Berrick’s bush bash pays dividends

Former Wallaby Berrick Barnes’s return to bush footy has paid big dividends in his new home of Lennox Head, with his team into Saturday’s grand final.

Former Wallabies five-eighth Berrick Barnes in action for Lennox Head

Former Wallaby Berrick Barnes’s return to bush footy has paid big dividends in his new home of Lennox Head, with his team into Saturday’s grand final of the Far North Coast Rugby Union first grade competition.

As revealed by AWAAT earlier in the year, having pulled the pin on his career in Japan, Barnes decided to put down roots in the northern NSW surf town and pull on the No 10 jersey for the Trojans.

They’ve been going great guns ever since and secured their place in the grand final at Lismore’s Crozier Field with a 42-15 thumping of the Ballina Seahorses in the semi-finals. Barnes scored a try and looked after the goalkicking.

In the grand final, the Trojans will come up against the Wollongbar Alstonville Pioneers, who also defeated Ballina in a preliminary final last weekend — a match described by AWAAT’s correspondent, known only as Big H, as “the best game of local rugby ever played on the Far North Coast”. Barnes will need to be on his toes.

Fast work in lane four

When sprinter Melissa Breen broke Melinda Gainsford-Taylor’s 20-year-old national 100m record in 2014, she did so from lane four at the AIS track in Canberra.

She clocked 11.11 seconds in her heat of the ACT championships that day and, ever since, lane four has held a special place in her heart.

So much so that long-time partner and coach Matt Beckenham chose lane four to propose to her on Wednesday.

She said yes so now Australia’s fastest woman, now retired from sprinting, and Queanbeyan’s fastest man — Beckenham ran the 400m hurdles at the 2000 Sydney Olympics — are to be joined in matrimony.

“Lane 4, 9 February 2014 has now been overtaken by Lane 4, 16 September 2020,” Breen announced on Facebook.

Matt Beckenham proposes to Melissa Breen in lane 4

Deano the inside man

If there is a worse cricket destination to be at the moment than Melbourne it is probably Mumbai. That is where Dean Jones has found himself as he resumes his usual Indian Premier League commentary duties for local television network Star Sports.

While the IPL has decamped from COVID-infested India for the United Arab Emirates, Jones has instead bunkered down in the Indian metropolis where he will call the games.

The swanky Trident Hotel is his home for the next two months, so why so bad? Because it sounds more like a prison than a luxury resort as the city reports daily COVID cases in the thousands.

We are hearing that not only are the commentators locked in for two months, they are not allowed to leave their floor. Accordingly Star Sports booked out the entire level for the tournament’s duration.

There is no access to the gym, nor the pool. A snitzel costs a whopping $42 but worse still, it doesn’t come with a schooner. The bar is closed.

No place to hide

Tennis is usually the only sport where clothing is a hot topic of conversation. For a start, there are no uniforms. But when fans only have two players to look at, sometimes for hours on end, there’s really not much else to talk about.

The obsession with Rafael Nadal’s towel habits on Friday (COVID restrictions between players and ballkids mean he puts his own towel in each corner of the court) will never be replicated elsewhere. But for once we can turn to golf for some sartorial satisfaction.

The only thing worse than English golfer Tommy Fleetwood’s first round at the US Open on Friday was his shirt. The British press have hammered him for stepping out in a red-and-white striped polo that inspired a million mirthful “Where’s Wally” comments.

Tommy Fleetwood does his best Where’s Wally impersonation

After shooting four-over at the notoriously challenging Winged Foot layout, Fleetwood wishes he could blend in with the gallery. Sadly, there are none at this tournament.

The only other clothing conversation to match it this week came via former Dragons player and long-time NRL head coach Matthew Elliott, who lifted the lid on the infamous torpedo shorts every St George player wore during the early 1990s.

They were the only team to do so, with then-Dragons coach Brian Smith convinced they would prevent injuries, while fans from every other rival club could only giggle at them.

Elliott told The Matty Johns Show on Thursday night that all the shorts managed to do was make Dragons players huge targets for opposition sledging.

Oh, and they were promised $150 for each game they wore them. Those cheques are still in the mail, apparently.

Noonan back on bag

If the name Noonan means nothing to you, move along. If you’ve ever tried to spook your opponent/mate/boss as they attempted a putt/kick/serve by yelling “Nnnnnoonan! Nnnnnoonan!” you’ll love this.

Michael O’Keefe, the actor who played Danny Noonan in the 1980 comedy classic Caddyshack, has reprised the role at this week’s US Open, caddying for American golfer Danny Balin during the practice rounds at the notorious Winged Foot Golf Club.

The Academy Award nominee grew up in Larchmont, New York, not far from Winged Foot, and worked as a caddie there before going into acting.

“I try to take this somewhat serious, so I would never do this during a tournament round,” Balin told the New York Post.

“But I was like: ‘Yeah, this will be cool. Danny Noonan. Monday and Tuesday’. It’ll be a fun couple of days. It’ll lighten the mood up.”

O’Keefe revealed this week he had trained for his role in Caddy­shack — which included a key scene where he goes from caddie to player — by playing the tough Winged Foot layout.

Actor Michael O'Keefe, left, caddies for Danny Balin at Winged Foot Golf Club

BC’s tip of the week

Brendan Cormick says, “forgive and forget when they fail in the wet”.

At Caulfield (Race 5 No 4) Fascino is a group performer whose form on good-3 to soft-5-rated tracks sees her among the best credentialled in this field. Overs at $12. Bet responsibly but have a good each-way bet.

“The prospect of firm going at Randwick tips the balance in favour of (Race 6 No 1) Avilius steaming over the top of the favourite Verry Elleegant and Dreamforce — just as he did in this race last year.”

mcloughlins@
theaustralian.com.au