Untimely tilt

THE rainbows over Canberra were dimmed yesterday and the unicorns gently but firmly shooed from the lawns of Parliament House as the Coalition, at least, tried to get us back to regular programming.

THE rainbows over Canberra were dimmed yesterday and the unicorns gently but firmly shooed from the lawns of Parliament House as the Coalition, at least, tried to get us back to regular programming.

And its vow of "a world of hurt" for Labor was a solid start worthy of a pro wrestler. But first it had to deal with a small archipelago of hurt in the form of Andrew Robb's aborted tilt for the deputy leadership, an endeavour characterised yesterday as a "brain snap". What worries us is that Robb stumbled so visibly in his quest, unlike last year when he ambushed his then leader, Malcolm Turnbull, over the emissions trading scheme with the element of surprise completely intact. (How did Joe Hockey describe it at the time? Let's have a look in Shitstorm; oh, here it is: "The worst act of political treachery I have seen in 20 years in politics.") The magic has yet to evaporate for Greens senator Christine Milne, though, who got down to more vital matters on her blog: "After a couple of false starts because of heavy rain and a delay in finding suitable stone, my water feature is finally under construction. I arrived home . . . to find what can only be described as a construction site in the garden." This is spiced up with a photo of what looks like a bloke taking a plaster cast of Godzilla's footprint. Milne says she's "looking forward to long Tassie evenings and the sound of trickling water".

Tuckey's ta-ta

SO that's earth, water and wind taken care of - what about the fire? Alas, that appears to be fading from federal politics with the democratic overthrow of the high priest of heckling, Wilson Tuckey. The no-longer-member for O'Connor signed off yesterday with a speech combining the stamina of an independent MP's speech (giving it your best Oakeshott, we believe it's called) and the warmth of an improvised explosive packed with rusty nails. (See the news pages for more.) But as he touchingly labelled his successor Tony Crook "a nobody", we began to confront the cold and sorrowful thought of the House of Reps without the splendour of the Tuckey larynx; it's as depressing as picturing Sydney without the harbour, or Frankfurt without the road out. Ever merciful, Iron Bar threw us this one straw to cling to: "I will continue to make public my views." Strewth hopes that means he'll return to Canberra and heckle from the public gallery.

Rob's your uncle

ON Tuesday, as Parliament House crackled with tension, a group of children from Crescent Head Public School, on the NSW north coast, filed inside for a tour that was to include an encounter with their local member, Rob Oakeshott. As Oakeshott's office tells Strewth, "They were booked in first thing in the morning and Rob was meeting with [Tony] Abbott when they arrived. We contacted the Parliamentary Education Office later in the morning to see if the children could come to the announcement but they had already left for the day." That's a loss they'll come to look back on with mixed feelings. However, all will be made up for: "Rob will be paying a visit to the school as soon as possible. Otherwise he'll have to answer to one of his staff members, Zita McGregor, a proud graduate of Crescent Head Public School."

The Wong method

PENNY Wong is playing hard to get, at least with newspaper journalists. As speculation intensifies about her future as Climate Change Minister, the Rudd loyalist is refusing to speak to the press until "post ministry". Her press secretary Laura Anderson explains Wong doesn't want to get wind up talking about her at times prickly relationship with the Greens. Yet that didn't stop her from appearing on two Adelaide radio stations. The logic from the spin doctors is that there are too many newspaper reporters who want to speak to her. Is she worried about the press exposing the fragile nature of the Greens love-in? Or is it possible - whisper this now - that she's just sick of the sight of us? Unlikely, you say? OK, we'll go with the former.

Say no more, Eric

ONE definition of bad luck would be being a NSW government minister unable to announce some actual good news. Such was the case yesterday when NSW was revealed to have had a drop in the unemployment rate from 5.5 per cent to 5 per cent. Huzzah! Under normal circumstances, Treasurer Eric Roozendaal would be on his feet in parliament (taking care not to trip on the growing pile of political corpses around him) and celebrating. Unfortunately, Roozendaal was forbidden to work because of the Jewish festival of Rosh Hashana. Not that he missed out altogether; Roozendaal was texted the figures and he texted back in admirably mixed horticultural fashion: "The green shoots are blossoming."

Latham's wild streak

MARK Latham on horses in The Spectator Australia: "A friend once advised me to look closely into the eyes of a thoroughbred. 'On the outside they seem calm and serene,' she said, 'but inside, deep in their eyes, they are wild.' Perhaps this is why I like them so much. They match my own temperament and - if I can speak for the punters of Bong Bong, Dribblers' Creek and Mataranka - that of many other racegoers."