Life is just a little more boring after Tour’s hostess call

Australian sprinter Caleb Ewan celebrates on the podium after winning Stage 21 of the Tour de France last year Picture: Getty Images

Boring. The world has become a little more boring. Again.

Certain societal shockers have to be stamped out. Idiots on social media. Idiots in general, if that’s possible? Racists. Homophobes. Haters. Graters. All-round miserable sods who get their all-round miserableness and bile published on social media without so much as a single sub-editor suggesting, um, mate, I’m not sure about your lead?

But to ban two gorgeous, glamorous, lipstick-wearing, to-die-for hostesses from kissing a Tour de France winner on the cheek is the biggest load of nonsense since Formula One ditched its grid girls. Le Tour’s lost some of its Frenchness after caving in to the screeching protests of sexism.

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You win the Tour, you step onto the podium, the hostesses du Tour, those smoking hotties, pucker up and plant one on your cheek. You may get a gentle hand on the stomach. Oh-la-la! A touch on the arm, a blushing smile. No-one is holding a gun to the heads of these women, who earn a quid by being models, by looking like goddesses, by doing nothing more risqué than they would for a magazine shoot.

They’re immaculately dressed. They get to wear nice shoes. The joys of life! None of them are peeved to be doing it. None of them are thinking, I cannot believe you’re making me do this. Because no-one is making them do it.

But now the Tour has gone all shy and will have only one hostess. Also on the stage will be a host. A male. May we ask, what’s the bloke going to do? What’s he going to look like? Another good sort? We can assume he won’t be a Mick Molloy.

His role will be what? To give the winner a kiss, too? To shake his hand? It’s ludicrous, caving in to those who reckon it’s sexist, who shake their fists and say women are more than objects of desire. No-one is disputing that. But some women are spectacularly beautiful. Why can’t we celebrate that? Why can’t we let them celebrate it?

Colombia's Nairo Quintana celebrates his victory on the podium of the 18th stage of the Tour de France Picture: AFP

Let them be as feminine and free as they want to be. Never at a Tour presentation has a hostess been pushed forward with and an order of, kiss him. It’s frivolous and fun.

Tour de France director Christian Prudhomme said at a press conference on Wednesday: “You used to see the champion surrounded by two hostesses, with five elected officials on one side and five representatives of the partners on the other,” Prudhomme said. “Now, it will be different, with only one elected official and one representative of the partner of the yellow jersey, as well as a hostess and a host for the first time. Yes, it’s new,” Prudhomme said.

A petition against the hostesses last year said “women are not objects nor rewards.” Boring. Anyone ask the hostesses? It gathered 38,000 signatures. Formula One ditched “grid girls” in 2018. Boring. Boxing and the UFC still use ring girls to carry a placard across the canvas before each round.

Before Rob Whittaker’s fight against Yoel Romero in Chicago in 2018, a ring girl parked herself next to the media bench. She scrubbed up all right. She was beaming. I inquired about her level of job satisfaction. She grinned, “I love doing this!” She said in the real world, people frowned if she flaunted her femininity. But here, round-by-round, she got to do it.

Prudhomme did not reveal the role of the podium bloke, nor whether the lone hostess would be distributing a kiss. You would think COVID-19 would have put paid to that. Maybe they could just swap telephone numbers?

Stage winner Arnaud Demare celebrates with an official on the podium after the second stage of the Tour De Wallonie this week Picture: AFP

Sadly, that’s the sort of joke that gets one in trouble.

In some areas, we need to toughen up. In others, lighten up. Hostesses were harmless and fun. What next? Chorus girls at the Lido de Paris cabaret being halved in number to allow chorus boys?

If Tour hostesses with the mostesses was such a sexist issue, you would ditch them altogether. They harmed no-one. They felt unharmed. To still have one is, well, to still have one. If it was exist before, it’s still sexist now. Nothing has changed, so nothing should have changed. They’ve kissed some joy and oh-so-French flair goodbye.