Australian cricket needs to eat its humble pie

The Australian Test team is a good side but it has stagnated and is need of a spark.

The defeated Australian team leave the field after losing the Border-Gavaskar Trophy to India at the Gabba Picture: Getty Images

In The Test, that splendid wardrobe account of the Australian cricket team’s rebuilding in the 18 months after Sandpapergate, one briefly sees on a video screen a list for the players headed “Our Expectations”.

At this early stage of the joint ticket of coach Justin Langer and captain Tim Paine, the essence of recovery has been distilled to five points: Elite Professionalism, Elite Honesty, Elite Mateship, Elite Humility and Elite Learning.

I know – funny, right? But let’s ignore for a moment that “elite” is something that generally nobody wants to be these days, except maybe in sport. “Elite? Moi?”

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Let’s ignore the implication that cricketers somehow have access to a higher-quality honesty etc than the rest of us poor plebs. Think you’re honest? Sorry pal, your average honesty is no match for our world-class version.

Oh, and let’s overlook the delicious oxymoron of “elite humility”, which sounds like it was originated by Uriah Heap.

So discounting for the inflationary tendencies of sporting language – full of Big this, Super that, 1000 per cent the other – that leaves a simple template. On the evidence of this summer, how does the Australian team measure up in the stakes of professionalism, honesty, mateship, learning and humility?

In professional terms, you’d have to agree that they measure up well. This is a well-behaved team off the field – exceptionally so. Their injury record, constituted by availability, suggests that they are fit and dedicated. Their disciplinary record, measured by code of conduct violations, is perfectly respectable.

Honesty and mateship? From outside, of course, they’re anyone’s guess, although you don’t have to be a philologist to realise that these are qualities in tension. Honesty requires a certain independence of thought; mateship implies a falling in step with the prevailing view for the sake of unity. What actually gets debated in the Australian dressing room? Is anyone questioning the status quo?

Because Australia settled this summer into some very predictable patterns. It was, basically, the same players, day-in, day-out. Matthew Wade batted as if expecting a pardon from Donald Trump; Joe Burns had to play to the brink of a nervous breakdown before he lost his place.

Every match an identical attack: even the selection of Cameron Green, introducing another 200cm guy bowling at 140kmh, felt a bit like a formula was being followed. Plus Nathan Lyon, dependably tight but ever more limited.

All managed by Tim Paine, wrestling with the triple burden of keeper/batsman/captain, generally with two slips rather than three and a deep point for pace, usually with long fielders for spin. Even the banter was unoriginal, Paine’s “nobody-likes-you” to Ravi Ashwin being just a stale version of the “nobody-likes-Kohli” to Murali Vijay two years ago.

The stump mics told a bit of a tale, no? Wade saying “I like it” as Lyon spun a ball two feet wide of leg stump would have caused club cricketers to scoff. As for “I can’t wait to get you to the Gabba”, well, karma … …

Maybe 36 all out in Adelaide, if not an Indian rope-a-dope, played on players’ minds – rather than the event being an instance of everything getting nicked and everything sticking, it reinforced the assumption that all must kneel before “the plan”.

Maybe the biosecure environment conduced to a monotony of message; maybe the absence of Kohli removed some of the contest’s spark: in Melbourne, the Australians were as listless and apathetic as I have ever seen them.

Learning is what should interest us most of all. As the projection in The Test elaborates: “I get out of bed every morning looking to get better.”

Yet what proportion of this Australian team could be said to be better cricketers than a year ago? Charitably, a few could be said to have maintained their standards. The bulk are a year older, barely wiser, and not being challenged from below by a first-class system that is dormant most of the season.

Coach Justin Langer, a most likeable man, cannot be faulted for his dedication or commitment. But just over half way through a four-year contract, he is doing the same job as he started with, across all three formats.

As coach of Western Australia, Langer achieved excellent short-term results that seemed after a while to plateau. He excelled with the Scorchers, by the shrewd expedient of keeping his state squad together; the Warriors have still not won a Sheffield Shield since 1998-99.

Langer did sterling work in England in 2019 when aided and abetted by Ricky Ponting and Steve Waugh. Perhaps he is suffering now from what in politics are called the “mid-term blues”, insularity accentuated by this season’s biosecure conditions – it’s pretty hard to introduce new voices to a quarantine bubble.

Paine’s captaincy, meanwhile, has now bought Cricket Australia three years, of which the organisation, rather sunk in its own travails, has made precious little use. Three years and the best candidate for captaincy is ….wait for it ….Tim Paine.

Pat Cummins is the incumbent vice-captain, after dabblings with Josh Hazlewood, Mitch Marsh and Travis Head. Steve Smith has noisy boosters, albeit that he seems no more broad of developed than three years ago. Arguably the most instinctive and creative leader is Australian ranks is David Warner, who is, of course, disbarred from such roles. A pity.

Cricket in this country struggles sometimes to see victory and defeat, especially at home, in proper proportion. Ten years ago, Ashes defeat inspired the technocratic tinkering of the Argus Review, rebuilding Australian cricket one management diagram at a time.

We may now be simultaneously overreacting to defeat (“Sack the captain!”), underreacting (“We’re 25 million, they’re 1.3 billion”), and wildly generalising (“They’re arrogant!”; “They’re too nice!”; “They’re too rich!”; “They’re too woke!”). A simple summation is best: Australia is a good team drifting, in need of an energising spark. To deal with that, maybe consult that screen again. Remember “humility”? Let’s have some. Doesn’t need to be elite. Just humility will do.