Maker needs to make up his mind whether he is a basketballer or martial arts devotee. He should not, though, rule out the high jump. At a pinch the long jump. Nonetheless all four disciplines at the same time are beyond his technical ability as witnessed by his tryout, presumably for the Moscow Circus, in Monday’s Australia-Philippines basketball embarrassment.

Things learnt No 2: Australian basketball’s Chris Goulding now knows what it is like to be a racehorse. That’s when someone whom you hardly know jumps on to your back and, against your will, whacks you as hard as he can and as quickly and for as long as he can.

Things learnt No 3: Nobody messes with Luc Longley. Nobody.

Maker, of course, was the Australian basketballer wearing No 7 who high-kicked his way into and out of the brawl between the Australian and Filipino players last Monday in their World Cup qualifier at the Philippine Arena in Bulcan.

If nothing else, Maker, a very talented big man with the Milwaukee Bucks in the NBA, looked like a figure from an electronic game kicking his way across the screen but with very little direction control from the computer player. He was still kicking at a stairway support when Australian embassy staff found him to usher him into the safety of the team bus. He had kicked in the back of the bus by the time they reached the team hotel.

His explanation immediately after the incident made sense. He was trying to scissor kick his way through the hump of humanity that had brought Goulding and teammate Nathan Sobey to the ground and was laying into them. As flamboyant as his rescue mission was it is fair to say no Philippine player was close to meeting his or Australia’s Maker.

Not sure that was the feeling when Longley, an assistant coach of the Boomers, Australian legend and three-time NBA championship winner with Chicago Bulls, went to stop the thuggery being executed on the Australia pair. The guilty dispersed as quickly as ripples from the plopping of a large rock in a small pool.

No surprise. When he took his place on the court as centre for Australia or the Bulls he looked like the massive peak in a large mountain range plonked to guard the ring. First man to score points against Longley was a Sherpa.

It was Longley’s intimidating arrival at the core of the fight that brought an end to what some people have described as the worst scenes they have seen in sport. What happened last Monday was a humiliation to both Australia and the Philippines. The countries know that the sport’s ruling body FIBA (international federation of basketball) will burden teams and players with significant but appropriate penalties and on Thursday offered formal, joint apologies.

In all sport there are moments that can trigger tempers to the point that physical aggression follows. But players mostly seem to have an inherent buzzer that pulls them up well short of Monday’s frightening eruption and its acts of such grievous behaviour. It appears a specific substitute called by the Philippines was put on court to physically distract Goulding any way he wanted and for as long as he could. Thus Goulding was floored by a raised elbow from Philippine guard Roger Kogoy who in turn was struck by an elbow from Australian David Kickert. And all hell broke loose.

When the squad arrived back in Australia Longley addressed the media, knowing it was not how team officials wanted interviews handled. His comments clarified what had happened on Monday night.

“I do believe their coach Chot Reyes incited them to come out and thug us,” Longley said. “There’s video evidence of that.

“Then he substituted a thug out there who took three or four cheap swings at (Goulding). This is out of the party line but I’m most disturbed with their head coach. I think he was embarrassed by the way his team was playing. I think he was embarrassed by the shape they were in. I think he was embarrassed by how they fought … I’m upset with him more than anybody. To let his team take gangster selfies on the baseline after something like that, that shows a total lack of control and respect.”

Within two days Goulding would explain on Melbourne radio his thoughts as he was hunched on the floor. He says the multiple attacks came after he was kicked to the floor. “It wasn’t like I knew exactly what was happening, it happened from behind. I was on the ground and 10 to 15 people were on top of me with chairs and everything you can imagine,” Goulding said. “At that point in time, I wasn’t thinking I might lose my life, it was just literally protect the head and just wait it out.”

Sobey was attacked too.

“He (Sobey) knew what was going on and he tried to come and help and he had a chair thrown at him and then he was coward punched. It’s just something you never think you would experience. It felt like a hell of a long time,” Goulding said.

Which brings us back to the second fact learned this week. Sobey and Goulding, in particular, found themselves in the most vulnerable of positions best explained as likening it to riding racehorses. Remarkably, this week a comment by jockey Michael Walker went without comment. After being fined for not riding a mount out to the line last weekend Walker told chief steward Terry Bailey: “I’ll just cut every single horse in half from now on.”

Walker breaks no rules as long as he does not hit the horse more than five times before the last 100 metres of any race. From that point jockeys can whack a horse with the whip as many times as they can. The racing industry, straight-faced, says it does not inflict pain on the horses, only encouragement.

Horses desperately need a Luc Longley.