Strewth: Scott Morrison’s series of unfortunate events

One of the smaller bits of silver lining from the Lib-ocalypse is that Scott Morrison gets to sound all Lemony Snicket about it. Indeed, from the safe distance of Jakarta the other day the sudden-onset Prime Minister looked back on the whole sense-defying, multiple career-destroying and probable government-ending calamity and described it as: “The very unfortunate events of the other week.” Surely he deserves to be made a member of the Noble Order of Understatement. Meanwhile, amid suggestions the government is sleepwalking towards its fate, our illustrious new leader appears to be telling the nation he can do this stuff with his eyes closed: “I’ll be returning to Australia to demonstrate to Australians that I have that plan for an even stronger Australia, an Australia where we keep our economy strong to guarantee essential services that Australians rely on, that keeps Australians safe and just like they’re doing here in Indonesia, keeping our country together, keeping Australians together.” So far, so normal. And then this: “Now that is something that falls to me to convince the Australian people of which I will do every waking hour that I have and, I suspect, a few that aren’t waking as well.” Perhaps he’s taking the path as laid down by Roy Orbison back in the day: “In dreams I walk with you, in dreams I talk to you.” Fingers crossed Alan Jones gets to the bottom of this when he has his first on-air encounter with the Prime Minister on 2GB today.

Don’t preach for papa

ScoMo was safely back in Sutherland Shire yesterday with Health Minister and former aspiring deputy Liberal leader Greg Hunt. The press conference included this Father’s Day gift of an exchange over Malcolm Turnbull’s now vacant electorate.

Journo: “Prime Minister, just on Wentworth. Is it strange to you that the son of the outgoing member there is campaigning or lobbying for the Labor Party?”

Morrison: “Well, I’m sure Alex (Turnbull’s) only message today is Happy Father’s Day to Malcolm.”

Journo: “I think he’s also …”

Morrison (moving with commendable speed to head things off at the pass): “I’m sure that is absolutely his focus today — is on his dad.”

Journo (moving with equally commendable speed to not be headed off at the pass): “He seems to also be lobbying for the Labor Party.”

Morrison (moving with commendable optimism): “Oh, look, I think I’ve covered that off.”

And people wonder why Malcolm and Lucy Turnbull have taken the Manhattan option.

Captain cookie

Whatever you want to call the leadership spill — the Grand Mal Seizure, the Duttonation, the ScoMomentum, the Bill Shorten Still Hasn’t Stopped Laughing — it’s safe to say the scattered detritus has stopped smouldering and is cool enough to examine more closely. One such fragment that has reached us is that a few weeks ago, when he was still in his Publicly Loyal to Malcolm Turnbull Phase, Peter Dutton was at renowned Canberra eatery Portia’s Place (do try the wasabi steak). And as per Portia’s tradition, he was given a fortune cookie as dining drew to a close. Afterwards, one of the more devoted/tragic of Canberra’s trained observer corps retrieved the fortune. It said: “You are soon going to change your present line of work.” The question now is: Was it prophecy or catalyst?

It’s time, at last

This Friday will mark five years since the Tony Abbott-led Coalition defeated Labor. Amid those swept to power that bright spring day was Angus Taylor, now the freshly minted Energy Minister but back then a wide-eyed backbencher humbled by his elevation to exalted office. Let it be recorded that just a handful of days before the half decade officially ticks over (the wooden anniversary, if it were a marriage), Taylor has tweeted a message in which the short second sentence is the kicker: “Yesterday afternoon I began talking to CEOs of energy retailers to get a better deal for pensioners, retirees, families and businesses. It’s time to start cleaning up the mess!” It’s the perky exclamation mark that gets it over the line.

Beyond touch

Meanwhile on the Nine Network’s Today the other day, the Anthony Albanese-Christopher Pyne friendship edged another millimetre or two closer to the realm of fantasy.

Pyne: “Of course rugby league or union is not my strong suit. I am more of an AFL person.”

Albo: “I want to see Christopher on a rugby league field.”

Pyne: “We’ve done this before at the Channel 9 studios and I beat you. And I changed a tyre.”

Albo: “Except I don’t want it to be touch. One tackle will do.”

We’ll leave you with that thought.

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