FIFA orders Luis Rubiales to stay away from Jenni Hermoso whom he kissed on the mouth
World football’s condemnation of Luis Rubiales has finally been heard by its governing body and his deluded excuses for kissing a female player should be given short shrift.
I’ve kissed my daughters. I’ve kissed women in lust. I know the difference. Luis Rubiales is even more deluded than previously thought if he claims to have puckered up to Jenni Hermoso in the manner of a father lovingly embracing a grown-up child.
Creep. He was carrying on like a pork chop before he hugged and slobbered on Hermoso. I’d never heard of him, never seen him, had no idea who he was before the World Cup presentation. When the dignitaries walked to the podium, I thought, who’s the bald bloke behaving like a bit of a git? Creepy Luis was walking across Stadium Australia like he was a player, pumping his fists at the sky, arching his back and roaring to the moon, pelvic-thrusting like young Elvis in Vegas, trying too hard and inappropriately to get attention. He kept gesticulating at the Spanish players, who cringed and looked the other way. Few things are more lame than officials carrying on like athletes in a team’s moment of victory. I remember thinking, mate, whoever you are, it’s not about you.
Footage emerged of creep Luis grabbing his crotch when Spain won. Now, in the great moments of my daughters’ lives, I’ve never felt inclined to honour the moment by embracing the crown jewels. Let’s cut through the rubbish – everything creepy Luis did that night had sexual undertones. He kissed Hermoso like it was 3am at a nightclub and the last song was playing.
What a rotten way to finish the Cup. With a reminder that lowbrow blokes like this still think of women like that. Gross. When you kiss a daughter in the good times, you peck her quickly on the cheek. It’s lighthearted and fun and over in a flash. When you kiss a daughter in times of distress or challenge, you might kiss her on the forehead, which somehow feels more deep and meaningful, but it’s still quick and then you give her a hug. When you kiss a woman in lust, you grab her like creepy Luis grabbed Hermoso. With immediacy and urgency. Who cares who’s watching. Who cares where you are. Nothing is more important and all-consuming in that moment. When the feeling’s mutual, great. Go for your life, lovers. When a kiss on the mouth isn't’ consensual and clearly at the wrong time and the wrong place like, oh, I don’t know, the presentation of a Women’s World Cup final promoting respect and values, you’re just being an arrogant, narcissistic sleaze and the woman should at the very least, push you away and scream a line from Gorgeous George: “Get your filthy hands off me!”
Now FIFA’s Disciplinary Committee has suspended creepy Luis for 90 days and ordered, “Mr. Luis Rubiales to refrain, through himself or third parties, from contacting or attempting to contact the professional player of the Spanish national football team Ms. Jennifer Hermoso or her close environment. The FIFA Disciplinary Committee will not provide any further information on these disciplinary proceedings until a final decision has been taken. FIFA reiterates its absolute commitment to respect the integrity of all persons and therefore condemns with the utmost vigour any behaviour to the contrary.”
Here’s the trouble with Rubiales. His mouth. Every time he uses it, he makes a goose of thyself. He shouted at an emergency meeting of the Spanish federation, “I will not resign! I will not resign! I will not resign! A consensual ‘peck’ is enough to get me out of here? I will fight until the end.” He was applauded by a group of dingbat blokes, reportedly including Spanish coach Jorge Vilde. Creepy Luis said the kiss was “mutual, euphoric and consensual.” He claimed Hermoso agreed to it. He reckons his approach to Hermoso mirrored Aersomith singing Walk This Way. Just a little kiss? Like this? He reckons she said OK, scooped him up in her loving arms and puckered up right back at him. “She was the one who lifted me in her arms and brought me close to her body,” he said.
How romantic. It’s practically Love, Actually all over again. But then you need a bucket when he adds: “The kiss was the same I could give one of my daughters.”
He has three of them. Hermoso responded by saying she felt “vulnerable and the victim of an assault … I want to clarify that, as was seen in the images, at no time did I consent to the kiss he gave me and, of course, in no case did I seek to lift the president. I do not tolerate that my word is questioned and much less that words that I have not said are invented.”
At no time did I seek to lift the president. I thought that was Marilyn Monroe? I mean, it’d be funny if it wasn‘t so slimy. There’s a photograph with creepy Luis off the ground. I reckon he’s jumped a little while throwing his leg over. Now 81 Spanish players have gone on strike unless he’s removed. He’s crying about a “witch hunt” from “false feminists” and threatens to sue anyone who defames him. The poor bloke must be shattered to be treated so crudely.
Luis, Luis. Oh, man. You’ve gotta go. England players have released a statement supporting Hermoso: “Unacceptable actions allowed to happen by a sexist and patriarchal organisation. Abuse is abuse and we have all seen the truth. The behaviour of those who think they are invincible must not be tolerated and people shouldn’t need convincing to take action against any form of harassment.”
Spain’s entire coaching staff has quit – except head coach Jorge Vilde, who the players have been trying to get sacked for a year. When Rubiales shouted five times that he would not resign, among those applauding was Vilde. The Spanish federation is threatening to sue Hermoso, who will never play for Spain again if Rubiales keeps his job. “I didn’t like it,” she said in an Instagram Live post straight after the match. “What could I do?”
Vilde kept his own trap shut until footage was released of him cheering for Rubiales. Then he released a statement. “The events that have taken place since Spain won the Women’s World Cup for the first time in its history … have been a real nonsense and have generated an unprecedented situation, tarnishing a deserved triumph of our players and our country,” he said. “I deeply regret that the victory of Spanish women’s football has been harmed by the inappropriate behaviour that our until now president, Luis Rubiales, has carried out and that he himself has acknowledged.”
The real nonsense was that statement. When and where has creepy Luis acknowledged his behaviour was inappropriate? And one more question I cannot get out of my thinking. How’d this mob win the World Cup?
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