League players facing the mother of all lockdowns

The rules dictating what NRL players can do on Mother’s Day are in a league of their own.

New Zealand Warriors players train in isolation at Tamworth’s Scully Park. The players had to receive special dispensation from Border Force to fly in. Picture: Getty Images

G’day, mum! Happy Mother’s Day! Hey, sorry for the phone call. We just need to run though a few quick biosecurity measures before I can visit you, mum. I know, I know — this isn’t your ideal Mother’s Day. But V’landys is a stickler for this stuff, mum. If you answer yes to any of these questions, I can’t come and see you, okay, mum? Yes, mum. It’s a Mother’s Day massacre, mum.

We’ve got to get the game back on the park, mum. Project Apollo needs you, mum. Right. Here we go, mum. Do you have the COVIDSafe app installed on your phone? Yes? Good stuff, mum! Because we can’t get together ­unless you do. Now look, mum, Thanks for bringing me into the world and all that stuff, but I need to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the following. Your time starts now, mum.

Got a sore throat, mum? Got a ticklish throat, mum? Got a scratchy throat, mum? A runny nose? A shortness of breath, mum? Difficulty in breathing? Mum, do you have any pain upon swallowing? You’re finding all this a bit hard to swallow? Good one, mum. Mum, have you had contact with anyone with COVID-19? Had the chills? Not until now? Fair enough. Mum, are you showing any signs at all of any illness? You’re only sick of these questions? You’re on fire, mum! This is serious, though, mum. You’re sniffles could kill the NRL. Any generalised muscle aches or pains you haven’t had before? Any headaches, mum? Any loss of taste or smell, mum? You’re finding this distasteful? Understood! Mum, um, I hate to ask, but … any vomiting or stomach cramps ­lately? Any diarrhoea, mum? Any gastro? Hello …? Mum …?

All your answers are a no? Great! See you soon, mum!

That’s the possible scenario facing NRL players on Mother’s Day. Strict controls are in place under the biosecurity measures now in force. Mothers who don’t live with their son will have to answer the above questions from him before a visit is allowed. If mum is crook, if she’s showing any signs of COVID-19, she will be sent home from training, so to speak. If a visit goes ahead, it has to be quick. Players are yet to learn if they can kiss her on the cheek or give her a hug. A Mother’s Day without a loving embrace? It’s an emotional massacre.

The NRL has been bombarded with questions from players after Monday’s biosecurity measures were laid out. Hundreds of them. Among the queries was, can we get a haircut? You would hope so, lest hundreds of long-haired louts start running around. Then again, it may be a welcome return of the mullet. Storm captain Cam Smith must be under the impression he is not allowed to shave. He has reported to club duty looking like Hugh Jackman in Wolverine. His club was homeless as of Tuesday, and he looked like he had been living rough himself. One player wanted to know if he could work an outside job to supplement his slashed income. The answer? ­Unlikely.

Players were told they could not see partners who did not live with them. One of the biggest relationship questions of all — should we move in together? — might need to be rushed through. Any Mother’s Day get-togethers will be a one-off event. Players cannot visit them at any other time.

Canberra halfback Sam Williams said of his club’s biosecurity briefing: “It was pretty intense, to be fair. A lot of questions. One of them was, can we go and get a ­coffee? Even that was pretty well knocked on the head. We’re pretty much going to training and then turning round and going home. The restrictions we’re on are even tougher than what we’ve been on for the past five or six weeks. As other people are coming out of the lockdown … we’re stricter than we were.”

Williams told Big Sports Breakfast: “There were a lot of questions. Can we see loved ones? Can we see family members? Pretty well the answer was no. In terms of partners who aren’t living with you, I don’t think we can go and see them. They have to move in with you, where it’s been quarantined. Or we won’t be able to see them. That was my understanding. One of the questions came from one of the young players, a young bloke who lives with his dad. His mum is in a separate house. His question was, can he see her? The answer was no. He can’t see her.”

Additional reporting: Brent Read