Wayne of the web

WAYNE Swan was at the Queensland Young Labor Conference on the weekend singing the praises of social media.

WAYNE Swan was at the Queensland Young Labor Conference on the weekend singing the praises of social media, both for the way it was harnessed by yoof during the state's recent natural disasters and for its potential to energise Labor.

Astutely put. But does he practise as well as preach? Unable to recall any Swan activity on Twitter lately (or indeed at all), we had a look and found an account under the name @WayneSwanMP. Alas, it fell silent in mid-2009, and here is its final pair of tweets: "Debt debt debt 200 billion in debt, [Kevin] Rudd screwed me over", and "They're telling me that it is going to get worse, we're all [rhymes with trucked]. I'm getting off this sinking ship and moving to Fiji." Reading between the lines, we suspect the real federal Treasurer had nothing to do it with it; apart from everything else, we can't for the life of us picture Swan in Fiji. He is on Facebook, though.

Sex party goes global

THE Australian Sex Party is also using the internet to broaden its horizons, yesterday trumpeting a sudden spike in traffic to its website from Muslim countries. Among the site's top 10 referring countries, Indonesia ranks third, Egypt fourth (what role this may have played in Hosni Mubarak's downfall is not speculated on), Pakistan sixth, Malaysia seventh and Turkey ninth. It cheers us no end to contemplate what some foreigners have in mind when they string Australian, sex and party together in a sentence, but as ASP president Fiona Patten points out, obstacles to world domination remain: "Internet filters are still very clumsy, and if they can't distinguish between an orgy and a registered political party with serious policies and public funding, of what value are they?"

Bob each way

MUCH fun is being had with Bob Hawke-instigated talk of a prospective Combet-over for federal Labor. Sure, Labor has tried to give some of the credit to Deputy Opposition Leader Julie Bishop, and some to the demon grape, but it sounds like the buck probably stops with Bob. Happily for Barrie Cassidy, Greg Combet just happened to be his political guest lined up for yesterday's instalment of Insiders: Cassidy: "As you heard earlier, Bob Hawke has said you should be next in line for the Labor leadership. How do you feel about that?"

Combet: "I reckon that was done over a few glasses of red wine if anything."

Cassidy: "You don't think he might have speculated along those terms even without the benefit of a red wine?"

It seems not. While Combet was on Aunty, Julia Gillard was on Nine chatting with Laurie Oakes (who inexplicably failed to follow Alan Jones's lead and addressed her as Prime Minister rather than Julia or Ju-liar), and she made it clear that when Hawkie's sticking to the healthy stuff, he refrains from any crazy leadership talk: "I had breakfast with Bob Hawke yesterday and we were laughing together about Julie Bishop's endeavours to spin this story, so Bob and I were having a good old chuckle over some yoghurt and fruit yesterday morning." And what a lovely picture it is. Combet's ordeal meanwhile continued with Cassidy changing tack: "What though, what do you make of, when the bookmakers have Bill Shorten as favourite to lead Labor into the election?" We know Combet does not shy away from a stoush, but there must be times when, all in all, he'd rather be in the aviary mucking out his finches.

God, save the Queen

AFTER our weekend reference to Kate Middleton as our future queen, Strewth reader Dick Garner has come a tut-tutting: "Kate Middleton will never be Australia's queen. The Constitution only allows for the queen (and her heirs and successors) as head of state and the governor-general as her representative." Disappointment, like hope, springs eternal.

Enter stage, right?

STREWTH recently needled Graham Perrett MP for calling on parliament to officially recognise the conclusion of Pommy walloper soap, The Bill, and the subsequent freeing up of Saturday nights. Seeing as Perrett has been kind enough to mention us in parliament, we share the happy news he did wean himself off The Bill and is urging emulation by the masses: "Our modern family is using my rehab journey to avoid all television and to rush out to engage with our local performers, our local artists and our local writers," he told the house. "Consequently, I encourage all Australians to turn off their TVs . . . to get off the couch and get closer to your local live performers." If this means people switch off Midsomer Murders, Perrett has Strewth's full support.

Carving Tuckey

ONE of Strewth's agents was parking near federal Parliament House when he came across a carving on a tree: a crude face with vertical hair (more in the manner of Bart Simpson than Craig Emerson, we gather), underneath which the following plea had been scratched: "Come Back Wilson." It's a sentiment shared by a great many, not least by Strewth. As much as we miss Wilson Tuckey, we stress to the Department of Parliamentary Services that it wasn't us, and our alibi is rock solid.

James Jeffrey