New Zealand’s cricket team proves that nice guys can finish first

An infamous comment from the cultural review into Australian cricket that has dated very quickly.

New Zealand's James Neesham hits a six against England Picture: AFP

“How are they going”? It’s the infamous retort delivered by an anonymous player when it was pointed out during the cultural review into Australian cricket that Kiwis don’t go in for that mental disintegration business.

The simple inference: Nice guys finish last.

So how are they going? Well, they’re the inaugural winners of the World Test Championship, got dudded in the final of the 50-over World Cup and are through to the final of the T20 World Cup.

How are they going? Pretty chilled, eh bro?

It’s like having a little brother who is good at everything. And he’s nice to boot. Every time you’re dragged to the principal’s office you hear the words you’ve heard all your god-damn strife-torn life from disappointed parents and neighbours and teachers and girlfriends: “why can’t you be more like your little brother?”.

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They’re the Ned Flanders of sport. The nice guys who didn’t finish last. Handsome, wholesome and high achieving. It’s enough to give you the shuts.

You know there’s a brewery called Nice Guys who make a drop called Kiwi Lager? Meanwhile Melbourne, Sydney, Ballarat and Victoria are and always have been bitter.

It might be a national stereotype promoted cleverly in comedy by programs like Flight of the Concords and Wellington Paranormal, but it finds expression in real life.

There was an anti-vax protest outside the Kiwi parliament on Wednesday where the not-so-angry mob knocked down the barrier keeping them away from the steps of the building.

You know what happened next? The protesters picked the barrier up and put it back in place. It would surprise nobody if they apologised for causing a ruckus.

The NZ approach got up Brad Haddin’s nose in the 2015 World Cup (where the nice guys finished second) and he gave them a gob full in the final. Later he explained why he was so annoyed.

“They were that nice to us in New Zealand and we were that uncomfortable,” Haddin said at the time. “I said in the team meeting: ‘I can’t stand for this any more. We’re going at them as hard as we can.’

“It was that uncomfortable. All they were was nice to us for seven days.”

Haddin and his attitude were widely condemned at the time but the Kiwi’s were understanding and don’t hold it against him.

The Kiwis defeat of England in the semi-final of the T20 World Cup was something of an upset but justice after what happened in 2019. The centimetres went their way this time. Twice incredible efforts on the boundary resulted in sixes when similar events two years before at Lord’s in the 50-over final fell the other way.

They’ve made the most of a limited gene pool these Kiwis, repurposing the son of a rugby coach into a cricket star.

Until Thursday morning Daryl ‘Moose ‘Mitchell was known as “son of” former All Blacks coach and recently departed England defensive coach John Mitchell.

New Zealand's Daryl Mitchell anchored his team’s run chase against England Picture: AFP

The 30-year-old only started appearing in the national team in recent years. Renowned for his hitting in domestic cricket they bumped him up to the top of the order for this tournament aware that it was a gamble, but it was one that paid off in the critical semi-final.

Devon Conway, the make shift opener, was solid for 46 off 38 balls, but it was James Neesham’s powerful 27 off 11 that did the damage.

England found themselves a bowler or two short in the final. Ben Stokes is preparing for the Ashes, Jofra Archer the hero of the 50 over World Cup is injured and Tymal Mills broke down during the tournament.

Still, when they had their opponents 4-110 at the end of the 16th and needing 57 from 24 balls odds were in the old country’s favour.

Chris Jordan will remember the 17th over for a long time. It was this moment that cost his country a place in the final.

Neesham’s six off the first ball provoked a nervous response as the bowler served up two wides, two leg byes and a boundary across the next four deliveries.

New Zealand took 23 runs in that over and it was almost over. Adil Rashid got Neesham and conceded 14 in the 18th but 20 runs from the 19th which was bowled by Chris Woakes sealed the deal.

Kane Williamson was “chuffed” by his side’s efforts.

“I knew it was going to be a great game of cricket and that proved to be the case,” said Williamson.

“It ebbed and flowed, as they often do when we go against each other, but I’m really chuffed with the heart shown through the performance.

“I suppose we were (struggling) a little bit but T20 cricket is a game of small margins and we’ve seen that through the whole tournament.”