NRL has put pieces in place, the season now rests on the players

Melbourne Storm’s Cameron Smith arrives at AAMI Park for a briefing session on Monday. Picture: AAP

An entire colony of flirtatious bunnies can escape from the Playboy Mansion and knock on Nathan Cleary’s door … and he has to tell them he’s not in the mood.

Latrell “Can’t Turn The Boys Down” Mitchell can be invited to the greatest hootin’, tootin’, gun-shootin’ getaway up the coast … and he has to turn the boys down.

Josh “I’m Sorry From The Bottom Of My Heart” Addo-Carr will have been speaking from the heart of his bottom if he stuffs up again. As of Monday, actions spoke louder than words in the NRL.

May the fourth be with them. Because one dunderhead move from one dunderhead player will make the May 28 relaunch crash and burn. You don’t want to be the player responsible for killing the comp.

NZ Warriors coach Stephen Kearney says: “I made it pretty clear to our group this morning – there’s a lot at stake here. We’re not talking about one footy club. We’re talking about the competition. When you say the competition — we’ve got 50 people here. The players, the staff, they all have families. You times that by another 15 clubs, there’s a lot at stake. You’ve just got to do the right thing. It’s not that hard. Be smart and do the right thing and get our game back up.’’

Brisbane coach Anthony Seibold is right when he says this could be the most memorable premiership of all. The COVID-19 championship. Victory in the year of the virus. The premiers will have overcome a global pandemic, isolation, social distancing, the horrors of TikTok.

“Whoever becomes the premiers this year will be remembered for a long, long time,” Seibold says. “It’s going to be the most intense competition because we don’t normally play 18 games straight. It’s less than ideal circumstances. It’s unprecedented. It’s going to be a premiership to remember for the club that holds the trophy aloft.”

Everything was laid bare on Monday. A crash course in coronavirus. COVID-19 for dummies. Ramifications of ignoring the rules were rammed down their throats. It was made clear that one mistake from one nincompoop would ruin the competition, ruin the governing body, ruin clubs, ruin livelihoods, ruin everything, ruin everyone. One ill-considered move, as committed by Clearly, Mitchell and Addo-Carr last week, would be inexcusable and ruinous.

Titans players turn up for their team briefing at the club’s high performance centre on the Gold Coast. Picture: Getty Images

When players at all 16 clubs were drilled on the protocols and biosecurity measures that must be adhered to, it was a wonder the NRL didn’t clamp the players’ eyes open and adopt the sort of “behavioural modification therapy” last seen in A Clockwork Orange. A quick blast of the Ludovico Technique might whip them in to shape. Between now and May 28 … it’s no time for droogs.

It was one thing for Cleary to accept a visit from his bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, TikTok-minded harem. Who could blame a young bloke for crumbling like James Bond to a collection of Holly Goodheads? But when he offered to tell all on national television, only to utter porky pies, he lost every brownie point he ever earned. The golden rule for handling scandals — tell the truth, or someone else will tell it for you.

Players will hit the training paddock in various states of fitness A few flint-hard warriors. A few fatty boombahs. Not every player has been working their butts off. A few of them will have been putting more kilos on their butts; others will have been wasting away.

Kearney says: “We’ll get a good look at them on Tuesday when we are allowed to run. I’m confident they will be in good shape by May 28. But looking at some of them, some of them haven’t been doing the bigger weights. I can see the muscle mass has dropped. It will mean a lot of hard work.’’ The Warriors are right. They will be the greatest story in sport if they win the comp. Unfortunately, they’re second last. Winning a game will be a start. Every press conference with an NRL coach finishes with, any injuries? Kearney has been asked the same. He’s replied: “They’ve been locked down for five weeks. They wouldn’t want to have any injuries. Jeez!”