Who the Hell is Hamish: the marriage counsellor
Bonus material: Bec Rosen expresses her dismay that a marriage counsellor failed to recognise Hamish McLaren’s lies.
In late 2013, Bec Rosen and Hamish McLaren attended marriage counselling in a bid to repair their crumbling relationship.
Bec was sure her husband was not being completely honest with her, but Hamish swore to be truthful and transparent during the appointments.
In episode 4 of The Australian’s podcast, Who the Hell is Hamish, Bec recalls how the counsellor, like so many others, was taken in by Hamish McLaren, believing his lies and convincing Bec that she was wrong.
The email below outlines how life for Bec and her family changed following the counselling sessions.
The name of the counsellor has been redacted and another name has been changed to protect the privacy of those people.
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From: Bec Rosen
To: [name redacted]
Sent: Sat, 12 Sep 2015 19:04:01
Subject: Hamish and Bec McLaren
Professor [name redacted]
A couple of years ago my husband Hamish and I came to seek your help. We had a number of sessions with you.
The sessions were regarding my issues with Hamish’s lack of honesty, and his obsession with my son Jacks girlfriend Jane*. His concerns were about my consuming alcohol and being irrational.
In February this year, Jane told myself, Jack (my son with whom she was with), and our family that she and Hamish had been in a sexual relationship, during and beyond our sessions.
Professor [name redacted] whilst I realise that any lack of judgement is not your fault, I really just wanted to let you know how let down by that whole process I was.
In retrospect, I should have trusted myself, and not you. I should have stuck to my guns with my concerns and not let it all be clouded by ‘bloke talk’.
Professor [name redacted] you made calls to me outside of hours, pleading Hamish’s case. I was made to believe that I should never use the word ‘liar’, and in-fact refer to Hamish’s lies as ‘untruths’. You believed Hamish and made me believe that I was wrong.
At the end of the day, my intuition was completely valid, and Hamish fed off your support for him, trying to point blame towards me and alcohol. I am not an alcoholic. I have spent years blaming my self for what was happening. Time that I can never get back
Whilst I lay no blame Professor [name redacted], I wanted to let you know how badly my children and family have been hurt.
I have 3 boys. Hamish has taken every thing we have. Hamish has moved on and is living overseas, whilst I am left with not only the emotional fall out, but the financial legal actions of people that he has stolen from. Our lives have been completely ruined and I am trying to pick up the pieces.
Professor [name redacted] contacting you has been in my mind for many months. I realise that nothing will make my children and I whole again. But, I needed to let you know how let down, and what a waste of driving 3 hours to Sydney to pay you for help was.
I wish you well. Im sorry that I dont have a happy story to share.
Regards
Bec McLaren(Rosen)
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From: [name redacted]
Subject: Re: Hamish and Bec McLaren
Date: 14 September 2015 at 7:29:02 am AEST
To: Bec Rosen
Dear Bec
I was very sorry indeed to read your email. I can’t begin to imagine how betrayed you (and your son) must feel by Hamish. To enter into a sexual relationship with the 18 year old girlfriend of your son seems beyond description. Has he admitted it now?
I’ve read back over the notes of our sessions. Hamish admitted to not mentioning things about Jane because he said that raising any mention of her name would start a fight. However, he categorically denied any sexual relationship with the girl. He did this again and again when he was asked to be transparent. He agreed to honest and transparent communication about their contact and you agreed to a non-judgemental stance on any incidental contact that they might have. What I was trying for was honesty and transparency to remove conflict, and improve relationship satisfaction. And yes, you agreed to reduce alcohol use. Both of you felt that it led to more conflict.
You are, of course, right. I called you on occasions to tell you that he had been in my room, tearful and pleading his case. He would desperately restate his innocence, pointing out the improbability of the girl being interested in the 42 year old stepfather of her boyfriend. It appears, from what Jane says, that these were lies.
Again, I can only tell you how sorry I am that this is how it has all turned out. You and your son must feel enormously betrayed. Thank you for letting me know what has happened.
Wishing you all the best in the future,
Sincerely
[name redacted]
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*name changed
Do you know Hamish McLaren or have a story about him? Contact Greg Bearup on hamishpodcast@theaustralian.com.au
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