What if the plague never ends? What if we’re in this infernal, eternal cycle of flattening the curve only for it to keep climbing off the canvas and thumping us again?
What if COVID-19 forever pulls golfers out of tournaments, cancels AFL matches, makes us sign a piece of paper every time we sit down for a cuppa? What if this drawn-out, painstaking wait for normality IS normality? What if the virus is as entrenched in our daily lives as the air we breathe?
An AFL match was postponed on Sunday because a player tested positive. It could happen just as easily in grand final week. Then what?
If the carrier of the virus was in the NRL, the reaction would have amounted to this. You imbeciles! You good-for-nothing, idiotic, irresponsible buffoons! You’ll kill us all! The only shock with Conor McKenna’s positive test, and the postponement of the Essendon-Melbourne match — an unfathomable prospect, pre-plague — was that it wasn’t especially shocking.
Multiple parts of life have been cancelled or delayed. Movie dates. Punting on the NBA. Roosters versus Bulldogs in the NRL. Just another amendment to the schedule.
McKenna was out of action … unless they paired him with Nick Watney for the final few rounds of the RBC Heritage golf tournament on the US PGA Tour. When Watney had a tube stuck up a nostril by testers, and what a bloody horrible thing those tests would seem to be, they found more than bogeys.
In order to avoid cancelling the tournament, Watney was taken out the back and shot. Well, not quite. He was removed from the event and whacked in isolation while his playing partner in round one, Vaughn Taylor, tried to remember if Watney had been coughing into his elbow.
Taylor tested negative and then made the cut — a feat that again eluded Jason Day, the former world No 1 who’s plummeted to number 53. That might be a story for another day.
World No 3 Justin Thomas said Watney, who had tested negative on first arriving at Hilton Head for the tournament, had been more diligent than locals when it came to social distancing.
“I mean, no offence to Hilton Head, but they’re seeming to not take it very seriously,” Thomas said.
“It’s an absolute zoo around here. There’s people everywhere. The beaches are absolutely packed. Every restaurant, from what I’ve seen when I’ve been driving by, is crowded. So I would say it’s no coincidence that there’s got to be a lot of stuff going on around here, unfortunately. That’s not on Nick, because I know he’s very cautious and has done everything he can. But I would say a lot of people in this area of Hilton Head just aren’t.”
Wayne Bennett said rather ominously and sensibly when the plague was first taking hold, “Somebody’s going to get it.”
He made the news himself on the weekend by trying to avoid making the news.
He objected to questioning about why Latrell Mitchell had responded to a 40-12 thrashing of the Warriors by sobbing in the dressing room.
The reporter had the right to ask him, because a reporter has the right to ask any question.
Bennett had the right to tell the reporter to nick off, because an interviewee has the right to give any sort of answer.
Bennett has always disliked golden point, satisfied enough by draws, and he had one in that little confrontation.
Years ago, Bernie Tomic was asked about a tank job at the US Open. It looked like a tank job against Andy Roddick, it smelled like a tank job, it was a tank job through and through.
Tomic was asked, was that a tank job? He answered by wanting the journalist’s name and place of employment.
He received a scathing reaction back in Australia, which was unfair.
The question was warranted. The bleeding obvious. In response, he had the right to throw a chair if he wanted to. All part of the to-and-fro of post-match discussions that people like Bennett detest.
You can get some good ones in those interviews. Serena, what do you say to anyone who thinks you acted like a bit of a cow? Moo, she once said. Joey, when did you think the Knights were in trouble? I thought we’d probably struggle from 50-0 down. Good win, coach? Mate, we lost. Ah, shoot. Sorry. Tough loss, coach? Darius Boyd was slammed for a 39-second interview but he had the right to do a 39-second interview if he wanted to.
Transcribing is the bane of a reporter’s life. That was heaven! Trying to avoid doing an interview, he gave his most unforgettable interview of all.
Quite the weekend, no?
There was one throwback to the good old days. An NRL coach was sacked. The code was overdue. It was round 6 and none of them had been punted yet.
Paul McGregor had not only survived the axe; his Dragons were only one win outside the top eight. John Morris was safe as long as Eddie Jones wasn’t spotted at a house inspection around Cronulla.
Stephen Kearney was the one who took the bullet. The Warriors had to get their head around The Bloody Good Bloke Rule. Because Kearney has always seemed a bloody good bloke. The Warriors decided it no longer mattered.
The Dragons must weigh The Bloody Good Bloke Rule when it comes to McGregor. The Bulldogs must weigh The Bloody Good Bloke Rule when it comes to Dean Pay. The Sharks must weigh The Bloody Good Bloke Rule when it comes to Morris. They might all be bloody good coaches — but they have one insurmountable problem. Some bloody ordinary players.
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