Why Marcus Harris isn’t the right fit to open for Australian Dad’s Army

The combined age of Ray Illingworth’s ‘Dad’s Army’ England tourists in 1970? Younger than Pat Cummins’ Australians will be against India next month. Which is just another reason why Marcus Harris is the wrong option to replace Dave Warner.

Marcus Harris of Victoria bats during the Sheffield Shield match against NSW at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, on Sunday. Picture: Robert Prezioso/Getty Images

Marcus Harris waddles on to the MCG. Drops anchor. Pokes. Prods. Nudges. Pushes. Bats for a couple of hours. Faces a lot of balls. Doesn’t make many runs. Does nothing to suggest he’s the bloke to replace dashing Dave Warner for the first Test against India.

Harris is the wrong fit for the next Australian XI. Not the least because he’s 32 years of age. Consider this. When Ray Illingworth’s England was mocked in 1970 as Dad’s Army, supposedly too old for international cricket, more suited to afternoon naps than Ashes combat, his first Test side had a collective age of 338 years. Pat Cummins’ Australians are a collective 332 years – and the final player hasn’t even been picked yet. Unless they pull a true selection bombshell and pick a five-year-old – if he’s good enough, he’s old enough! – Cummins and his mates will be older than Dad’s Army.

Regardless, Harris is one of four contenders to join the 37-year-old Usman Khawaja atop the Australian order. He has two games to convince us he’s not a Test dud. Which is a complicated task because he’s already received the honour and opportunity of 14 Australian appearances … for an average you don’t like to mention in polite company. Twenty-five. Gasp. As an average, that’s incredibly average. A dud.

Mitchell Starc of NSW celebrates the wicket of Marcus Harris. Picture: Robert Prezioso/Getty Images

Standing at short leg during his audition in the Sheffield Shield on Sunday was kid dynamite, the NSW teenager Sam Konstas. Harris, the 31-year-old Cam Bancroft, the 28-year-old Matt Renshaw or the 19-year-old kid dynamite will open against India in Perth from November 22. A more uppity Test contender than Konstas might have sledged his rival. You’ve got nothing, Harris. How can you play 14 Tests and not make a hundred? I sneeze and average 25. You know the drill, mate. I’m from NSW. They gave me a baggy green in a brown paper bag on the day I got my baggy blue.

Konstas didn’t make a peep – and nor did Harris’s bat.

His 89-ball, 134-minute knock of 26 wasn’t completely without merit. He hung around until after lunch against a bullish, high-quality attack. Mitchell Starc was hitting stride like Ceolwulf winning the King Charles III Stakes. Sean Abbott had the ball swinging like it was London in the 1960s. Jackson Bird hammered away with a metronomic precision. Nathan Lyon plonked down the sort of probing offies that have captured 530 Test wickets. And so you doffed your cap to Harris for hanging tough for a couple of hours, and at least he powered past 25, and yet it wasn’t nearly enough.

Anyway, a Test top three of Harris, Khawaja and Marnus Labuschagne lacks agreeable chemistry. If we put ourselves in the position of a national selector, a veritable national pastime, you don’t want to replace a dasher like Warner with a dawdler. Khawaja takes his sweet time to get moving. So does Labuschagne. None of the prospective new openers will go bonkers, a la Warner, and smoke a few over the fence before drinks. Or go cartwheeling towards a hundred before lunch. They’re all capable of bat-tening down the hatches, which isn’t ideal. Harris is the least gung-ho candidate and, for that reason alone, he’s the wrong option. Only Geoffrey Boycott salutes slow opening partnerships in the modern era. The rest of us are sound asleep midway through the second session.

Sean Abbott celebrates taking the wicket of Ashley Chandrasinghe. Picture: Robert Prezioso/Getty Images

Of course, Harris is an extremely accomplished cricketer. He’s unflappable. He’s played 14 Tests, which is 14 more than most of us. He’s a great servant for Victoria. But Dad’s Army doesn’t need another seasoned veteran. Just for openers, this should count against Bancroft. It’s time to blood the young cadets.

Other impressions from a great and grinding day of red-ball cricket at the MCG? Starc (1-35) was quite magnificent in his first trundle of the season. Fast, accurate, getting the new ball to swerve. Test discard Peter Handscomb batted beautifully for 64. The pick of the bowlers was Abbott. Inswinger after inswinger. Outswinger after outswinger. Zinger after zinger. He charged in. Luckless for two sessions. Must’ve rubbed Lyon’s bald head for some good luck. Jagged belated wickets to take 5-50.

Sent in, the Vics poked, prodded, nudged, pushed and made a late flurry to be 9-259 at stumps.